Was I right to leave?

[Roulett]

I have been visiting adult DD to help with the children for half term. She has two children a six year old boy and 12 month old boy. They along with my son in law live three hours drive away so when I go I have to stay. We agreed I would arrive Monday and stay until Thursday morning. Unfortunately when I arrived the baby was quite poorly and ended up being sent to hospital yesterday although was then discharged with medication. My daughter and son in law asked me to stay but I already had plans for the weekend (friend’s granddaughters christening) so I said no. My daughter was upset saying she hasn’t been sleeping and needs more help as the baby is poorly. I’ve now come away and my daughter is being very short with me on the phone. Was I unreasonable not to stay? I’d already helped whilst there and she knew when I was meant to leave.

Because OP says ‘live three hours drive away so when I go I have to stay.

Half term is a regular occurrence.

Personally I would have stayed. It’s your daughter and grandchild at the end of the day.

But she never said she does every half term?

I didn’t. I just said I don’t want to be one.

You’re implying OP is a cold fish for not staying. So all her other help counts for nothing, eh? Even the next time she is needed for half term?

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I agree. Parental responsibilities should be shared, and employer's policies allow for this.

When you say that I have to stay when I go up, it implies a regular arrangement.

I mean, yes, my opinion is that the decision to leave in these circumstances is cold. You can be grateful and appreciative of the support her mum provides and still feel that it’s a cold decision. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

Yanbu x

My mum would have stayed - she would have stayed in the hospital too if I asked her to.

Think you might be denied access going forward, but you have other peoples grandchildren don’t you?

I thinks that's a pretty intense way of looking at.

Daughter and baby in hospital on Wednesday, OP departs as planned Thursday morning.

That's the best part of two days for her DD managing the kids on her own while exhausted while her husband is at work.

Assuming the christening in on a Sunday, it's hardly impractical to stay even an extra 24 hours (personally I'd have left Saturday late morning) to give her daughter a bit more support.

I have lifelong friends of 40+ years - they are close enough that they would understand in this situation why I might not be able to make their grandchild's christening!

I’d definitely have stayed, as would my mum for me.

i would have put have out my own child’s needs first, even if it risked my friendship.

I would have stayed up until the christening day and left from DD’s place for it. If that was closer to my home, I would have gone there for the night but returned to DD the next day.

As a grandmother, I would have stayed.

My Mum is like this, I rarely ask for help but when I do she always has something that's more important, even if it's something trivial that can easily be changed and I never ask unless it's urgent.

My MIL is always there for us in difficult times and as a result are much, much closer to her.

It's up to you what you what you want to prioritise but don't expect her to prioritise you!