Was I right to leave?

[Roulett]

I have been visiting adult DD to help with the children for half term. She has two children a six year old boy and 12 month old boy. They along with my son in law live three hours drive away so when I go I have to stay. We agreed I would arrive Monday and stay until Thursday morning. Unfortunately when I arrived the baby was quite poorly and ended up being sent to hospital yesterday although was then discharged with medication. My daughter and son in law asked me to stay but I already had plans for the weekend (friend’s granddaughters christening) so I said no. My daughter was upset saying she hasn’t been sleeping and needs more help as the baby is poorly. I’ve now come away and my daughter is being very short with me on the phone. Was I unreasonable not to stay? I’d already helped whilst there and she knew when I was meant to leave.

In those circumstances I’d have stayed. MIL would have had to be pried away in those circumstances also.

I’ll always put the needs of my children (or future grandchildren) before a social occasion. If it was just a want then my plans would have stood, but not helping out in those circumstances. That’s a need imo.

We don't even know the details of the OPs relationship with the Christening family. They could be people she sees a lot of or they could be people she rarely gets to catch up with and not unreasonably really looks forward to it.

You know what, no, I don't think my mum would've. She would've known I'd be fine with hubby, but she would've been concerned, phoned, and perhaps come day or two after a christening or been to whatever she had planned that couldn't have been moved.

She certainly wouldn't have taken shortness from me if I hadn't got my own way!

My mum was warm, kind and lovely, and she (unlike my dad) was the most loved member of the family. But no, she wouldn't do everything for us.

Sorry to hear that, she sounds like my mother.

??????

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I’m quite amazed that others do. But my DM never ever took any interest in my DD so I’m coming at this from an angle of never having any help. I just got on with it. It never occurred to me to ask for help from DM or anyone. And I was a single mum. There are TWO adults in this scenario looking after 2 children. If it was that bad SIL should have taken time off work to support his wife. Enjoy the christening OP.

I live in very similar circumstances. I’ve never had to ask my mum or my MIL to stay, they always offer and are great for support as best they can.

I assume you are retired and didn’t have to get back for pets or similar. If I had just had a rotten week of a baby being ill and my mum was packing her bag to head back a day or so early to go to a random child’s christening I’d be heart broken. I hopefully wouldn’t have to say it.

My husband works from home and he’s got a really tough job, which leaves him really tired. There’s not enough detail here to say what week he was also having at work.

Yes both parents are now around for the weekend, but you could have spent the time cleaning, getting ahead on next weeks meals, doing a big shop or anything at all to give them all a break and to help the little one get better.

Each to their own but when you light need her to come running in the future, expect the same level of help.

I can only assume that this is the only thing you are used to and haven't had the chance to see how other mothers act. I can hope you won't leave your daughter in the same situation.

You were under no obligation to stay, but quite frankly, I'd have been very hurt if my mum hadn't in a situation like this. And I absolutely know that she would have. Your daughter is likely to be a bit upset and resentful and whether you think it's fair or not, it will impact how she sees you.

Wow, one thing my mum taught me is not to be judgemental about how others live their lives or to make assumptions about strangers.

Or to be bitchy.

I would have stayed. My children are more important than a friend's granddaughter being christened!

My mum is dead. She died fairly young of cancer. Is that ok by you?

My Mum would have stayed tbh. She’d want to make sure we were all doing ok if I had a baby that had been hospitalised. I think a friend would have understood the circumstances. I’d be hurt if I asked my mum to help in those circumstances and she didn’t.

F.O.

I think you should change your username to AngryJoe

I think it depends on context. Do they ask you often and do they seem entitled about it? On the other side if they never ask and are going through a rough patch with the baby being hospitalised then I would have said YABU

I'm not trying to argue with you but I'm sure most people would agree that if your mother wouldn't help you for no good reason when you asked for it with a poorly child then she wouldn't be a great mother because 99% of mothers would.
If that means I'm judging your mother then so be it 🤷‍♀️

Do you feel better now? Trying to point score, put someone down? Bravo.

How am I trying to point score 😂
You are coming across as a very angry person

I had already explained to you that my mum was lovely, the most loved member of the family and yet you still insulted her.

If she couldn't stay for longer because of a prior arrangement, despite already been there for me for a few days, and my child home safe and on the mend, then that would've been ok.

Perhaps the difference is I would not have asked my mum to stay in this situation. I would've wished her a lovely time at her arrangement and said thankyou.

I’d have told my mum to go and she’d have insisted on staying to help me and occupy the older child. I think prioritising an unrelated baby’s christening was poor.