Ex wants to stop paying for DC whilst so he can get a mortgage

[fedupofex]

Me and my ex share 2 DC together.
Both under 4 and live with me full time.

I live in a rented HA property whilst he currently resides in a council flat.

Because I live in a house he is adamant that he should also live in a house.

He is 43 and feels as if the time is going for him to purchase a property.

He is now asking if he can stop paying me child maintenance so when he goes for a mortgage it won't show on his bank statements that he pays me XYZ every week.

He was out of work from November last year and only started work last week.
He paid me no money this time.

He generally is an awful person to be honest.

In my last pregnancy I suffered life threatening complications during child birth and all he did was abuse me in the hospital and even the midwives were so alarmed that they had written this in my notes.

All he did was complain about having time of work to help me with the baby.

He see's DC for few hours a week and think thats parenting, he has no idea how hard it is.

He has also just got a new car Mercedes on HP.

I don't feel this is fair or right what he is asking.

I want to know would I be unreasonable to just let it all go through the courts?
I don't want him seeing the kids when he is not even paying me.
He only see's them for 4 hours on a weekend.
Never had them stay over.
He does live 45 minutes away however which is a huge factor due to petrol.

It is hard for me as I only work part time and I would love to save for a house but it would be impossible at this stage.

He is a vile, abusive creep.

He doesn’t get to come into your home anymore. Any potential benefit for your small children is far, far outweighed by his disgusting attitude and verbal abuse towards you. Your children need protecting from that.

if he fails to pay maintenance then go straight to CMS.

Ask your parents to drop/block contact with him to help protect you from his dysfunctional and abusive behaviour (and to protect them).

Please consider the Freedom Programme to discover ways to maximise your boundaries, minimise his presence in your life and avoid ending up with any similar types of men in the future.

You and your little ones deserve so much more than this scumbag.

Tell him to go and get stood on.

And will your children be happy living in a cold house with no food and broken shoes? Not surprised you got rid. Tell him to take it up with your solicitor.

I can’t tell which country you are in, but in Australia , the government collects child support - so the parent has no say in whether they would like to pay or not.

Hi
So I explained to him that paying me in cash causes me an inconvenience as all my bills come out my bank and I don't have time to go to the bank every week.

I am glad that people have confirmed what I have been thinking, he won't be able to buy a house on his salary.

He also has a default from November 2025.

He has now told me that he will be selling all his gold in a bid to save for this house deposit.

He is very immature for his age and quite child like, so I just let him carry on.

I have also told him no more visits in my house, he needs to take DC out of my house.
I even have to help him change my youngest's nappy, there is no break for me.

He absolutely is a vile abusive creep as PP correctly pointed out.

I will see next week if he pays me into my bank as when I reminded him yesterday he said "oh but that messes up my house situation".

He is lucky to live in a council flat close to a city centre, and it would make sense for him to buy that but because I live in a house he has to live in a house.

Even when he got his new car last month he told me before he came "You may not like this and get jealous".
Very childish.

I'm in the UK.

Both in Social Housing!! How did you manage that? Take him to Court, get it sorted, He has a roof over his head. He's not your problem. The children will decide for themselves soon enough if they don't want to see him anymore, but even that shouldn't stop his contributions for their care.

This was also the point that stood out for me. A single man is the worst thing you can be when it comes to getting social housing.

First post nails it….

Also, this I’m afraid OP.

WTAF?! That is the height of CF’ery!!!

I hope you laughed in his face?! 😂

Also, very glad he’s an ex!!

@fedupofex
Great work OP on putting some boundaries in place! Future you won’t regret it!

£15 less is maybe a small price to pay for consistency….

Doesn't sound like he is getting a mortgage anytime soon, recently employed, new HP. Good luck. He would need to put on his application if he has any dependents. This is where the fraud will start. Apply to CMS today.

I think you need to draw some boundaries around this whole situation.

Don’t have him in your house again
Go through CMS
Stop listening to his tripe about getting a mortgage

it come across like you have only half broken up - if for no other reason do it to bring peace to your life and your kids’ lives.

Honestly the less communication you have the better.

If he doesn't pay on time next week, remind him BUT also just apply for CMS. It might be £15 less but honestly it's worth not having to text him every week. They're his kids.. they should be his priority.

The only time you need to converse about his housing is if it comes to a time he's moving etc and it affects the children. Otherwise, conversations like I'm selling my gold, I'm applying for a mortgage just don't warrant replies.

Agree with @BudgetBuster - keep communication strictly about the children and maintenance and ignore everything else.

If he’s that keen to see them he can step up to his responsibilities and pay for them, as both parents should.

Friends exh got a council flat. He worked for the local housing authority. Said he needed a 3 bed one because he had joint 50/50 with friend and they had 2 dc.

He didn’t have 50/50 he had EOW and as soon as he got the flat he stopped seeing his children

This. I was with op until this. Poor kids all round in this situation

You are still giving him all of the power.
file a CMS claim and be done with him

Is there much point in him seeing the children if irs a few hours a week? This is more like a fun uncle and not great for emotional stability as kids get older.
Is it because he doesnt have a spare bedroom and perphaps he wants a mortgage to have them longer?

Update:
It looks as if I will be going through CMS.

He paid a little bit more by accident last week (his error) and so he isn't paying me this week to make up the difference of what he would have paid me (£40).

He told me " Are you fucking stupid? When somebody tells you they are saving for a house you don't ask them for money". " A proper woman wouldn't do that".

He also suggested that he buys nappies and food etc instead of paying me.

On the last visit over the weekend he was still verbally abusive and criticising me.

I am going to contact Women's Aid today and see what my options are as his abuse is just getting worse.

There is no set schedule he has DC and is always when it suits him/fits in around his life.

"A proper woman wouldn't do that" made my blood boil. A proper man would step up to provide real support to the kids he helped to bring into the world. What a prick. Glad you are going through CMS OP, hope it all works out well for you. 🤞

Honestly he's not worth the brain space.
Go through CMS and you shouldn't have to be asking him every week for money for HIS kids

I presume a proper woman is one who automatically obeys a man!
Thank God I'm not a proper woman 😄
However this man sounds like a massive thorn in your side op, I can't help but wonder if the money is worth the aggravation?