Ex wants to stop paying for DC whilst so he can get a mortgage

[fedupofex]

Me and my ex share 2 DC together.
Both under 4 and live with me full time.

I live in a rented HA property whilst he currently resides in a council flat.

Because I live in a house he is adamant that he should also live in a house.

He is 43 and feels as if the time is going for him to purchase a property.

He is now asking if he can stop paying me child maintenance so when he goes for a mortgage it won't show on his bank statements that he pays me XYZ every week.

He was out of work from November last year and only started work last week.
He paid me no money this time.

He generally is an awful person to be honest.

In my last pregnancy I suffered life threatening complications during child birth and all he did was abuse me in the hospital and even the midwives were so alarmed that they had written this in my notes.

All he did was complain about having time of work to help me with the baby.

He see's DC for few hours a week and think thats parenting, he has no idea how hard it is.

He has also just got a new car Mercedes on HP.

I don't feel this is fair or right what he is asking.

I want to know would I be unreasonable to just let it all go through the courts?
I don't want him seeing the kids when he is not even paying me.
He only see's them for 4 hours on a weekend.
Never had them stay over.
He does live 45 minutes away however which is a huge factor due to petrol.

It is hard for me as I only work part time and I would love to save for a house but it would be impossible at this stage.

He doesn't want a mortgage. He wants to stop paying for his children.

Fuck no, he doesn't get to opt out of paying for his kids, no way would I stand for this.

You can’t prevent him seeing them on the basis of his non-payment, that’s appalling. The rest of it though, you’re absolutely correct. Go to CMS! Let them show up on his bank statement

How about if he had 50 50 childcare you could get a job and a mortgage yourself to leave to the kids.
How about if he didnt have a mercedes in HP he would also have more money for the mortgage.
I would tell him to piss off.
Also his argument about being 43 is crap as well. He can wait a few years and increase his income and get rid of his mercedes.

A hard no

it’s fraud and if he stops you don’t get it again

if need be go via cms. You get a few pounds less. He has to pay a few pounds more

but don’t with hold him seeing the kids if doesn’t pay

I bet he’s lied on his car finance application where it asks how many dependents he has!

I think he’s slightly unrealistic about his prospects of getting a mortgage.

But yes, he does need to declare that his children exist and that he has a responsibility to pay for them or it’s mortgage fraud.

If he’s not bothered about that (ie potentially committing a crime), what he needs to do to stop the payments “showing” on his account is save up a sum of money and pay you in advance for a period of time. Not stop payments or say he’ll pay you in arrears.

He needs to get rid of the Mercedes before he even thinks about this though.

He sounds a dreadful man!
He would need to declare on his mortgage application that he has 2 dependents and they will assume he is a decent human being and paying for them.

With due respect that answer is crystal clear! You sound as if your over involved in each others lives!!
I would be working on putting much more distance between us, certainly would be having him in my house.

I don't know how he got a car on finance if he's only just started a new job! He must have lied on the application. Absolutely don't let him escape his commitments, I would be very surprised if he was able to get a mortgage this quickly after moving anyway. Unless he lies. And then he's committing fraud. I don't see what's wrong with living in a flat if you're single anyway! Sounds like he's got delusions of grandeur.

What hours the OP works is irrelevant really. She is the one working, looking after the children 98% of the week, providing for them, cooking for them, getting them to school or childcare or extracurricular activities.

She's not the one trying to get out of providing for her kids.

Sounds like he's living in a fantasy land. No deposit, how would he afford the repayments. Tell him raising children is expensive and you need his child maintenance payments. Don't get involved in his business.

I would ignore him, don't agree to anything, engage with him as little as possible, don't give him any straight answers, don't do anything to make his life easier.
Mess him around, leave him hanging etc

Nope

That money is for the support of your mutual children.

But do not tie his financial support to seeing the children. That's not right and will come back to bite you, as it should.

Let the court sort him out.

OP if he’s so bothered about maintenance payments being on his bank statements, why can’t he just pay you in cash ?

Laugh, then laugh some more. What a pathetic excuse for a man. Unbelievable he thinks you're going to help him buy when you haven't even done so yourself. If he ever does find a way to buy, you can bet the place will end up being left to a future partner and / or future kids.

I don't think you can report him for mortgage fraud if he hasn't done the application yet, but don't involve yourself in it - it could harm your credit score and your own chances of buying in the future.

Tell him a "proper man" doesn't sponge off women or try to avoid supporting his kids, and if he wants to try to avoid his responsibilities you can take it to court. What a ridiculous man-child.

If the children only see him for four hours a week, realistically what difference will that make if it’s the only leverage OP has ?

Because it hurts the children...

For this alone I’d say absolutely not.

This is his way of stopping it forever because he’ll claim he can’t afford it with the new mortgage.

Have you put his earnings into a maintenance calculator to see how much he should be paying?
If it’s higher than he currently pays, I’d just go straight down that route.
If it’s lower than he currently pays then I’d put pressure on him to pay up else you’ll make a claim.

He sounds awful!

Good point.

OP could suggest this but I’m wondering if that makes it too easy for him to ‘forget to bring it’ or something.

I'm not going to say horrible things about your your ex as that doesn't help you and I am sure plenty of others on here have already called him out. My ex stopped paying even the very intermittent amount of child support for our child 3 years in to their life and despite court orders and going through the then CSA as it was in those days he still managed to wriggle out of it. What I did was to structure my life and finances around the assumption that I was never going to get any money from him . I retrained and got a better paid job and we survivived. You will too, it won't be easy but you can do it.

So he wants his kids to suffer so he can benefit?

What about paying for the kids, his responsibility?

His is living in dream world about the house.

Firstly he needs a 10% deposit, then they need 6 months of bank statements and 6 months of stability on the account.

It took us years to get money together for our house - it’s laughable he thinks he’ll just get a house.
(At one point I’d started a new job and they needed me to be in that role for 6 months before we even started application).

Also if he is asking not to pay you CM while in mortgage process, does that mean he doesn’t want to pay for at least 6 months? After not paying from Nov - February?

I’d remove myself from any conversations about mortgage with him. Keep it all related to the children.
Get CM sorted - he needs to pay, end of.

Finally, the children are not pawns in a game. You can’t punish them by not seeing their father due to issues over CM.

Good luck OP.

Not your problem. Tell him to feck off.

This !!