Ex wants to stop paying for DC whilst so he can get a mortgage

[fedupofex]

Me and my ex share 2 DC together.
Both under 4 and live with me full time.

I live in a rented HA property whilst he currently resides in a council flat.

Because I live in a house he is adamant that he should also live in a house.

He is 43 and feels as if the time is going for him to purchase a property.

He is now asking if he can stop paying me child maintenance so when he goes for a mortgage it won't show on his bank statements that he pays me XYZ every week.

He was out of work from November last year and only started work last week.
He paid me no money this time.

He generally is an awful person to be honest.

In my last pregnancy I suffered life threatening complications during child birth and all he did was abuse me in the hospital and even the midwives were so alarmed that they had written this in my notes.

All he did was complain about having time of work to help me with the baby.

He see's DC for few hours a week and think thats parenting, he has no idea how hard it is.

He has also just got a new car Mercedes on HP.

I don't feel this is fair or right what he is asking.

I want to know would I be unreasonable to just let it all go through the courts?
I don't want him seeing the kids when he is not even paying me.
He only see's them for 4 hours on a weekend.
Never had them stay over.
He does live 45 minutes away however which is a huge factor due to petrol.

It is hard for me as I only work part time and I would love to save for a house but it would be impossible at this stage.

If he was worried about how his finances might look to a mortgage company, why the hell did he feel the need to get a fancy car on HP? Grade A wanker. Thank goodness you’re free of him. CMS, obviously.

Just no - you know the amount he pays is significantly less than the HP on his Merc so its unlikely to make a diff to his mortgage App - the Merc is likely to forstall it all anyway so just say no children's needs are not optional - perhaps he shld sent the car back.

Im glad everyone else had confirmed what I think.
He hasn't even got a deposit for a house, he has asked everyone for help.

None of it really makes sense.
He will have to pay for a mortgage
Pay money back to the people who will borrow him money (if they do)
Pay me CMS

All on one salary, dosent seem very realistic.

As I was cooking the DC dinner anyway I thought I would be nice as at that time he was struggling and had no food in his house, again being the mug that I am I gave him some long life milk, a loaf of bread, tinned stuff to help him out.

PP are absolutely correct, I need to be more strict with him and enforce boundaries.

I don't like him being in my house at all, as he is very disrespectful and critical of me.

I have leant the hard way that being nice gets me nowhere with this man, if anything it makes him worse.

Last week he turned up on Valentine's Day with some chocolates and a card and was genuinely astonished when I said we wasn't together and why would I get him anything?

I left him and I defo don't want him back.

He even tried to bully me into loaning him the deposit money insisting it would help the kids when they were older.
Again this was declined.

Oh and I checked on the CMC calculator and if I go through CMS he will pay me £15 less to what he pays me anyway.
I have just forwarded the calculation to him as he still hasn't paid me.

He started work last week, so he hasn’t even paid you one payment yet and he’s asking to “stop”?

Can you reframe it to him:

that he is seeking to prioritise buying excess space for him to live in over feeding and clothing his children.

Maybe that will make him realise how selfish he is. He’s not “paying” you. He’s contributing towards feeding and housing his children.

Someone like this is not remotely going to be on an adequate salary to get a mortgage. Probably ever.

He's delusional.

Paying maintenance for his children will have absolutely no impact on his chances of getting a mortgage.

Recently out of works for a couple of months and with no deposit? Who does he actually think is going to lend him the money to buy a house? I'm very surprised he managed to get the finance to buy a car.

You need to file for CMS, move ALL communication to written (text, email or whatever) and NEVER let him in your home.

He's using you. What a waste of energy and space. He picks the kids up... off they go in his lovely new car and then he brings them home. End of.

But he'd be paying it... and if he doesn't pay it, he'd be chased. It'd be deducted from his wage etc.

You shouldn't have to communicate with him about maintenance.

How’s he intending to not show the cars HP payments on his bank statements.

He sounds like an entitled child.

If he wants a house like you then go out and rent one

100% this. What a dumbarse. Good news that he is your ex OP 👏

He needs to be able to afford the mortgage and his CM payments so this is clearly a bad idea. Why would you help him over commit himself six that he can’t afford to support his children?

He needs to pay the maintenance. End of.

"Visiting" his children - nope, he should be parenting them. Actually having them for a period of time including overnights, ferrying to and from activities and later on, school with cooking and washing for them and spending quality time with them. Trouble is, he doesn't want to do any of that and does literally visit them for a few hours and OP can't do anything useful for herself in that time as he is in her home so still doesn't get any time off from parenting. He's a waste of space and dishonest as well. Least of all he could do is pay for them but no, he'd rather pay for a car...

Go through CMS. The less you have to deal with this nasty person the better.

I assume the (new to me) phrase "children aren't pay per view" - quoted several times on this thread - was originally coined by some utter twat of a bloke who wasn't paying maintenance for his children.

Tell him that a proper man would prioritise supporting his children, and would not need to be chased or chivvied about doing so.

Don’t weaponise your kids, they should continue to see him if they enjoy it.

but wow, what an utter loser.

No it doesn't work like that.

His kids come before a new car so why wasn't he equally worried that the car HP would affect his mortgage application?

What a cheeky so and so.

How is he going to cope with subsequent mortgage renewals every few years.
What he’s proposing is fraud.

Even if it’s £15 less, if you go through CMS he will pay it every month so you won’t have to worry about not receiving anything or having to ask him repeatedly.

Ask yourself, do you honestly think he would give you extra food if you were struggling? If not, why did you give him anything? You are giving away your children’s food to a manipulative bastard who has treated you very badly. Stop thinking of him as being your responsibility in any way.

Unfortunately Courts don't deal with CMS. They also can't make a parent parent if you want him to see them more. They only deal with Child Arrangement Orders, however, if you have a CAO in place for when he sees the children, you could ask the Court if you can share that with CMS to calculate the payments.

Misclicked meant to say NU. Anyone who gets a new Mercedes can pay your child support still.

Sod him. Sounds like a total arse.
Or.... Just let him commit fraud, and then tip someone the wink.