Made to feel uncomfortable

[Scottishlassie10]

Now I’m all for people wearing what they want but I do think there is a time and a place. My husband was in the health club last night relaxing in the jacuzzi when a group of young women in their early 20s wearing bikinis that left little to the imagination (think thong bottoms and boobs barely covered) started parading around. They came into the jacuzzi which I know they’re entitled to do, however 2 sat next to him and 2 directly facing. It’s quite a big jacuzzi so they had no need to sit where they did. He was the only male in. He felt he had no option to leave as this made him feel quite uncomfortable. Now I may be unreasonable in my thinking but I do think if the shoe was on the other foot and a male was to strut around the poolside in a thong or a group of men where to sit in an empty jacuzzi in close proximity to a female complaints would be made.

We're all responding to you hun because you're saying such puzzling stuff. I feel like we can help you and educate you .

If That’s what you think then I assume you’d be happy for a woman to feel uncomfortable if she was on her own on a dark deserted street and a man chose not to cross the road to get past her, so she didn’t feel unsafe? Because that’s what a decent man does. They think about the woman’s feelings in that situation. My husband crosses the road. My sons would.

I see my job as a parent to challenge problematic opinions. If my child expressed a racist opinion then I’d challenge it. The same applies if they say something sexist or misogynistic.

Yes if my dc said anyone looked gross I'd certainly pull them up on it. Dc need to be taught manners or hopefully learn from parents.

I'm sorry, but I actually think posters like you do more to stir up anti-woman sentiment, by your insistence on accusing the OP's husband with zero evidence except your interpretation of the language used as somehow loaded and gendered. It makes us look petty and stupid. I'm frankly appalled by the low level of intelligence of the people claiming to be pro-women on this thread. And by the lack of any kind of standards. For example, did you know it's fine to make children feel uncomfortable and embarrassed by displaying your body, as long as your actual arsehole is covered - an argument repetitively made by the same people accusing the OP's husband of being a pervert. Oh, and a girl who expresses that discomfort should be punished and silenced. Really great show of support for women, there.

Ok so women can so be topless as nipples are fine but no thongs, got it

Are you really trying to compare the two situations?

Do you honestly think that a man feeling uncomfortable due to a woman’s choice of clothing is the same as a woman fearing sexual assault or violence from a man.

If you think the two are comparable then you need yo have a word with yourself.

'I have said the account stretches credulity. Because it stretches mine.However my main point was to note that the OP is not here without an agenda of her own. She is here to stir up anti women sentiment. It would be double standards to call posters man haters without acknowledging that.'

This.

"We" indeed. Makes me wonder.

@Scottishlassie10 I’m with you on this. Skimpy thong bikinis are grand on a beach or such like on holiday but not in a health club.

We. The posters on the thread. Responding to your minimising of sexist sneery terminology and descriptions.

I can assure I am not here to stir up anti women sentiment and perhaps I’m missing something but how can explaining how my husband felt be construed as being anti women?

You've done nothing but agree with people supporting your husband and that's about it. I'm really not sure why you posted this in the first place

No, you see, women are totally innocent all the time and do not have to ever think about a man's feelings. Women don't tend to physically assault men and even if they try, they're not usually able to get very far, therefore men never ever experience anything except a feeling of superiority or lust towards a woman, no matter how she behaves. Because women are weak victims who would never ever behave in a way that wasn't perfectly justified.

Unless of course, the woman in question is a 12 year old girl who experiences discomfort and embarrassment at seeing near-naked bodies around her when she's going swimming. Then the girl needs to be chastised for having feelings and told that since she didn't see an actual arsehole, it's not possible for her to have been intimidated or grossed out.

Lol, what would you expect her to do? Of course she agrees with her husband, why wouldn't she?

I think there's a difference between 12 year olds deliberately wearing for example leggings in the crack and crop tops, and adults doing it though.
When you're a child you have your parent looking after you which is the way it should be.
Should we be infantalizing grown adults though, telling them what they can and can't wear?
Not comparable.

Sure, Gloria. Go you.

Yes, it's puzzling. She/he doesn't really want to discuss the issues or take on board what some of the posters have said, particularly his/her comments about women and the inequality of men.
Nothing more to say, really. The DH is right, the women were wrong, end of the matter.
That's it, really. Shrugs.

I guess I posted to say that men can feel uncomfortable too as too often it’s seen as only women who are allowed to feel like this.

Who has ever said that only women are "allowed" to feel uncomfortable? What a peculiar thing to claim, if anyone has done so.

It’s not a problematic opinion to say, ‘mum seeing arse cheeks while queuing for a water slide, is (in my opinion mum) ‘gross’
Eee god

I don’t chastise the child. I said her parent should have considered discussing the appropriateness of calling women’s bodies gross.

Who had said women are innocent all of the time? Nobody.

But that fact remains that men are a much bigger threat to women. Over 95% of women have been sexually harassed by a man. More than two women a week are killed by a man. Acknowledging that power imbalance doesn’t make you a man hater or someone who thinks women can do no wrong. It’s just stating facts.

Because your entire OP is a vehicle for the imaginary "double standards" in which people fantasise about women exerting terrible power over men with impunity while men are totally victimised and would never ever get away with being pigs to women (what a bloody joke!).

Then the tit and arse rubbing made its appearance after the first telling of the story, which makes it even less likely that these terrible women with their evil bikinis were strutting and parading rather than just moving while wearing stuff.

And then, when people point this out, or just suggest the women didn't do anything wrong, you're all about Man Hating (TM). Because you won't accept there might be any other reason for people not believing that your husband is a victim because women in swimsuits entered the jacuzzi.

It's head bending, but despite what you think, also extremely common. Especially on MN the last few weeks.

It has been said on this thread.

Erm, have you read the thread? So many pp said that he wasn't uncomfortable, he was perving and lecherous. Or he wasn't uncomfortable, he was sexually aroused. Or if he was uncomfortable, it was his own fault for looking.

Pretty sure that you would never use these phrases about a woman in this situation. I hope not, anyway!