Made to feel uncomfortable

[Scottishlassie10]

Now I’m all for people wearing what they want but I do think there is a time and a place. My husband was in the health club last night relaxing in the jacuzzi when a group of young women in their early 20s wearing bikinis that left little to the imagination (think thong bottoms and boobs barely covered) started parading around. They came into the jacuzzi which I know they’re entitled to do, however 2 sat next to him and 2 directly facing. It’s quite a big jacuzzi so they had no need to sit where they did. He was the only male in. He felt he had no option to leave as this made him feel quite uncomfortable. Now I may be unreasonable in my thinking but I do think if the shoe was on the other foot and a male was to strut around the poolside in a thong or a group of men where to sit in an empty jacuzzi in close proximity to a female complaints would be made.

I never said anything about vaginas? he could certainly see their arses, though.

Throughout the thread you have used words like perv, creep, weird....so you are hardly in a position to tell me which words to use.
🙄

Every time someone one here describes other people (90% of the time women) as prancing or parading around I can never take them seriously. It seriously reeks of jealousy OP! From your second-hand account, it sounds that the young women did nothing at all other than walk into the facilities they are entitled to use in swimwear that by your standards should not be permissable to wear in public. You may be surprised to know that the clothing of other women is absolutely none of your business and jealousy is a disease.

But not their vulvas?

we know he could see their arses, he watched them in the shower washing them!

You might have some valid points to make but you lost me at parading and strutting. I thought we had evolved past that.

Thank you.

Well it doesn't really, because you didn't answer my question.

If a man wears a thong so small that his bollock is hanging out, or half-hanging out of it is it still my fault for seeing it?

What about his arse? If he's wearing a thong, I can see his arse cheeks. Am I still the problem if I don't want to sit next to him in the jacuzzi?

I’m not sure why you need to keep bringing up irrelevant things, there’s literally nothing to suggest even from OP’s dramatic retelling that anyone was flashing private parts, seeing a man’s bollock is not similar at all.

Well said.

Women can do whatever they want and men can't
You are of course right OP
If 4 men wearing briefs went into a jacuzzi with a woman and 2 sat beside her and 2 in front of her and she wrote this, she would be be validated.
Anyway, there's plenty of female only spaces, maybe it's time to create male only spaces?

'If a man wears a thong so small that his bollock is hanging out, or half-hanging out of it is it still my fault for seeing it?'

You said 'getting his cock out', suggesting a purposeful act. You'd have to be reallty staring to spot an accidental stray bollock. So don't.

Right, but that's his fault, for being able to see them. We've now established that if a woman puts on a sexual display, the only inappropriate thing would be if someone saw it. Right?

Maybe the facility where this happened should be named, so people could actually avoid it.

Or more probably join.😎

Why isn't it,
I've seen women barely cover their ripples and pubic hair visible, behinds half visible,
So why isn't it the same?
Why do women get a pass and men called creepy?

I'm not sure anyone is making that "silly false equivalence" - or at least, I'm not. OP's DH, in this case, was obviously not afraid of being assaulted or coming to harm. But, if he's like me (or if he's like the 14-year-old girl mentioned upthread), he probably feels confused, resentful and uneasy to be an unwilling participant in other people's exhibitionist fantasy. For a bloke, I'd imagine there are other stresses, too, such as fear of being accused of "perving" (as evidenced by some of the mockery on this thread).

Grayson Perry felt perfectly comfortable in what he wore to the children's cancer charity event, so errrrmmm bully for him, I guess... just like we should applaud these young women for not giving a shit either about the discomfort/anxiety of those around them?

In their case, presumably it's not a fetish they're acting out. But it does point to something equally disturbing, in my view: why do they want to look as though they're auditioning for Love Island? Since when did it become empowering for women to look as though their highest aspiration is to work in the sex industry (I'm not saying, of course, that don't have different goals; I'm talking about the way they present)?

There is a lot of talk on MN about how porn has warped the minds of men and boys. What's it doing to our women and girls?

You don't seem to have anything to say on here apart from the posters supporting your husband - you also weren't there. You don't know if those women were deliberately trying to embarrass your husband

What's he going to do the next time women come into the jacuzzi wearing a skimpy bikini - because it's going to happen. I have sat in saunas with women wearing bikinis and men wearing shorts - it's obvious that some women will wear a swimming costume and other women will prefer to have a bikini on

Not true....I have seen many a stray bollock on the beach, and I dont stare.
Man spreading has a lot to anser for.

I feel very sorry for boys and young men constantly being told that they are perverts and misogynists while women are celebrated for sexual exhibitionism. At least the OP's husband had the confidence to get himself out of the situation. I'm sure a lot of younger men would have been absolutely mortified and not know what to do.

Completely agree with you @Scottishlassie10 , I'm so sick of this bollocks about women can wear what they want, don't judge etc etc. but it's all about rights these days. I can do whatever this fuck I like and if others don't like it or are made to feel uncomfortable, fuck them, that's their problem.

And if that makes me sound like an old granny then I'll happily own that. Too many people are rude, entitled, selfish and inconsiderate and need a bloody good slap TBH.

Where do you draw the line? Public behaviour will just get worse and worse and then see how everyone likes it.

dont be silly read your post you said if a man gets his cock out?

Are you ok?

So strange, to type something, it’s there and you dispute it??

Just to remind you, your actual words were

Right. So by this logic, if a bloke gets his cock out in front of a woman, she should just avert her eyes? The man has no responsibility for his behaviour, and it's the woman's fault for looking?

You see the word cock??

Oh, it's the point of the thread alright. If it wasn't the OP could have simply asked for other people's opinions on the etiquette for swimwear. Whenever an 'embarrassed man' is given a starring role in a tall tale, and the supporting cast of women are apparently 'parading' and 'rubbing' you can bet there's some male rights thing behind it.

I think some of the comments which claim not to understand the notion of someone ‘parading around’ for attention or that thong bikinis might be a bit unsuitable for a unisex spa are pretending not to grasp the issue tbh. Have you really not got any idea what OP is trying to describe? Some thirsty people - men and women - live for trying to get a reaction to their bulges / cleavages / arses and sometimes it really can be uncomfortable to sit opposite a wide-spread man in budgie smugglers in a sauna, or a woman in a cheese wire thong kneeling to faff with a sun bed. For context, I used to pole dance for a hobby wearing a bikini and thigh boots. So I’m really not a prude, am I? I just didn’t wear the outfit in a place where I thought it might be inappropriate. OP, YANBU.

My big problem with page 3 above all else is the fact the models were as young as 16. That was creepy.
I agree with you about objectifying women/women being made to feel as if they should objectify themselves. But those health clubs are the one place it is completely location appropriate possibly even more so at the the beach (although I don't have a problem with the beach either). I have no problem with people covering themselves up more, but then you do hope they showered properly. The priority should be that everyone getting in the water is clean. Either because they aren't wearing excessive clothing or because they were able to shower thoroughly somewhere private. Otherwise there will be tiny specs of dead skin and fecal matter floating in the jacuzzi. Which is inappropriate.
Women in page three weren't wearing bikinis because they were about to go swimming. And besides they usually had their actual tits out not just a skimpy bikini.

You’re really trying to twist things…

see them

Or watch them shower rubbing their arse and boobs..

See

Watch

different things

There's a personal trainer at a local gym near me that trains in a bra top and leggings. The manager does as well. If we were going to worry about things we see in gyms or saunas - we would never leave the house