Made to feel uncomfortable

[Scottishlassie10]

Now I’m all for people wearing what they want but I do think there is a time and a place. My husband was in the health club last night relaxing in the jacuzzi when a group of young women in their early 20s wearing bikinis that left little to the imagination (think thong bottoms and boobs barely covered) started parading around. They came into the jacuzzi which I know they’re entitled to do, however 2 sat next to him and 2 directly facing. It’s quite a big jacuzzi so they had no need to sit where they did. He was the only male in. He felt he had no option to leave as this made him feel quite uncomfortable. Now I may be unreasonable in my thinking but I do think if the shoe was on the other foot and a male was to strut around the poolside in a thong or a group of men where to sit in an empty jacuzzi in close proximity to a female complaints would be made.

"They may well have intentionally wanted to make him uncomfortable so he would leave"...which would be deeply unpleasant behaviour, given that he had as much right to be there as they did. Hopefully that's not what they were doing.

"He shouldn't have looked."

Right. So by this logic, if a bloke gets his cock out in front of a woman, she should just avert her eyes? The man has no responsibility for his behaviour, and it's the woman's fault for looking?

What about if it's a bloke flashing a girl? Or a boy? What if it's an adult woman flashing her boobs/arse/vulva in front of a young girl or boy? Still the fault of the person being flashed at?

At what point do we say that people have a responsibility to one another to behave decently in public? Just because a barely-there thong makes you feel good about yourself, does not make it appropriate attire in most public spaces. And if you're wearing it to 'feel sexy' or to be an exhibitionist, as many on this thread have said, then how does that make you any better than a man exhibiting his cock to anyone who passes by?

And yes, I get 'power dynamics' and that men pose more physical risk when they engage in these behaviours, so of course the fear factor doesn't apply in the same way or at all. But that doesn't mean that women behaving this way is harmless or good. As we can see from this thread, reputational damage is one likely outcome of a woman inappropriately showing off her body and a man having the audacity to see her doing it.

[edited for typo]

I know. Sick of the double standards

Why did he find it difficult not to look at them? He could have looked at anything else, surely.

This reads like a man's fantasy afternoon, in a jacuzzi, surrounded by nubile young women wearing tiny bikinis. Are you sure he didn't just nod off on a sunlounger and dreamt this whole scenario?

Generally I don't like those excessively skinny bikinis/thongs but... They are more hygienic in swimming baths and public jacuzzis. Especially than long shorts men sometimes wear that may or may not have their underwear underneath. So I actually think it's absolutely the right time and place for them.
Likewise, while I don't want to watch someone aggressively showering it's actually what you are supposed to do prior to getting into shared water. Just standing underneath the shower for a few seconds cleans nothing and is the reason so many of these places are basically a sort of grim soup.

😂😂😂

1864, 😁
I would put money on that some of the women on here would be aghast that not so long ago page 3 girls were acceptable for public consumption, yet are now cheering on women in public spaces (not the beach) who parade around in thongs which make her look naked from the back and barely cover her pubes from the front.

Funny old world. 😏

'Right. So by this logic, if a bloke gets his cock out in front of a woman, she should just avert her eyes? '

A man exposing himself is a criminal offence. Women wearing bikinis in a jacuzzi is not. Hope that helps.

They didn't get anything out though. Unless there is a drip feed and one of them did flash her actual vagina. Then yes it would be inappropriate
I don't have the right to ban men from wearing skinny Speedos. I might not want to look at them but they aren't doing anything wrong. In some countries it's socially preferred because it's more hygienic.

It's also why single sex swimming/health club sessions are awesome.

If something that doesn’t involve a cock being out, but maybe a chest, tight shorts, beer belly etc is on display and I don’t like it, I look away. Same as someone coughing, picking their nose.

None of these women were showing their boobs, vaginas etc, they weren’t flashing their vulvas?

A cock being shown compared to arse cheers, is not the same!

'yet are now cheering on women in public spaces (not the beach) who parade around in thongs which make her look naked from the back and barely cover her pubes from the front.'

We are supporting women to dress as they like in pool/spas without having to worry about creepy blokes getting all hot and bothered.

Can we stop with the 'parading' please. Walking will suffice.

Right. So if someone gets their cock out, I'm not to blame for seeing it.

But if someone is wearing an item of clothing so small that I can literally see their vulva, or their arse, then I am to blame for seeing it.

Okay, so if a man is wearing a thong so small that his bollock is hanging out of it, is it still my fault for seeing it?

But as I asked you earlier: so what?

OK, some of these people are doing it to show off their bums. You see it and disapprove. And? What more is there? They've got the right to wear it, you've got the right to disapprove. So what?

If they get their cocks out, call the police, it’s a crimibal
offence.

Are you ok?

Why is someone wearing a thong bikini inappropriately showing off their body? As opposed to just a normal bikini? Because you can see part of someones arse?

I remember being on holiday in Barcelona - in the winter although it was still sunny and I was walking along the beach and a man was lying completely naked - it wasn't a nudist beach, I was a bit shocked but I walked on - some people have a totally different mindset to being naked - that's clear

I'd have preferred not to see his meat and two veg but it didn't scar me for life

You're sick of "double standards" because people aren't villainising women for wearing something a man didn't like? Wait until you experience reality!

• criminal

The OP didn't say in her original post that her husband could see these girls vaginas. Surely if he were that bothered by it all he could have gone to reception later and mentioned it - that some girls were inappropriately dressed

A man getting his cock out in public is a criminal offence. A woman wearing a bikini isn’t.

HTH

He was probably laughing at their behaviour while recounting it. I don’t understand why people are accusing someone of being pervy who was probably just screaming inside “for God’s sake, put it away and save it for the bedroom with your boyfriend”. It’s like some women have never come across normal men with a sense of decency in a shared public space. Instead such posters are always surrounded by “pervs”.

This man could easily have been one of my sons who are quiet and nerdy and would have been highly embarrassed and intimidated by a group of women wearing very little climbing in the jacuzzi next to them. They also would get out immediately, as would DH, worried about being accused of staring and being pervy if they stayed. Or laughed at if they didn’t know where to look.

I don’t like power games against women OR men. And sadly there ARE women who get a kick out of trying to make a quiet awkward looking man on his own feel embarrassed and uncomfortable.

It’s not your fault for seeing his balls hanging out of his thong, but don’t forget that OPs DH watched them shower, rubbing their tits and arses.

Would you watch a man lathering his balls and chest if you didn’t like it, or would you look away.

Cant blame you for seeing it, but to continue watching it….. weird!

Yeah I also missed the part about actual vulvas being out! Very dramatic.

I don't recall OP describing anyone flashing their vulva at her husband. Did they wear crotchless bikinis?

I am happy to be naked among other naked people in appropriate spaces. I personally would not like to be surrounded by women wearing tiny thongs and nipple covers. It would make me feel really uncomfortable. Because those clothes are highly sexualised, and if not on a beach, they are generally worn as a kind of sexual display. I don't want to see your sexual display! I'm not sure why this makes me the problem, honestly.

It's weird how women have gone from understanding that, e.g. page 3 images were objectifying and creepy, to demanding their right to objectify themselves and creep out other people in the process. There was an excellent book called Raunch Culture by Ariel Levi, came out about 20 years ago, which unpicked this whole thing in detail. It's definitely got worse since then, though.