Made to feel uncomfortable

[Scottishlassie10]

Now I’m all for people wearing what they want but I do think there is a time and a place. My husband was in the health club last night relaxing in the jacuzzi when a group of young women in their early 20s wearing bikinis that left little to the imagination (think thong bottoms and boobs barely covered) started parading around. They came into the jacuzzi which I know they’re entitled to do, however 2 sat next to him and 2 directly facing. It’s quite a big jacuzzi so they had no need to sit where they did. He was the only male in. He felt he had no option to leave as this made him feel quite uncomfortable. Now I may be unreasonable in my thinking but I do think if the shoe was on the other foot and a male was to strut around the poolside in a thong or a group of men where to sit in an empty jacuzzi in close proximity to a female complaints would be made.

I'm not a cool wife. I am 50 and remember what it was like to be young and have a nice body and wear tiny bikinis and I wasn't doing to attract older men or other peoples husbands. I wanted to look nice and attract single men my own age. If my DH stared at young women in the gym and came home and said that young girls in bikinis were rubbing their boobs and arse in front of him, i would have serious concerns about him not being able to control himself around women. As it is he has never said that, and I have never seen him staring at anyone, he has too much respect for me and actually for other people. Bikinis aren't illegal (in this country, would you rather live in one of the countries where they are illegal, I think you'll find they are not overly helpful to women), and therefore people should be allowed to wear them without being leched over or judged. I dont like cycling shorts, but I dont stare at men's crotches when they wear them or think they are trying to entice me with their penises.

I think this is actually a really good example of double standards. If, as OP said, a man wearing nothing to the imagination had rubbed himself in the shower, and then sat in the sauna directly opposite a woman I think there would be many cries of support for her if she said it made her uncomfortable.

And as for the 'he should have thought all his christmases had come at once' comments, shall we leave those egregious minimisations of sexual harassment against men in the 2000s and earlier where they belong?

Can you please explain how my 12 year old saying privately to me that she felt uncomfortable seeing bum cheeks (which is essentially what she said ) is “judgemental and rude”?

Really it's down to the jacuzzi owners to set some kind of dress code - no thong bikinis, for example. You can't blame the women for wearing what's presumably their normal swimwear if there's nothing to say it isn't acceptable.

Good point.

On the beach thongs are fine, some people like an all over suntan...in a jacuzzi, bikinis are fine, bikinis bottoms and thongs are different , many thongs hardly cover the front never mind the back.
Maybe the owner should change the dress code...I doubt the OP's husband is the only one who has felt uncomfortable.

How likey is it that not one but four women were all rubbing their breasts and bum at the OP’s husband? I mean really?

Can vouch for the fact that many do, and they are often from religious communities so single sex spaces are the only places where they would. They like them.

But even if a young woman wears a bikini because she likes men admiring her...so what? It's not a crime, it's not perverse, it's not unnatural, it doesn't mean she is stupid or vapid and it doesn't give any man the right to abuse her in any way.

Why do you care what they wear? It's swimwear - there's no hiding your body regardless of the type of swimwear you put on...believe me, I've tried!!! Sounds like you are either jealous, or you also like looking at young women's bodies. Perhaps you and your husband should keep your fantasies to the bedroom and stop projecting them on to people who are there in no sexual capacity at all and utterly oblivious to judgmental/perving middle aged weirdos.

Yeah, not so many years back if you went to a spa or public pool your swim wear would be something a swimmer would wear. Full sporty swim suit or bikini. Of course string and thong bikinis can look fab but they’re absolutely the wrong kind of swimwear to wear for a spa or public pool.

I mean they were literally designed for exposing as much akin to the sun as possible so you can tan better. That was their purpose.

similar to a thread I started yesterday about standards in public, I think people’s standards have just slipped and they just do what they want. Most women would not behave like those women did towards your husband. They knew what they were doing, that they were either going to be giving him a show if he was the pervy type who’d sit and watch them with their full knowledge, OR if he had any decency and standards of behaviour towards women it would make him feel uncomfortable.

I do wonder if some young women have grown up in such a diet of Love Island etc that they just think that it’s normal to behave as you’re in an episode of it, trying to catch the eye of a man.

Anyone can wear what they wish. I don’t understand the parading around sentence. They were all young and wearing what appears to be in fashion. The same with gym attire that can be quite tight etc. Is it necessary? No probably not but it’s personal choice. We all have bodies. If he felt uncomfortable he did the right thing by leaving but they did nothing wrong. It seems he paid quite a lot of attention tbh.

Nasty.

That makes no sense. I can’t ‘look in the other direction’
of something without seeing it first?

Exactly. And they are described as young so these types of swimwear are what's fashionable amongst younger women at the moment. Perhaps they don't regularly swim and the only swimwear they had was the stuff they have for holidays in the sun. No need for them to have to buy an all-in-one just for a one off trip to a spa/health club with friends where there isn't a dress code.

But even if a young woman wears a bikini because she likes men admiring her...so what? It's not a crime, it's not perverse, it's not unnatural, it doesn't mean she is stupid or vapid and it doesn't give any man the right to abuse her in any way.

Jesus, is this really what we have come to? Depressing.

Have we really got to the stage where a Spa needs to expressly state that bikini bottoms or trunks should contain a crotch? Do people really need to be told that crotchless bottoms are inappropriate for the Spa?

Oh give over, those women didn’t behave in any way to her husband, on no planet did that happen. Nice way to victim blame, they were young women being ogled by some old perv who then proceeded to describe in detail the skimpyness of their bikinis and how they were slowly rubbing their breasts and arses. Every woman knows that’s a fantasy that didn’t happen.

and so what what people wore years ago, and yes the world has moved on, women can wear what they chose and yes current fashion for young women is bikinis/

I'm not married

If a man did that we’d believe it. We simply don’t believe four young women walked in in skimpy bikinis and stood there slowly rubbing their breasts ans arses.

But the women weren't wearing crotchless.
They were wearing "skimpy" bikinis. And yes, most spa's that I have been to have a code of conduct and dress code? That's not unusual.

I only used the example of crotchless in specific response to the previous poster who essentially said she's happy for women to wear what she wants then contradicted herself in the same sentence.

Here here. I wore a thong bikini when i was 18 and that was over 30 years ago! I am sure there were women around the pool who were horrified. The way the OP relays it raises far more concerns to me about her and her OH and their attitude towards women and girls.

I'm not surprised your DH felt uncomfortable I certainly would!

I also think thong bikinis shouldn't be allowed in indoor swimming pools it's hardly like they are sunbathing!

I absolutely don't think all men are pervs. Nothing of the sort. I have said elsewhere in the thread that I have worked in gyms and haven't seen men be lecherous over women

There's nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable and leaving - it's the blaming women for not being covered up enough that's the issue as far as I'm concerned - and the rubbing themselves in the shower as if they were trying to entice him

The OP wasn't there - she only has her husbands version of events

You should just be glad this wasn't a German sauna! Swimsuits are forbidden so all guests are butt naked, including in the jacuzzi and cold plunge pools.

'Standards have slipped...' They certainly have. Bring back the Edwardian bathing huts, segregated swimming and costumes with long sleeves and bloomers.

If it makes me a cool wife to be able to spot pervy bullshit a mile off, then I will wear the label with pride.

‘I’d also add ifs been so overused it is not seen as an insult. Grow up and move on, become more imaginative, use your own words, don’t just copy someone else’s,

and no one thinks he was a perv for being uncomfortable and leaving, if he’d simply said 4 young women came in, skimpy bikinis so I left them to it, no one would have batted an eyelid,

instead he described their bikinis in detail and proclaimed all 4 of them, yup all four, stood their slowly rubbing their breasts and arses.

anhone who beleives that happened is either incredibly naive or a misogynistic fool, and should hope to be a cool wife.