Made to feel uncomfortable

[Scottishlassie10]

Now I’m all for people wearing what they want but I do think there is a time and a place. My husband was in the health club last night relaxing in the jacuzzi when a group of young women in their early 20s wearing bikinis that left little to the imagination (think thong bottoms and boobs barely covered) started parading around. They came into the jacuzzi which I know they’re entitled to do, however 2 sat next to him and 2 directly facing. It’s quite a big jacuzzi so they had no need to sit where they did. He was the only male in. He felt he had no option to leave as this made him feel quite uncomfortable. Now I may be unreasonable in my thinking but I do think if the shoe was on the other foot and a male was to strut around the poolside in a thong or a group of men where to sit in an empty jacuzzi in close proximity to a female complaints would be made.

as is his jealous wife

...and here we see nothing if not misogyny.

In what way does it set women’s right back?
Which rights specifically?
Back to when exactly?

Where exactly is the hypocrisy in this situation?

Perhaps if young women continue to have the nerve to wear bikinis, we'll lose the vote

Back to where? This is a completely meaningless statement.

Back to a time when different rules apply.

Surely that's down to your husband's personal standards then? He's got every right to feel uncomfortable in any situation and move away from that situation.

And they had the right to wear clothing which they felt comfortable in, as long as public decency laws are adhered to.

The fact that he didn't move away when he felt uncomfortable and stayed to watch the women in the showers says more about him than them...

Followed by the rights to own property and have our own bank accounts. Perhaps marital rape will become legal again?

All because women wear bikinis in a jacuzzi.

yes she comes across as misogynistic but I guess that’s as she’s married to some old perv who comes home and pretends young women dressed in barely there costumes and started slowly rubbing their boobs and bums in front of him and then crowded him in the jacuzzi, I assume as he’s so fucking hot they couldn’t control themselves.

ive been to many spas, and never once seen a group of young women come in and start slowly rubbing their breasts and bums in unison in front of some bloke. Who is guaranteed to be older and not remotely attractive to them. In fact if Brad Pitt, George clooney and Timothy chalomet were sitting there I am still sure they’d not all start doing that.

quite simply they showered and he was watching so closely all he could imagine was that.

Women. Are. Not. Responsible. For. Men's. Thoughts. And. Actions.

11 pages in and that's not the general consensus, OP.
The general consensus is that actually the women did nothing wrong. You're husband can feel however he wants to feel but unless your health centre has rules about what to wear they didn't do anything wrong.

no, I don't see that complaints would be made about either.

I don't think he's the bad guy per se. But he chose to sit and watch these women shower then came home and told his wife about it. I'm not sure that makes him the good guy either

Unsurprising, since no man in skimpy Speedos has ever come and sat right next to me on the beach, partly on my towel.
you see the comparison there doesn’t quite work?

he sounds like a decent type but so what, the girls were a bit in your face, he was uncomfortable, they didn’t intimidate him and at no point did he feel unsafe. Men are pretty lucky really.

I agree with OP, too. Everything the girls did was inappropriate- skimpy bikinis, rubbing their bodies on purpose, sitting very close to the husband even though there was lots if space further away.

I meant the jealous wife comment was misogynistic.

You were not ‘made’ to feel anything.

Maybe it’s the thong I’m wearing.

Or just maybe, because it doesn’t happen to you, doesn’t mean other people don’t experience it…even though you ARE perfectly attractive (good for you!).

Thong bikinis are inappropriate. I'm all for women wearing what they are comfortable in as long as they're not flashing private bits-breasts, bums and vaginas. If people don't want to cover their arse, they should go to a nudist event.

Oh my god let me correct my language. At no point WAS he unsafe. If you are clearly safe if you consider your situation rationally then it doesn’t matter if your internal paranoia and self centering makes you feel unsafe because you’re emotionally threatened. Not all feelings are to be embraced. I care about whether people are safe.

He was uncomfortable about what? Did he think they might SA him? And where else should they have sat? They weren't on his lap.

He didn't have to look at their bodies. In fact he shouldn't have been. If women in swimwear make him uncomfortable he should go to a men only session or hire a private pool to use alone.

In response to those who have implied that my husband thought they fancied him or were interested in him, that is definitely not the case. As for him telling me why wouldn’t he. I’d tell him if the situation was reversed. Also I’m certainly not jealous of these women.

I’d lay good money on the fact he’d probably been man spreading in the jacuzzi for too long. Seen it too often. Men deciding to wrinkle up for ages in a communal hot tub, arms spread across the back and legs wide akimbo, overstaying to the point of rudeness to other users.

I think they deliberately made him feel awkward to get him to move his water shrivelled backside out of there.

it was fairly obvious from WHAT HE SAYS, they knew what they were doing

If this doesn't give you the ick with him, nothing will.

It's an updated version of 'She was asking for it.' It's rapey.

I accept he felt uncomfortable. But they were just there. His interpretation of them being there is different. And no, the situation would not have been equal if it were a single woman and a group of men. Because groups of women don't rape one man. Groups of men however DO exhibit predatory behaviour.

Your DH was turned on and is pretending he wasn't. Creepy.

What a contradictory statement 😂
I'm all for women wearing what they are comfortable in... except

So you aren't all for women wearing what they want then?

Ah well I can answer this one because when I was in my twenties and thirties I did a lot of parading around. You're naive if you think that young women don't know exactly what they're doing.

So it's about picking the sexiest outfit one can find and showing off as much as possible by parading around. It isn't necessarily a deliberate attempt to make other people feel uncomfortable - it's about low self esteem and keeping all eyes on you so that you can delude yourself that you're the most attractive woman in any situation.