AIBU to be confused: some couples don’t share a bed/room with their when they have a new baby?

[Raye7]

Today i discovered some couples don’t sleep in the same bed when they have a new baby (and the dad/other parent doesn’t help through the night). It’s not something we have done or even considered.

Does your partner sleep in the same bed as you, if you have a newborn/baby who wakes in the night?

Why do people choose to do this?

(obviously i know i am being unreasonable - people can do what they want - posting here for traction)

We had twins so we were sleeping in shifts during the new born phase so who ever was doing the sleeping was in our bedroom. Who was on baby duty was in the nursery dealing with the babies. I have never had a singleton so l can’t comment. It’s safe to say l wouldn’t be on baby duty every night if we had. The ultimate piss take is when the dad hogs the master bedroom then mum gets delegated to the spare room or nursery

Why are you confused? Different people make different decisions based on their different needs.

My babies were exclusively breastfed so my dh didn’t need to be woken up to help me breastfeed.

My dh drives a 30 tonne vehicle. He needs decent sleep in order to remain safe on the roads.

DH did stay with us during his paternity leave to help with formula feeds and changes. But baby is now EBF plus he has an hour long car commute each way. I really want him to be rested so he is safe when driving. He’d rather stay with us but when he occasionally tries he quickly realises how awful it is being woken up multiple times a night.

Beyond the first couple of weeks when mum is recovering from childbirth this is really pointless though. Another adult waking in the night to do nappy changes when the baby is 7/8/9/10 months old when the awake adult can do it in seconds is quiet weird.

Goodness me. You must be a deep sleeper.

At 7/8/9/10 months DH would do the first few wakes regardless to settle and I would feed after 3 hours and if signing milk (baby signing was amazing both signing regularly by 6 months).

So we both got rest.

Of course if they were ill and just wanting boob then it would be me but typically we would co-sleep when this happened.

BF doesn't mean it all needs to be on mum including in the night there are ways that partners and husbands can and do help out.

Isn't the main benefit of breastfeeding that you can snooze through the night feeds?

No one changes a nappy at night at 7+ months? That's like the first 6 weeks max. More like 2 weeks for mine.

You’re in the absolute minority if the only time you changed a nappy during the night is up to two weeks.

Never heard of anyone changing nappies in the night 😂Most babies stop pooping at night by 6 weeks.

Only if your boobs are big enough. Mine weren't. I would have smothered DD if I had done that. I did try but it didn't work.

I had twins. Can’t imagine doing that.

Not sure what you mean, surely big boobs would be a smother risk 🤔

Two babies are a different ball game.

There must be an optimum size then. Mine weren't.

I just fed lying down on my side so didn't need to be fully awake once they latch themselves on.

I don't think she's in the minority. I've never heard anyone who has needed to change nappies past 5/6 weeks overnight.

Maybe not 2 weeks but certainly not 7 months unless there was a poo. No need to disturb child more than necessary and nappies are very good these days.

Wonder why 7 month olds are regularly away at night these days? I have one who was a pita to go to bed. But it seems people are regularly feeding 7 month olds in night now. Strange how the biology has changed. Or are they waking more as ina room with parents?

We only gave water in night by 7 months Kids didn't starve.

Nonsense, babies decades ago still woke and their parents didn’t hear them because they were in another room, often with the door shut and no monitor.

You’re simultaneously saying your baby never woke at 7 months but also that you fed it water in the night.

My son's nappy would leak if I didn't have a size up overnight nappy on him, but he was prone to massive wees and had a chunky bum.

Re: night feeds, I rather suspect the "no feeds in the night" thing was the alteration of natural behaviour rather than night feeds being unnatural. I don't have the slide from our antenatal class, but it was comparing night feeds across species to show that it was normal for humans and other apes to night feed.

And re boob size, I imagine there's definitely an optimal size. I guess small boobs you need to budge really close and might squish them in a side feed, and with my XL variety I always had to hold it for him. But not when he was older.

No I never said they didn't wake Simply as they only got water if they did. Certainly not going to encourage it

. And not all babies are in another room. My eldest was nearly 2 by the time she got her own room as I lived in a one bed flat. Couldnt be done bothering to sell it when she was very young and I worked full time then the purchase on another fell through twice

A friend's daughter is in a 1 bed with 3 kids ( now in 2026) so none of them we " shut away in a room"

And I remember brother having a baby monitor. He was born in 1979. So quite a few bloody decades ago u must be talking,

And yet you’re claiming babies regularly “wake in the night these days” as though babies didn’t always wake through the night, which is just clearly rubbish.

I slept in the same room as my baby son during the week as my DH had to go to work and nobody makes allowances for tired dads in the workplace.

At weekends we slept in the same room. Once I went back to work baby was old enough to sleep in a room by himself anyway,

Ok regularly wake in the night and need feeding and nappy changing then. Rather than being allowed to self settle. Better for you ...

But you didn't allow your child to self settle you fed them water (which isn't recommended for BF babies u1 overnight bte).