AIBU to be confused: some couples don’t share a bed/room with their when they have a new baby?

[Raye7]

Today i discovered some couples don’t sleep in the same bed when they have a new baby (and the dad/other parent doesn’t help through the night). It’s not something we have done or even considered.

Does your partner sleep in the same bed as you, if you have a newborn/baby who wakes in the night?

Why do people choose to do this?

(obviously i know i am being unreasonable - people can do what they want - posting here for traction)

I breastfeed so what's the point of us both being knackered.
I also cosleep and I'd rather have more bed. Oh and he snores 😂

We’ve always slept in the same bed, can’t really imagine not sharing a bed with my DH but I also did the majority of the night feeds and wakes. DH usually took them down early morning as he’s an early riser where as I used to prefer a sleep in. So I would go to bed early with the baby and do the night shifts, he would take them downstairs at like 5ish until he went to work or on a weekend until I woke up.

Are you breastfeeding? Are you co-sleeping? Do you have older children who need help at night? These all have an impact! I bed share and breastfeed so baby needs me and only me all night so no point in DH getting woken up constantly in with us when he can get better sleep in the other room and tend to the bigger one when she wakes overnight.

This!!
Tbh I'm quite happy having my own space

Makes total sense, I’m breastfeeding so I’m up with the baby all the time and he needs sleep so he can go to work safely the next day. Why is that weird to you?

Dh is a bad sleeper. My 7 month old DS prefers to share his bed with his toys (and his personal cow aka me) rather than his father and actually tries to push him away! I sleep in our double bed with ds, dh sleeps in ds' room in a single bed. Sometimes I pop ds with his father in the early morning so I can have a nice snooze alone (and dh does the nappy change). DS sleeps from 12 to 6 pm but has also feeds from my boob without waking me up!⁸

All of the above!

I found this odd too when we had dc1. But I’ve recently had baby #4 and whilst DH starts off in bed with us, he is inevitably up with older dc (all under 6) during the night and ends up in the spare bed with one of them. Works for me as I am bf and co-sleeping and like the big bed!

Is it really beyond your imagination to think why people might do this?!

I think ‘helping through the night’ is optimistic if you have a breast fed baby.

As already said, it’s pretty simple, co-sleeping, breastfeeding etc.

Nope, we didn't share a room for I'd say a year after baby 1 and will be the same.when baby 2 comes shortly. A few different reasons but all specific to us;

a) Husband is horrific snorer - he stayed the 1st two nights I came home from the hospital to help with lifting as I had stitches but I was crying with exhaustion as I couldn't sleep and he was waking the baby.

b) I exclusively breastfed and baby didn't usually poo overnight so there was literally nothing he could help with? Pointless him being woke a few times a night when he had work and couldn't even do anything to help me.

c) I ended up cosleeping after a few months and he'd 100% roll over on the baby which is obviously dangerous.

Usually he had the baby sleep in the moses basket downstairs after 9pm night feed and then when baby woke he'd bring it upstairs for a feed so I went to bed at 9pm to get a few solid hours sleep knowing I wasn't in charge. He helped in other ways like making all our meals, taking baby out for walks so.I could shower or nap or do what I needed etc.

Who said i thought it was weird? I just asked why people decide to do it, as it isn’t something I considered myself.

Sleeping in separate bedrooms was the best solution for our family. DH got sleep, I got sleep, DDs got sleep. Breastfeeding is so much easier if you can roll over, feed, then both roll back to sleep. I think the whole idea that co-parenting should mean equal cuts of the same tasks is bonkers. Moms have the milk, and it's 1000x easier for us to feed from our breasts than us pumping, dad getting up, bottle making/cleaning/sterilizing. It also impacts supply, so if you have to pump at work (I did) night feedings really kept my supply strong

Plus, it's safer. We put a firm mattress on the floor so baby wouldn't suffocate or roll to a great distance. Breastfeeding moms are far more attuned to baby than even the most attentive fathers.

We just had sex in creative places or his bed.

He snored.

Whilst I was awake alot with the babies I found it less stressful than watching him sleep and breath like a walrus

I ended up having to cosleep because dd would not sleep any other way. This is much safer with only one parent, particularly the feeding parent.

DH still got up and helped in the night. In the beginning he helped because we had breastfeeding challenges. Then it was just with diaper changes.

DH and I stayed sleeping in the same bed. I think people do whatever works for them. Personally I don't like sleeping apart from him (and him me) and so we chose not to.

you might be happy to wake up your partner for no reason when you are ill or when you have a baby, some of us don't see the point. How is that so hard to understand

Why? because some of us want to SLEEP.

So when dad takes over, mum sleeps in a separate room and vice-versa. Only works when you stop breast-feeding

Are you really ‘confused’?

I breastfed and co slept. The big bed was for me and my baby.

Now I've no babies, have a single bed and my own room.

I couldn't imagine sharing a bed with another adult. Fuck that.

With DD1 I co-slept so DH slept in another room.

With DD2, she was a terrible sleeper and I had severe PND (genuinely close to suicide) so I slept elsewhere. DH brought her through to me to feed and then took her back and she slept on his chest all night while he stayed awake so I could sleep. He’d bring her to me at about 5am so he could sleep for a few hrs before work. He worked from home so he slept 5-8:55, with a nap at lunch.

Surprised? Possibly, if you're one of those people who doesn't realise that different people do things differently.

Confused? Give over.

It does sorta kill your sex life. I used to have sex daily or at least 3 times a week but now its more like once a week or once in 10 days.

You know, I actually found it easier to co-sleep with 2 of us, so baby couldn't fall off the bed. It stressed me no end when it was just me 😂

Us under the duvet, baby on top of the duvet in his gro-bag, sorted. We didn't have the next-to-me bed then, sadly

My husband is a pilot and needs to operate heavy machinery which is suboptimal when you’ve been awake every hour on the hour with a baby.

I breastfed and co-slept/'breast slept' so had the duvet off and away from baby - DH was cold. DH was also a 'roll risk' for baby, and he snores. Our bed isn't a huge double.

We all slept better separately. DH moved to airbed on our bedroom floor whenever baby came into our bed to feed and co-sleep. He did all the night nappies and helped with any winding if needed, so he wasn't completely redundant.

And when baby2 arrived, he was on duty should the eldest wake up (toddler).