To tell friend her new partner was a former client of mine?

[Frienddilem]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I previously worked as an escort, something I started during Uni and continued part time until two years ago when I finally stopped.

One of my friends who I live a couple of hours from these days but still message regularly and meet up at least twice a year, has been seeing a new man. She sent me a photo of him in the early days and I thought nothing of it.

However, on further inspection after my friend shared some specific details, I have realised he is someone who met me on a few occasions in my line of work. 3 or so years ago.

He was perfectly pleasant and polite so no concerns in that respect. However, I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her? But also feel terrible that she is really happy and I would come along and potentially ruin it.

Thoughts welcome please? If it helps, my friend is fully aware about my former ‘job’.

YABU - not my place to say anything
YANBU - definitely tell her

It can be done this way... Lube is advised

I don’t know OP. To me you sound like you want to burst her love bubble.

I’d want to know a potential long term partner is ok with using escorts

If you care about her and you know she wouldn't like it I would tell her.

No she was asking for advice how is that moral judgement

How do you know that?

I think a lot of people judge sex workers that’s all her body her choice

:-)

I would tell your friend soon. You are effectively lying to her. He of course would be familiar with you and she could pick up on signs you both shared intimate times howver hard you try to cover it up. Body language gives people away. I would do the right thing and be honest with your friend.

If I found out down the line a friend of mine who worked as an escort happened to "escort" my boyfriend in the past I wouldn't be happy. The fact that her boyfriend and friend have kept this secret makes it even worse.

Do the right thing and be honest with your friend. You've done nothing wrong. It was years ago but she has a right to know as friendship is about honesty and loyalty.

I would be more concerned about how many marriages I had broken up in this line of work, although you dont seem bothered about that at all, just how much money you earned. That becomes apparent when your trying to ruin your "friends" new relationship. You dont have to tell her, just tell him who you are. Its up to him to tell your friend.

Now you sound even more vile (and gleeful).

I'm not sure why you'd want to brag about being paid to sexually service grotty, cheating husbands.

Exactly...

You did the right thing. If I was in your friend’s situation I would want to know and would be grateful my friend had been honest and upfront.

Dont tell her. Why would you try to ruin a happy relationship. Concentrate on your own life

No, the poster wasn’t doing anything of the kind. They were just pointing out the degree of detachment. But then you knew that.

She’s not bragging. She’s simply responding to some of the vile comments from holier than thou posters who’ve ignored the reason she posted and gone straight to thinking that because she’s been a sex worker they’re somehow entitled to insult her. Look back through some of the comments. OP isn’t the vile one here and she’s entitled to defend herself.

Except that being a sex worker has enabled OP to do just that. Or did you miss the bit about her being able to put herself through uni and gain professional qualifications enabling her to get where she wants to be, debt free ? MN is a very strange place sometimes. Men have been using women for centuries. Not only by buying sex, but as traffickers, pimps and drug pushers who make money off the backs of the women they more or less enslave in various ways. But woe betide any woman who has the nerve to rise above that and play men at their own game.

This is just more judgemental bollocks. Apart from anything else OP updated quite a while ago to say she had told her friend and everything was OK. Kind of blows out of the water the theory that OP was trying to ruin her friends’ relationship.

And why would she be breaking up any marriages ? She wasn’t the ‘other woman’, she was providing a paid service. If the men who paid for those services were cheating, that’s on them. Do you expect others selling goods and services to worry about the effects on their customers once they’re out of the door ?

The amount of hostility towards OP, questioning her motives for telling her friend is astounding - do posters really think that having been a sex worker means you can’t possibly have any morals about anything ?

She IS bragging! And that's because it would give her the feeling of one-upmanship!
How mean, & smug! Some friend you are. Glad you're not mine!

I think the fact that OP has clearly made a lot of money and has invested the proceeds well for her future indicates that she’s intelligent enough to know the important of safe sex to protect both her and her clients. And l doubt very much whether men who could afford to pay the prices OP clearly commanded would be kerb crawling the streets and shagging in the back of a car.

Your point about drugs makes no sense and I’d like to see the evidence for your theory that a broken condom becomes more likely the more you shag !!

I personally would be put off by someone that uses escorts, it would definitely change my view of him. But then, ignorance is bliss. It's a tough one.

In all fairness when they pay her for a service it's usually agreed that privacy is respected. She worked as a professional escort she'd have lost her job if she went around telling everyone's business it's not for her to go blabbing his business now he's shagging her friend

I think it's thier body their choice too. Can't stand the judgement.

You're also not allowed to sell your blood or your organs.

Should we change that? Their body, their choice?