To tell friend her new partner was a former client of mine?

[Frienddilem]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I previously worked as an escort, something I started during Uni and continued part time until two years ago when I finally stopped.

One of my friends who I live a couple of hours from these days but still message regularly and meet up at least twice a year, has been seeing a new man. She sent me a photo of him in the early days and I thought nothing of it.

However, on further inspection after my friend shared some specific details, I have realised he is someone who met me on a few occasions in my line of work. 3 or so years ago.

He was perfectly pleasant and polite so no concerns in that respect. However, I feel like morally, I owe it to my friend to tell her? But also feel terrible that she is really happy and I would come along and potentially ruin it.

Thoughts welcome please? If it helps, my friend is fully aware about my former ‘job’.

YABU - not my place to say anything
YANBU - definitely tell her

It's just a kink. He engaged in it consensually and OP agreed to fulfill it after recieving mutually agreed upon payment.

Not all people with BDSM kinks are damaged.

I think some of the people here are deluded !! Jealous ? Of being a prostitute ? Is there any job that is more demeaning that selling your body for money ? Are people here for real ?

That's your opinion and you're entitled to it.
I disagree.

I disagree with yours vehemently. You are obviously in the wrong.

Sweet and innocent here

had to google pegging

tho I know a friend who likes that and his gf has a strap on

so she’s ok with him wanting a dildo shoved up his bum

In reading this thread I wondered how many men in the UK paid for sex. The best research I could find with a quick google is this, which gives a figure of 11% of men: https://sti.bmj.com/content/91/2/116.

More relevantly to your point, men who paid for sex tended to have a higher number of sexual partners and only an average of 18.7% of those were paid. So that suggests the typical man who buys sex does not need to get sex by paying for it, ie, unlikely to be disabled.

As a general comment (not specifically to you) I live in NZ where prostitution and brothel keeping was legalised 20 years ago. NSW did similar earlier. The sky hasn't fallen in. Tbh not much has changed since then though trafficking and illegal sex work still exists. Assaults of sex workers, including rape by stealthing, are prosecuted. There is a stigma, though maybe less than in the UK. No one of any importance thinks the law should be changed.

Yes it is.

Man professions, indeed most, require a degree of detachment. Obvious ones come to mind without thinking. Doctors. Lawyers. Nurses. Accountants, Psychiatrists. Trainers. In fact most professions.

Its in the past. Leave it there.

Oh well in that case, do your worst.... How would you feel if it was the other way around, l imagine you would be OK with that?...Do not interfere in others relationships, leave them alone

If you were my friend I would want you to tell me, would hate to think something like that was kept from me. Best to tell her now before things get serious. If it came out further down the line it could ruin your friendship.

No these men do not "deserve" her confidentiality.
Her friend does deserve to know the guy she is dating is a creep.
Her friend "deserves" better.

Are you seriously comparing those real professions to prostitution?

Prostitution's even better! Why study for years doing degrees and professional exams when you can just get busy with a strap on and whip and travel the world on the proceeds?!

Weirdly, I don't feel remotely jealous of someone who receives money in return for being used as a human spittoon.

Why would anyone rent out the most private and intimate parts of their body for access by random, almost certainly, physically repulsive men?

I think I previously read on Mumsnet, a post on prostitution that suggested going to the grottiest local pub, and looking around. Those fifty to a hundred men are probably typical of the number and range of punters a prostitute will 'service' in her typical week.

So take a good look at the middle-aged bellies, greased comb-overs, poor personal hygiene, bad breath, sweat stains, and excessive use of cheap deodorant. Men as old as your dad or grandad, or conversely only 18 years old seeing what's really on offer at that dodgy 'sauna'?

Oh, and they'll expect suitably feigned pleasure and great enthusiasm as part of the deal. Not to mention that the near limitless availability of extreme porn online means they'll consider niche and unpleasant sexual acts to be commonplace and routine.

Is this still a line of work you think you can and would want to do?

If I was her I would want to know and I would break it off with him.

If I was your friend, I'd want to know. So yes, I'd tell her. Sadly you might want to prepare for "shoot the messenger" reaction, but you're not at fault

I think you need to consider how you would feel if he told a new partner of yours who may be against using escorts that he'd used your services in the past. If you think he would be in the right to do this, then you can tell your friend with a clear conscience, but if you would be upset if it was this way round then you need to keep quiet.

On the other foot however, maybe you need to think about whether your friend would want to know.

Either way, be careful because now matter how close you are, people often shoot the messenger when confronted with information the find upsetting. I don't envy you your dilemma. Good luck.

Why is he a creep ?

Good for you. The shamey judgementalness of some replies is cringe worthy. Sex work is sex work, if you are consensually selling a service then so be it.
Your dilemma is tricky though, I initially felt that it would be wrong and unnecessary to share with your friend if you have no concerns, but then, considering the ongoing dynamics of keeping a secret, it could get messy. Can you envisage potentially sitting in their new home together, or attending their wedding and continuing to pretend you'd never met? Or how things would go, if he decided to tell her and you ended up looking like the shifty one for keeping quiet?
I think girl code would mean I'd struggle to keep a deciet long term and I'd be worried about it blowing up in my face. You could definitely frame it neutrally, if we remove the stigma, it sounds like there was no issue with him, it's just a thing that happened. She can decide if his past use of escorts, or the fact that it coincidentally happened to be you, if a deal breaker for her.
Good luck!

Spot on. So many posters reacting as if the dilemma is whether to shame him or not (interesting take) when it’s simply whether to share information which the friend may want to know.

Sex work my arse.

Tell. It wouldn't sit right with me not telling a close friend I'd been intimate with her partner, work or not. Imagine spending time with them and she's the only one that doesn't know... She needs to know.

What if the dealer offers good quality drugs made in a controlled environment and bought willingly for a price? 🤣

And you don't know whether she offers safe sex. The chances of catching something from a broken condom is much higher when you're shagging for a living and servicing lots of men who probably also sleep with the crackhead prostitutes.

Whatever floats your boat babe ❤️