To consider rehoming dog

[Celtic1hair]

Looking for advice as to be honest I cant really think straight. We got a dog 4 years ago, small cavapoo after years of wanting one, did not go into it blindly, Ive had dogs all my life and am well aware of all of the needs and sacrifices needed. Unfortunately he is super anxious. Had seperation anxiety to the point I was genuinely worried he would have a heart attack after being left for 10 minutes. This went on and on, ripping doors, paintwork whilst scratching for attention. We have had 5 dog trainers who cant seem to manage him, hes now become ultra wary of strangers and if anyone comes to the door the barking is relentless. I literally cant have workmen into the house because of him, even when put into the kitchen I have to sit and hold him on a lead the entire time. One dog trainer suggested getting a dog for company and nothing has changed at all, just added workload to the whole issue. I have three children, and the dog is amazing with them, but they cant have friends over because of his behaviour, constant barking and if they come close even growling. My husband cant bear it, so Im bearing the brunt of his frustration too and we have had some awful rows. I adore the little thing but I cant carry on like this for another 10 years.

just to add, when Ive looked at pet rehoming charities, because he growls so much at people Im not even sure if they would accept him.

I don’t think rehoming is going to solve his problem - just offload it to someone else. He sounds very stressed and unhappy.

i may be shot down but is it kinder to PTS?

Have you considered a behaviourist rather than a dog trainer? Dog trainers are GREAT for some things, they teach skills and tricks which is great if you have a puppy or a dog with already pretty good obedience, typically works on a reward based structure, can prevent bad behaviours developing. BUT once you have those bad behaviours, especially to this extent, a dog trainer alone is pretty much useless. A dog that is stressed and anxious is not well placed to “learn” anything this way.

You really could do with a behaviourist, they specifically work with dogs like yours who already have these behaviour problems, often fear or anxiety based, and rather than trying to teach the dog (which once they are this stressed isn’t possible) they assess the dog as is, look at triggers, environment, history, and try to focus on why the behaviour is happening. Once they’ve done that they then create a plan.

Dog trainers are basically unregulated a lot of the time, I could call myself a dog trainer. No decent trainer of any kind, with any degree of qualifications or experience, would have advised getting another dog to solve behaviour problems.

What has your vet said? Have you/ they considered medication alongside behavioural therapy?

Im going to get loads of flack for this, but honestly the dog sounds miserable, maybe just have it put down l can't see how it would cope with kennels. So if you csnt keep it what other option do you have?

Honestly I think this would be the realistic choice. I cant bear the thought of it and if it was just us in the house all day long he would be the perfect perfect animal...but thats not possible or realistic is it? Im literally a prisoner in my own house with him. The thing is I cant see the wood for the trees any more so Ive lost all sense of perspective. The second dog is so much more placied and if alone easy to train and well behaved, but the problem dog makes him behave badly iyswm?

I read and thought PTS is far kinder than rehomeing him.

Poodle dogs are well known for anxiety and it seems like your Cavapoo has inherited that trait from the poodle side.

i have a Maltipoo (Maltese x toy poodle) and she’s quite a nervous dog and I wouldn’t say she’s an easy dog either!

not as severe as yours, but she is very anxious on walks near main roads etc and is a barker when someone comes in or near the front door.

it does surprise me that dog trainers can’t help, I thought they could usually train any issue.

if the dog is causing a problem at home, you’ve tried your best with behavioural training etc, and as long as you re home the dog properly (not selling it on) and giving it to a proper rescue centre, then it’s perfectly fine to re home them.

people re home dogs for many different reasons, there’s no shame in rehoming a pet, no one knows whether the pet is suitable for your home until you actually get them.

yes we have, sorry I wasnt clear in differentiating. Just said he gets so overwhelmed he cant listen, which I agree, but ultimately that doesnt help.

Have you crate trained him?

My dog would be similar in some of those circumstances, workmen in the house etc, but happily goes into his (covered) crate and relaxed, not a peep out of him if he's there.

Meds are another possibility to explore - eg fluoxetine if crate training doesn't seem to help manage issues better.

The vet said castration may make him worse, and that medication wouldn't be suitable as its not for a specific time period, its anytime someone comes to the door so I cant pre-epmt it.

How much exercise does he get, if he's completely worn out is he still jumpy and growly?

I am a big dog lover and agree that PTS would be a kindness. I would find this very stressful and stressful, not what owning a pet should be.

yep tried it, Im quite strict so not a pushover but honestly he was so worked up it was impossible.

Yes he is, same regardless of short walks, long walks, no walks and only garden.

Honestly, I think you've got a lot of options here if you haven't tried crate training, a reputable behaviourist, and meds. Your present vet might not like prescribing fluoxetine but plenty of vets are very happy to and it can work well along side a behavioural program.

This is where the issues with my husband are. The dogs (mainly the problem one but obviously he cant seperate them in his mind always) are a huge stress for him: damaging paintwork, the incessant barking as he comes in the door with three kids after work etc etc. And because of it he cant see any of the pleasure of dog ownership if that makes sense so we argue about it, and he thinks im just defending the dogs at all cost but its more that Im just trying to diffuse the situation.

So what's actually happening with the crate training, for eg?

Fluoxetine can work by getting them to a calmer state for the training to be more effective.

If you can see the anxious behaviour - scratching, ripping doors and paintwork, then the dog is over threshold and cannot learn.
You need to work with the dog while they are under threshold. This will mean not leaving him alone at all initially until his stress hormones (which will be through the roof) can settle. This may take months.
Then you can work with him. Bug you need an accredited behaviourist, not a trainer.

We have tried crate training and a behaviourist. The vet practice said on two different occasions that medication wouldnt help him because hes absolutely fine when noone else is around, and said he would be concerned that as I have children if he were to become less aware of his surroundings that could be an issue. Im not sure how true that is but its made me worried and Im not a vet to know any different?

poor you and poor dog 😣

it sounds like neutering would be worth trying. Yes, it could make him worse but it may well not. It sounds like the current situation is not sustainable so you have to try something different.

My friend had an experience like this with a cavapoo - it was awful - there house had all the doors shut and nothing could be left around because of his resource guarding - an accidental sweeet wrapper he got hold off might mean they couldn’t use their lounge for 3-4 hours while he was guarding it - they lived like you and it was a sentence - they eventually decided to rehome and they kept in touch with the people who took him - he’s much happier in a child free house - she used the Doodle TRust and they were amazing - they will understand all what you are talking about and it will be a relief for you - even if you just talk to them - they are very open about dogs problems and specialise in rehiring doodles with this behaviour

its viscous circle because you aren’t relaxed and then dog isn’t relaxed and it feeds each other

Sorry Im probably not making myself clear at all. When he is calm he is so easy to train, we worked with the behavioursit on lots of delayed gratification, patience etc. He picks it up instantly. The issue the behaviourist couldnt get through was that he does know how to do these things but cannot do them in when hes anxious: So the work has been done but it doesnt cross over at all.

attacking the crate, clawing at it etc barking incessently to the point hes honestly foaming at the mouth,

We PTS under similar circumstances. The vet was sort of convincing us it was the right thing to do in the end.

We tried fluoxetine (Reconcile) and 7 months of training for 5 days a week (with a professional behaviourist watching the videos from each training session and providing feedback) to crack his separation anxiety. We plateaued at 60-75 mins and the vet said that’s likely all he’d achieve. Also, please don’t blame yourself - I worried I’d babied my dog or otherwise made him anxious, but the vet said that’s likely if after all that training, he was still anxious, ur was just the way he was wired.

Our pup would also bark the place down - initially from excitement at visitors but that started to become aggression instead. He wasn’t confident even in his own home. It’s not fair for a dog to always be on edge. Also, you have his AND your own mental health to think about. I was a prisoner in my own home too, and my children would have suffered, as you’re experiencing now.

I sobbed and sobbed as the months went on and I realised it was likely a PTS situation. You clearly love your pet otherwise you wouldn’t be second guessing yourself. The vet said, when the deed was about to be done, that it’s about the dog’s WELFARE and what’s kindest to the animal. The dog has no concept of the future or that it might have an anxious wiring in its brain; it just lives not knowing when the next anxiety-inducing moment is around the corner.

I miss my boy so so much, but I’d far rather he was at peace than living another ten years stressed to all hell.

The re-homing situation in this country is dire. Best case he gets passed pillar to post unless you find him a unicorn new family that never leaves the house and has no visitors. In reality, a shelter or foster environment is more likely to stress him out even more than anything.

i hope you don’t get flamed on this thread. It’s a heartbreaking situation all round, OP.