To consider rehoming dog

[Celtic1hair]

Looking for advice as to be honest I cant really think straight. We got a dog 4 years ago, small cavapoo after years of wanting one, did not go into it blindly, Ive had dogs all my life and am well aware of all of the needs and sacrifices needed. Unfortunately he is super anxious. Had seperation anxiety to the point I was genuinely worried he would have a heart attack after being left for 10 minutes. This went on and on, ripping doors, paintwork whilst scratching for attention. We have had 5 dog trainers who cant seem to manage him, hes now become ultra wary of strangers and if anyone comes to the door the barking is relentless. I literally cant have workmen into the house because of him, even when put into the kitchen I have to sit and hold him on a lead the entire time. One dog trainer suggested getting a dog for company and nothing has changed at all, just added workload to the whole issue. I have three children, and the dog is amazing with them, but they cant have friends over because of his behaviour, constant barking and if they come close even growling. My husband cant bear it, so Im bearing the brunt of his frustration too and we have had some awful rows. I adore the little thing but I cant carry on like this for another 10 years.

You sound very niave

And surely an experienced professional would realise that it was the dog lunging at the gate with the child on the other side... Me having my hand on his collar wasn't stopping him getting away because he had no reason to be up at the gate! The only reason my hand was near his collar was in case he barged it down so luckily I was in a position to act as soon as he turned. And whilst I'm glad this poster had such a wonderful way with animals, I just want to point out that so do most of the posters who understand my situation and realise why I can't continue like this. As much as I'm the dogs whole entire world, he isn't my whole world and I don't think if people were really honest with themselves they would chose a dog over everyone and everything else: it's not like I've realised having a dog isn't the perfect insta life and changed my mind! Thank you again for being a voice of reason and kindness @Dunnocantthinkofone

Oh I wouldn’t waste too much time thinking about our very own Pied Piper of Dogs OP

She sounds like the sort of ‘expert’ who is a genius with dogs right up until she comes across a dog who doesn’t fit the usual pattern.Who teaches her what any true professional already knows…..no one knows it all and anyone who professes ability in the way she has is largely uninformed and overdue a big wake up call.

Anyway good luck with the rescue tomorrow

People like this don't realise the damage they do. I'm sure it's not intentional but some of the trainers we dealt with were the same, promising results and having no real understanding of the situation. Ultimately it's led to this, has they recognised they were ill equipped to deal with the dog equivalent of what I can only describe as being wired wrong we wouldnt be in the situation we are in now, we could have made a difficult decision sooner or as much as I hate to say it not get the second dog (as much as I adore him it was a choice driven to help the eldest dog not what we wanted as a family). Because it costs as well, we have wasted £1000s on the equivalent of snake oil salesman, which has led us to a situation now that I've had to draw a line and not keep spending any more. It's only two who were very honest when they actually saw him, and to his credit one other man I rang who said he couldn't help, and the second residential place. It's also dangerous, as much as people keep saying "had he wanted to bite he would have it was just a warning" that's just not true and could easily have been a very different conversation, yet none of these people recognised or acknowledged the risk despite him behaving like this in front of them and us saying we were worried.
Some people have an amazing rapport with dogs and can absolutely teach them so much better than the rest of us, but my dogs like mine have issues that they should recognise and be aware it's outside of their competency.

similar experience here - trainers coming in and showing how to do it “just do this” - dog responds in the one off then they go and it doesn’t work for you

the best trainers I’ve seen know dogs limits

trainers have exploded - loads of people doing it with qualifications or worth the paper they are written on - like poster above

I can only apologise on behalf of the profession. Those of us who end up picking up the pieces from every Tom dick and harry getting involved with their ‘expertise’ are as frustrated by the system as you are

Training dogs is so much more than…..if X happens, do Y
And don’t get me started on the absolute charlatans who peddle meaningless trainer qualifications….many of which do not require you to even handle a bloody dog!
sorry, rant over

@Celtic1hair having read the thread you have done everything you possibly can and are continuing to do so. It is clear this a very much loved pet.
We had to have our boy pts a few years ago and it broke our hearts. He was the best pup so easy trained loved his walks and an absolute joy. He wasnt our first dog but was a very special boy. He got to 9 months and it was like a swtich would go off his in brain and he would become aggressive, bit me and two different friends. We managed him tried not to trigger him though we had no idea really what those triggers were. These episodes got more frequent. We took him to our vet thinking maybe there something causing him pain that made him switch, had him neutered etc.
My grandsons were quite young and I was terrified he would switch with them so after further trials and vet visits we had to have him PTS as he could not be re-homed as he had bitten people. She did say that his breed, he was a lakeland, hadnt assimilated as well as other terrier breeds like yorkies etc she also said cocker spaniels could be problematic as well and over the years had seen this trait quite a bit and that we were really unlucky.
If we could have been able to just reason with him but it got quite bad so we had to make the decision.
outside of this switch he was the best wee dog but we just couldnt live with unpredictability.
I totally understand your dilemma if love could have saved ours we’d still have him but absolutely we made the right choice for both him and our family.

Exactly. I'm praying I get the chance to rehome but had he bitten that wouldn't be an option, yet people like this poster don't recognise the risks and continue to give bad advice. Imagine if I had listened to advice like this against my own judgement. The dog was in another room luckily, he was the one up at the gate: he wasn't trying to get away with some child pestering him with us ignoring the warning signs. Over and over we have told these people how stressed we are with the situation , not once did any of them consider the dogs welfare considering people do snap and a dog could end up treated poorly because of it. Ours never has but to be honest I can see how it could turn like that even though it's inexcusable, yet only one person really laid it out on the line that we had to consider that this might not be solveable. Sorry if I sound as if I'm suddenly pinning blame on everyone else, but I'm starting to really reflect on how many people have given poor advice they are totally unqualified to give, all of them have certificates from one place or another and how much this has affected us.

Totally agree, I've always had my dogs trained and I've experienced brilliant ones, luckily this is the first time anything like this has happened, which is probably why I kept putting faith in the wrong people. It must be so frustrating to have your professional service damaged like this x

I'm sorry you have your profession tarnished like this and end up getting tarred with the same brush x

@Celtic1hair what a lot of trainers haven’t grasped is that for a dog like yours, they aren’t teaching him how to behave. That isn’t the goal.
They should be helping him get comfortable in his own skin. Behaviour work has its limits….often management is always going to be part of the picture. Just as an anxious person can’t be magically changed into one who sails through life, neither can a dog.
often you can improve things, manage others,compromise here and there to make it livable for all
But not always. And they are either too greedy for your cash or naive about their ability to alter your situation to be straight with you
Im so sorry

Thank you for sharing, I can only imagine how heartbreaking it must have been for you. This is the thing with ours, I feel we are only at the point he hasn't bitten because we have made our world smaller and smaller to prevent it, and now that I can't continue to do so I've had to face up to the fact I'm in a position I can't sustain. It's so hard to look at my boy when he's behaving indoors so well, walking nicely etc to the fact realistically he isn't really being a "dog" if that makes sense? We are managing the world around him where really he should be able to fit into ours (obviously with some exceptions) x

The thing is, there are a lot worse fates than having him put to sleep at home, warm, safe, with his family etc, rather than being passed on to a possibly uncertain future. He will just drift off and won’t have to endure the mental pain that he lives with constantly.

Please do not crucify yourself if you choose this option. It’s completely valid despite what some people might think!

Thank you very much. I think it's just so difficult because 90% of the time he OK. But that's only because I've limited our world to reduce as many issues that I possibly can, so I suppose I'm struggling with feeling like I should just carry on like that, but since actually speaking g about it properly on this post I now know I can't, and shouldn't have to. You should be able to have visitors in another room, you should be able to take the other dog out for a walk. It's also hard to seperate what is just naughty and what is hard wired in his brain so I feel like there is more I could do and it's my fault. But ultimately I've trained him as well as anyone can, the issue is he's just not able to stop when needed and there's nothing I can do about that which I now realise. Spaniel aid have got back to me and are willing to try and see f they Can get a foster home for him so I'm just hoping we can find some amazing person who is willing to take a chance on him x

That’s great news

That’s brilliant news OP.
It’s genuinely in his best interests, even though it won’t feel like that to you now

That's why I keep Labradors

Don’t be so bloody silly. All breeds and therefore all crosses have the potential for dogs to develop behavioural problems

Ignorant breed bias helps no one

Of course, but it's much more likely that badly bred crosses will develop behavioural issues over a well-bred pedigree.

Yes, and all breeds have breed specific traits. Some deliberately bred for, which may or may not be problematic.

Actually over the period of time I’ve been a trainer, cavapoos have been one of the least represented in terms of behaviour issues. Much less than Labradors as it happens.

The OP has been incredibly unlucky.
That’s not to say a well bred pedigree from health tested parents and a fabulous breeder aren’t preferable. Obviously they are - many of the problem labs have doubtless not come from these sources.

But that statement smacks of kicking the OP while she’s down and places blame for her breed choice, not help

Thank you. I appreciate it's an easy assumption to make but actually we did do our research. I knew the breeder, met the mother and father. I actually also knew where she had got the mother from so had technically met his maternal grandparents too who all had beautiful temperaments, and spoke to people who had had a puppy from this line with zero issues, much less experienced than me.
I grew up with cavaliers but unfortunately due to the overbreeding issues was very wary of this so we decided on the cavapoo, all of the minor issues specific to the breed wouldn't have been an issue, we never expected "a perfect dog" and it was certainly never about looks. Every dog breed has positives and negatives, and every sensible owner has to balance them up. I think we have been extremely unlucky

Also that's really interesting because I spoke to a doggy day care earlier about the other dog to see if I could get him booked in going forwards because I'm concious he has never actually been left alone so wouldn't want to do that at first, plus I think it would be lovely for him. The plan always was to do this with the eldest but we couldn't trust him and I was worried he'd bite and end up in this position so we had agreed to revisit the idea once we had seen behaviourist etc. She said the same thst she had never heard of this with a cavapoo so was very surprised.

Op - I work with a cohort of trainer/behaviourists. Between us we have well over 80 years experience. Universally, every time a new client/dog presents and is a cavapoo- to any of us- our response is ‘oh good a nice easy family dog’

You have genuinely been seriously unlucky.

Thank you. I honestly hoped with every single person they would say we were the problem because we have been completely committed to working with him, so we would have done absolutely everything we were told to do to fix the issue! I'm probably coming across as really defensive now, but people who make completely untrue assumptions don't actually address the issue and it seems really mean and superior. It's very easy to judge others when you haven't been in the situation yourself isn't it? X