To consider rehoming dog

[Celtic1hair]

Looking for advice as to be honest I cant really think straight. We got a dog 4 years ago, small cavapoo after years of wanting one, did not go into it blindly, Ive had dogs all my life and am well aware of all of the needs and sacrifices needed. Unfortunately he is super anxious. Had seperation anxiety to the point I was genuinely worried he would have a heart attack after being left for 10 minutes. This went on and on, ripping doors, paintwork whilst scratching for attention. We have had 5 dog trainers who cant seem to manage him, hes now become ultra wary of strangers and if anyone comes to the door the barking is relentless. I literally cant have workmen into the house because of him, even when put into the kitchen I have to sit and hold him on a lead the entire time. One dog trainer suggested getting a dog for company and nothing has changed at all, just added workload to the whole issue. I have three children, and the dog is amazing with them, but they cant have friends over because of his behaviour, constant barking and if they come close even growling. My husband cant bear it, so Im bearing the brunt of his frustration too and we have had some awful rows. I adore the little thing but I cant carry on like this for another 10 years.

That’s no way to live

you’d be teaching your kids a good thing not what pp said - you are teaching them you don’t have to persevere in the face of defeat and there are options

I so so sympathise because I was alongside my friend for three years - you cannot live like that - it’s too much to overcome

everyone suggesting cover the crate etc are not even anywhere near understanding the nature of this and how the house becomes not your home

Before putting to sleep I would see if a charity would take them. Dogs Trust or a local one. The charity we got our dog from 8 years ago, take a lot of dogs with anxiety and say they need a quiet retired couple. There are people who would hardly have any visitors and would be happy with your dog situation.

Also children do not help it. We have one child & Lovely but high maintenance old dog passed away in November. I cannot tell you how much easier my life is without a dog in the house. I think it would be a good idea to re-home them both. Someone will love them and look after them, and you will be able to put your attention on your children, and your relationship with your husband will improve.

I know lots of people are able to handle busy lives with dogs and children, but honestly our life is so much easier with just two adults and one child in the house.

Please stop suggesting meds - this dog has multiple problems not one behaviour to be tackled

You need a new vet. Our dog is an anxious wee thing too – always on alert – but nowhere near as bad as your boy sounds. But the vet prescribed anti-anxiety medication for her regardless and said that some dogs need to be on it for life. Going straight to PTS without trying medication first is madness.

And people please stop making OP feel like she hasn’t done enough and to try one more thing “like you would”

I can hear OP
how much you’ve done

But all the behaviours OP has described stem from anxiety. I agree medication may not be a cure all, but it may help significantly and it’s madness not to try.

You have no understanding becuase your dog has one problem

My heart breaks for you, what a sad situation. We had a cross breed who hated anyone coming to our house except, luckily, family and the hairdresser, and he definitely limited what we could do. Ironically, after we lost him and got a new puppy we now have a year old Cavapoo! Bought as company for our five year old Westie he watches through the blinds when we go out and is ecstatic when we return but we've experienced nothing like your poor little guy. He is however, beside himself if the Westie is taken out without him, (think vets or groomers) howling, and refusing to budge from the window.

They are quick learners so I think you are on a bit of a hiding to nothing as your training doesn't seem to help when he's anxious. Contacting the rehoming service for this breed mentioned by a pp sounds like a brilliant idea as they must have seen and heard most things and be able to at least offer some suggestions. I would approach another vet as well, just for advice. We get second opinions for ourselves so why not dogs too?

I hope you can sort this and move on, it is so hard when you have to even consider such difficult next steps.

It’s more complex than that - you don’t know how dogs minds work - it isn’t just straight forward anxiety

OP please speak to doodle trust and get advice

I appreciate it's not easy, and sometimes you have to make hard decisions. I just think when you get a pet, same as when you have a child, you go into it eyes wide open and you shouldn't do it if you aren't prepared for it to be hard. You exhaust every single possible avenue before euthanising should even cross your mind. This dog isn't in pain, it's anxious. Meds could seriously help, I'd try that first at least. And if all else fails rehoming is preferable to euthanising - there are plenty who are retired or wfh who could be there and give an anxious dog the company it needs.

I was concerned that Reconcile would change my dog’s temperament and was very careful with kids around her for the first month. She is still her soft self. No change in temperament at all. The main potential side effects are digestive - she hasn’t even experienced that. Our vet never expressed any concerns and agreed a longer prescription after the first month. Also, our dog trainer advised that Adaptil and similar would be a waste of money and haven’t been scientifically tested.

Exactly what I said - rehoming first - doodle trust would be able to tell her which way to go

the OP has done loads - it’s undermining to post and talk like she has t tried everything

sometimes if the dog is living in such a heightened state pts is kinder and safer and recommended by vets etc

We had a purebred poodle 🐩 and he absolutely couldn't be left on his own, suffered from awful separation anxiety. At the end, he had to live with my grandparents who were always home. The separation anxiety comes from the poodle genes I think.

Thank you all so much, you have been so kind, so much kinder than I deserve for even thinking about this decision. The level of understanding is really making me tearful. I have contacted the doodle trust to see if they can support. I do understand the posters saying about the medication, however now it has been mentioned I just cant risk it with my children.

Why would castrating him make him worse?

Thank you x

It makes some dogs more anxious

Actually, my dog had multiple symptoms of her anxiety, including barking/panicking when strangers are in the house or come to the door, separation anxiety, panicking/panic spiking in the crate, being overprotective of DP (growling whenever anyone else showed him physical affection), barking when people walk past the house, barking and pacing at noise, panicking on walks when she encountered any of her fear triggers (including but not limited to people wearing hats, high vis jackets, other dogs behind glass, children on bikes or scooters)… you get the idea. I think the only thing she didn’t do that OP mentioned was growling at strangers in the house – she only growled when people hugged DP.

Some of those things went away after a couple of weeks on medication. The ones that didn’t, she was then calm enough that we were able to implement training. There has been huge improvement in all areas, to the point where I had almost forgotten how bad some of it was.

Apparently because it reduces the testosterone, it could make him more anxious than he already is. I think because so many of his issues are anxiety driven not aggression based.

Yes the plug ins did nothing, we also tried some horse cammomile powders too?

Well done - you will feel such relief talking to people who understand - they are very serious and have seen everything - let us know what they say

it was heartbreaking for my friend and she was crying all the time at work in the week leading up to him going - it’s just unthinkable rehoming your family pet - especially if you’ve had from puppy - but once it was done she knew it was right decision and could see it was the best outcome - he now has a lovely happy home where there is less stimulus and doodle trust support the rehoming with how the new owners need to handle the problems - plus you stay in control of who has your dog as they visit the dog in your home and it’s all you vetting any new owners - they might have something you can do before rehoming but wishing you best of luck 🤞

And well done for making that move

you don’t have to commit to anything - it’s just one step

thank you, honestly this is word for word how ours has been, started off over excited and then the excitement altered to nerves. Its just awful.

Not the point of the thread I know (and on that I would be thinking PTS) but Poodles are NOT known for anxiety, it seems to be the cavapoos and cockerpoos that are.

This issue with rehoming is that you don’t know where the pooch ends up - at best, being returned to a shelter or a foster because the new person has realised they can’t live as a prisoner. At worst, as your boy is whole, used as stud. Pillar to post will just increase his anxiety.

To a PP, it’s precisely because most people love their pets that they’re suggesting PTS. Until you see it yourself, you have no idea how stressed out a dog is at a normal 3.15pm at home. My boy would bark and growl every time a car door slammed or a squirrel farted 3 miles away. His hackles would raise at seemingly nothing. We adapted our living environment, literally killed 15 squirrels, had the living room blinds constantly closed, played the radio all day long, fast forwarded all TV featuring an animal (real or animated), had a sitter for him if we just wanted to go out to the cinema, I’d run to the postbox in the hour the dogwalker had him etc etc. The owner is stressed, the dog is stressed, and round and round we all go. My boy was only happy if I was sat near him. He’d wait for me, 9/10, at the stairs if I changed floors (or follow me room to room), and he’d always be standing - he was too anxious to even lay on heated floor. THAT’s why we PTS. He couldn’t cope with every day life and you bet your ass I still cry for him and feel awful and wish it could have been different for him, but, like the OP, we did everything and it got to the point I was keeping him around for myself. Not for his own happiness. Not for my kids’. Not for my marriage. It’s not a throwaway decision. Most people aren’t psychos that just love killing their pets.