To consider rehoming dog

[Celtic1hair]

Looking for advice as to be honest I cant really think straight. We got a dog 4 years ago, small cavapoo after years of wanting one, did not go into it blindly, Ive had dogs all my life and am well aware of all of the needs and sacrifices needed. Unfortunately he is super anxious. Had seperation anxiety to the point I was genuinely worried he would have a heart attack after being left for 10 minutes. This went on and on, ripping doors, paintwork whilst scratching for attention. We have had 5 dog trainers who cant seem to manage him, hes now become ultra wary of strangers and if anyone comes to the door the barking is relentless. I literally cant have workmen into the house because of him, even when put into the kitchen I have to sit and hold him on a lead the entire time. One dog trainer suggested getting a dog for company and nothing has changed at all, just added workload to the whole issue. I have three children, and the dog is amazing with them, but they cant have friends over because of his behaviour, constant barking and if they come close even growling. My husband cant bear it, so Im bearing the brunt of his frustration too and we have had some awful rows. I adore the little thing but I cant carry on like this for another 10 years.

This is the issue, because nothing has worked, my husband almost has the mindset going into new things that it will fail....and to be fair he does gove it 100% but nothing works.

When you put him in the crate, do you cover it over? I would try this if you haven't.

I have had dogs all my life, frequently multiple but now have one similar to yours. I can't open the door or collect a parcel but wouldn't consider PTS. You said that the dog is great with the kids and happy if no-one knocks or enters. How regularly do you need workmen in your house?

Have you tried sending them both to doggy day care? My friend is an amazing one and has helped so many problem dogs. They are so exhausted and fulfilled when they get home.

I would also try another vet, I also know of dogs on long term anxiety meds, have they even trialled it?

Are the dogs siblings having similar issues? Have you spoken to the breeder?

I would have to try everything before rehoming but do except that sometimes that is best for the dogs. I definitely wouldn't PTS a dog as you describe.

my Friend was like you and it took them at least a year to realise it was the only answer to rehome

same as you husband gave up before her so then she was even more in her own - when the dog left they cried and then opened all the doors in the house just because they could last

it’s no way to live

you have to think of the dog - he sounds like he is frequently in a high stress state

teh thing with getting behaviourist or trainer is that they have energy the dogs senses and respects and that can’t be transposed onto you - it just is so it doesn’t really help because they go and then your back in the same situation

Sounds really tough and you've clearly tried a lot of things. I wonder if your vet is thinking of sedative drugs more if they're worried about the dog being less aware of surroundings?

Fluoxetine should be less likely to act in that way if dosages are started low but I guess there could be other considerations and maybe your vet is wary of something unpredictable happening, especially if there are children at home.

The best thing to do then is to set yourself a timescale to come to a decision. 7 days? End of rhecweek? It will stop the arguments.

You've tried crate training, behaviour therapy, exercise ... personally i think if you've got to medicate an animal to live a half decent life then PTS is preferable.

Listen - we are all going to die at some point. Harsh but true. Animals have the luxury of knowing nothing about death. They live their lives (and you're giving him his best life possible which is more than many would have so far). PTS at the right time is our responsibility as a pet owners. It's a kind and gentle drift off to sleep. It's nothing to feel guilty or scared of.

I’d consider neutering and go back to the vet and ask for fluoxetine. Don’t take no for an answer. If these don’t work rehome. Is there something similar to Feliway but for dogs?

I can’t implore you enough to rehome - it’s not worth it - especially for the dog - please look at doodle trust website and you’ll see what i mean about they understand - they will also tell you if Pts is only answer but I don’t think it is before this one step

I love my dog, absolutely adore him and this is devastating to me. But I couldnt even ask someone over for coffee as it is and the children cant have playdates. Thats not fair on them. I wouldnt trust him not to snap at the doggy day care owner. If we walk him we cant let people try and pet him as I cant trust he wouldnt snap.

https://www.adaptil.co.uk/products/adaptil-calm-starter-kit?variant=44950225191234&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21449773653&gbraid=0AAAAAC-RxH1HcEtC3vdD4vQSVcopKz4gb&gclid=CjwKCAiAwNDMBhBfEiwAd7ti1C97fubaiJv1f0bonXLLpGZVZ9BzSXWsV4qNCANd3WNqD-YhZTaT8BoC0B0QAvD_BwE

Could your DH or someone else be mistreating the dog when you are not around?

I took in a rescue dog that had been mistreated (mainly left on its own in yard for most of its first year). It used to go beserk inside my house, jumping on the sofa and not letting anyone approach. It took a lot of patience and reassurance to get him to behave normally. He still is anxious and will bark if anyone walks by the house or calls to the door. Could you try putting him in the back garden shortly before your DH comes home or in his cage with a toy/treat etc.
This is what I do when I expect anyone coming to the house.
He's fine with people who come regularly into the house although he will bark when they come into the driveway but we put him in his cage with a treat and then pet him to calm him down and then he's usually fine.

I think your vet is so so totally wrong on the meds thing. It’s the equivalent of a human taking an anti depressant; they’re not just for eg fireworks. Reconcile allowed my anxious pooch to actually daytime nap and make some progress in separation anxiety training.

Neutering won’t work - it’ll remove the small balls to take on the world he does already have

But a good doggy care provider would be used to handling these situations. I am not suggesting you don’t love your dog. I would just have to try everything. How do people solve these problems if they are too scared the dog will show the behaviour to the one helping. I don't mean the neighbours kids that are just walking dogs for money, I mean proper dog people who help with all behaviours and use it in the day care.

Covering the crate can also help alleviate a lot of stress, have you tried that?

As mentioned before, please also try a different vet practice.

Please find another vet who will prescribe fluoxetine.

Wow the people saying PTS is wild. You got a dog, assumingly having done your research and knowing they can have issues like this, especially poodle crosses. It's not fair to just end his little life because he's turned out to be a bit of a challenge.

Try a dog behaviourist, try medication, try anything before rehoming.

OP, I echo all the posters who have suggested a different vet.

I’m not a vet but I am very experienced with all manner of dogs. Your dog is scared, anxious and unhappy, desperately so by the sounds of it.

Your vet, respectfully, is talking out of their arse. There is medication which will help your dog immeasurably and no, it won’t make him suddenly turn into a danger to you or your children. I have zero idea why your vet is not suggesting this so if you want to do right by your dog and avoid putting him to sleep then you really do need to seek out a new vet who will actually help you.

I'm not convinced by your vet either, meds and neutering are definitely options that should be on the table.

Absolutely no chance, Ive put him in the garden, hes ended up scratching my patio doors!

As sad as it is for both you and the dog, you already know that you want to rehome him. You want someone here to tell you that’s ok and to do it. So that’s what you need to do. Hope you can work it out, best wishes with it, it’s an awful situation to be in.

I definitely would not put this dog to sleep.
What kind of a lesson would that be for your children?

Cavapoos are naturally anxious because they are bred to be companion dogs and need a lot of attention as a result - it sounds like he needs more 1 on1 time with you and others in the home to feel safe. If he's not getting his daily dose of pets, his anxiety level will go up.

It could also be that the second dog made things worse instead of better.
I'd rehome as a last resort but with someone who is retired or who works from home so he has lots of 1 on 1 time with a human companion - that's what will help the most.

People are suggesting pts who probably have experience - sometimes it can’t be remedied and sadly this sounds like one of those cases if he can’t find a specialist home

I think that’s a over simplification of what’s wrong

they are not bred they are mongrels - that’s half the problem - nobody has bred out the worse traits of the two breeds that come together - they aren’t bred where the breeding process narrow down the traits

You didn’t do enough research as a lot of these poodle mixes are nervous wrecks or a bit crazy, there isn’t many that are perfect.
People buy them to minimise the hair from a full breed, King Charles or Cocker spaniel.
They’re mass produced.
This dog wouldn’t cope being rehomed. I would have the dog put to sleep before giving it away.

We absolutely did our research, and honestly I cant even believe im in this position but the stress levels it is causing us is not sustainable any longer. Its not just a little bit difficult. We cant take him on days out with us because he has to be constantly watched (cant trust him under a table if someone is walking past) and thats not dooable with three kids. I dread people coming to the door, I have to have my mum babysit him if the boiler breaks down, I genuinely couldnt invite my friend in the other day after we had driven 2 hours for a cuppa because of him.

In defence of poodles

I take offence to the lazy, reductionist "oh Dog has inherited anxiety from the poodle side".

ALL dogs are prone to anxiety and separation anxiety. And in the pet breeds it is not at all limited to poodles yet they get the blame for any undesirable traits that crop up in doodles.

people forget what poodles actually are. poodles were bred as highly intelligent, human-focused working dogs. That intense bonding is a trait that makes them responsive and trainable.

if we’re going to play the lazy blame game… the other half is the CAvalier king charles is one of the most famously people-oriented, velcro, separation-prone companion breeds in existence. They were literally bred to sit on laps and follow their humans around.

Anxious behaviour is multi factorial and not limited or specific to one breed. Poodles are great dogs (usually what people wanted, not a doodle, but they just think poodles are born groomed frou frou style ) but their genetic side gets the blame unfairly and lazily for anything undesirable by people who just don't know what they are on about.

My current experience: rescue dog is on Reconcile (Sertraline) while we work with a dog trainer on her severe separation anxiety. We did not see any progress with the desensitisation until she started the anti anxiety meds. We have a 6 month prescription from vet and purchase the medication from Per Meds Direct online. She will be on the meds for as long as the training takes - agreeed with the vet. She has had no side effects. I would consider keeping her on them for life if necessary. Please try this before rehoming or pts.