To consider rehoming dog

[Celtic1hair]

Looking for advice as to be honest I cant really think straight. We got a dog 4 years ago, small cavapoo after years of wanting one, did not go into it blindly, Ive had dogs all my life and am well aware of all of the needs and sacrifices needed. Unfortunately he is super anxious. Had seperation anxiety to the point I was genuinely worried he would have a heart attack after being left for 10 minutes. This went on and on, ripping doors, paintwork whilst scratching for attention. We have had 5 dog trainers who cant seem to manage him, hes now become ultra wary of strangers and if anyone comes to the door the barking is relentless. I literally cant have workmen into the house because of him, even when put into the kitchen I have to sit and hold him on a lead the entire time. One dog trainer suggested getting a dog for company and nothing has changed at all, just added workload to the whole issue. I have three children, and the dog is amazing with them, but they cant have friends over because of his behaviour, constant barking and if they come close even growling. My husband cant bear it, so Im bearing the brunt of his frustration too and we have had some awful rows. I adore the little thing but I cant carry on like this for another 10 years.

Hes fine with the kids, its the fact hes limiting the childrens lives that is the issue. Ive grown up with dogs; spaniels, shih tzu and golden retrievers. Every single one has added untold joy to our lives despite the work needed so I was entirely prepared for it, but not to this extent.

The poor thing. I can't believe people concider PTS :(

I have previously rehomed a dog, when we were not a good fit for him. He did fantastically well, BUT that dog had only one issue. This one has many. I would PTS . I would explain why to my children, focussing on the animal welfare - he is behaving like this because he’s super stressed. And that is no life .

I tend to think also it’s a bad combination - a springy skitzy spaniel type and a highly intelligent poodle breed. -it’s a recipe for disaster in the way it’s being done and as I said they aren’t being Bred - breeding means crossing until you get the consistent required temperament heath and traits required - these poor dogs are just being crossed and it’s causing suffering all round ☹️

the man who “invented” the labradoodle says he regrets it and he feels like he created a Frankenstein

good luck Op - Marcel nailed it. You’ve been anything but lazy on this

Better than bite a child

it’s not a light decision - don’t make OP feel worse

she wouldn’t do it until it’s the last option

I understand, it is draining having such a reactive neurotic dog. Out previous dogs were not like that so it’s not really something I expected. My youngest was about 7 or 8 when we got him and it was difficult having his friends over as younger children are loud and unpredictable for a dog, but we kept them separate i kept the dog with me or he went somewhere else I didn’t take the chance to leave them together.
To be fair to the dog when people come in he does bark but he does stop, it’s random people coming to the door who are the issue not people he knows even though he does bark still.

But yes, my husband is on the same page as me and rehoming is not something that crossed our minds ever. I think life would have been very difficult if he had been like that.

Speak to another vet or your own vet again about some medication

I’ve suggested doodle trust / they specialise in rehoming precisely this kind of dog - I’ve been through it with a friend with one like yours but with resource guarding too to the extreme - he would guard a section of something as innocuous as a wall
so you would never know what he was guarding and he got really viscous with it

they will be honest with her if they can find a home or if PTS

I agree with this. It is seems odd that the vet said fluoxetine wouldn't think it would be worth trying it considering you're thinking about re-homing. Even if it doesn't work for all dogs it does for some.

My friend's dog has similar issues about guarding, she's had the same problems with having workmen to the house. It escalated into the dog biting - it really is the hardest most complicated dog I've ever known. Several failed trainers and behaviourists.

This dog is also fine when alone, the behaviour is only an issue when other people are there. The drugs really helped it to be a happier less anxious dog in general. It was like his anxiety was so high it couldn't see past it for the normal behavioural stuff to work.

She got fluoxetine from the vet, it transformed the dog to the point she could work with a behaviourist. He's still not and never will be an easy dog, but he's now manageable for her. She can have people round to the house etc. They ran out of drugs once and noticed a huge difference in the dog. It is the drugs which help reduce the anxiety so they become trainable.

Could you try a different vet ?

My dog had terrible separation anxiety as a puppy, he would bark and bark and bark. I was completely housebound with him. I got a small cozy crate (first one I had was too big and scary), filled it with cushy things and chucked a sheet over. Then I made it somewhere he wasn't allowed in for a while - put food and toys inside but closed him outside so he was desperate to go in, left it like that for a week. One day I left the door open and totally ignored him in there. After that I'd just leave food inside and walk off. He started just hanging out in there hoping for good things to appear - so then I trained him with the door closed like you would sleep train a baby - 10 seconds and extend from there, never retun when barking, wait for even the slightest break before coming back in. He didn't mind being inside the crate with the door closed, but he didn't like me leaving the room, he was much better inside the crate though so I knew it was heading in the right direction. Once he was up to 20 minutes alone he was basically fine from that point onwards.

But my dog just barked and chewed things, he was terrified of being alone and needed a safe space and he adores all people, there was no growling etc. Your dog sounds more complicated in-general than my dog, but I don't think it gets much worse than my friends dog who had the drugs.

I agree with this. It is seems odd that the vet said fluoxetine wouldn't think it would be worth trying it considering you're thinking about re-homing. Even if it doesn't work for all dogs it does for some.

My friend's dog has similar issues about guarding, she's had the same problems with having workmen to the house. It escalated into the dog biting - it really is the hardest most complicated dog I've ever known. Several failed trainers and behaviourists.

This dog is also fine when alone, the behaviour is only an issue when other people are there. The drugs really helped it to be a happier less anxious dog in general. It was like his anxiety was so high it couldn't see past it for the normal behavioural stuff to work.

She got fluoxetine from the vet, it transformed the dog to the point she could work with a behaviourist. He's still not and never will be an easy dog, but he's now manageable for her. She can have people round to the house etc. They ran out of drugs once and noticed a huge difference in the dog. It is the drugs which help reduce the anxiety so they become trainable.

Could you try a different vet ?

My dog had terrible separation anxiety as a puppy, he would bark and bark and bark. I was completely housebound with him. I got a small cozy crate (first one I had was too big and scary), filled it with cushy things and chucked a sheet over. Then I made it somewhere he wasn't allowed in for a while - put food and toys inside but closed him outside so he was desperate to go in, left it like that for a week. One day I left the door open and totally ignored him in there. After that I'd just leave food inside and walk off. He started just hanging out in there hoping for good things to appear - so then I trained him with the door closed like you would sleep train a baby - 10 seconds and extend from there, never retun when barking, wait for even the slightest break before coming back in. He didn't mind being inside the crate with the door closed, but he didn't like me leaving the room, he was much better inside the crate though so I knew it was heading in the right direction. Once he was up to 20 minutes alone he was basically fine from that point onwards.

But my dog just barked and chewed things, he was terrified of being alone and needed a safe space and he adores all people, there was no growling etc. Your dog sounds more complicated in-general than my dog, but I don't think it gets much worse than my friends dog who had the drugs.

Sorry if this isn't the kind of information you're looking for and have already made the decision to re-home. Just thought I'd share in case any of it was useful. I don't think anyone would blame you for rehoming given the impact it is having on your family. It sounds really tough.

To the poster telling others not to suggest ways to help, this is the point of posting on a forum.

If OP had tried everything then there wouldn't be anything to suggest. It's called trying to help.

A covered crate can help, I am not saying it will, but for some it helps cut out the anxiety triggered by over stimulation caused by visitors. A safe haven. The dog is well behaved when this stimulation isn't there.

Medication can help, again not with all but with some. The current vet doesn't sound very good so seeking an alternative would be very advisable.

Various other suggestions.

All worth trying before even mentioning PTS.
The breed specific rehoming is also a good suggestion, if all else fails.

Dogs can definitely feed off the owners anxiety so maybe rehoming both dogs, possibly together, depending on their bond might be kinder. I agree with PP about contacting the breeder, I would also contact the siblings. You may even be lucky enough to rehome where the kids can still visit or get updates.

I would first speak to a reputable breed rescue first to see if rehoming is a viable option. Don’t accept just because they say yes of course, if it doesn’t feel right then you don’t have to proceed.

if rehoming really isn’t a possibility given his issues then yes I do think you should PTS

Thank you for your reply, Im absolutely willing to try anything. I cant comment for the Vet, but it was two different ones at the same surgery who said that they would be worried because of having kids in the house, but I dont know how appropriate that advice is, I just listened to them. Maybe its because if any of us are alone in the house with him hes absolutley angelic, and very responsive to training. It just completely goes out of the window if so much as a tree gusts in the window and he cant listen. Id do anything not to rehome, but as much as maybe I (stupidly) would put up with the burden of them my husband just cant, and if I was to be completely honest hes entitled to feel this way.

I don't like dogs at all but am surprised at the number of posters recommending killing it. Seems a bit much.

I don’t read that anywhere

what I read is what’s well known - if the dog is dangerous and suffering and there is no hope the vet will recommend to put to sleep for the welfare of the animal to end its suffering

you’ve obviously read a different thread

try to read the post properly and if you haven’t got anything supportive to say then don’t

I am fully in support of not killing the annoying dog

I would talk to a rehoming place and see what they say initially. There are people out there willing to take on anxious rescue dogs so if it's never bitten anyone I'd give it a chance.

Have you tried a vet for meds? Fluoxetine?

It would show the children that THEY are more important and their happiness etc more important than an animal! She’s spent 4 YEARS working on this!! Either put it down or re home it! Neither of you are getting a life while it stays with you

OP with all due respect I think your husband is right

you can’t live like this and nor can your children

I think you can trust your vet - around the meds - they’ve listened to your household and say it would be a concern and why - people on her do not trump your vet

and kindly again - your husband is making a decision that’s realistic for your family - your children come first

Then you need a better behaviourist! No decent behaviourist would say that without giving some methods to help deal with the situation.

I could have been you 10 years ago including the constant rows with my husband who felt I was defending the dog rather than trying to diffuse the situation. Ours could also be reactive/aggressive when stressed which was a real worry. We tried absolutely everything over 5 years including a top behavioural psychologist who was very honest with us. The rescue centre we had got her from eventually agreed to take her back and she was placed with a foster family in deepest Wales. It seemed like a good option but they kept trying to rehome her which always failed. It was very distressing and I honestly think it would have been kinder to have her PTS.
I was so distraught at taking her back but I did not realise how stressed and constantly on edge I was until she was gone.
I know it feels horrendous and cruel to ‘get rid’ of your dog but you really have done everything and it sounds like she is just not functioning and is miserable.

They’ve been through about 5 - they don’t always have the answers that are workable

They’ve been through about 5 - they don’t always have the answers that are workable - some behaviouristbthenwselves will recommend PTS

I love my dog and will try anything, but honestly I have tried behaviourists and I am not financially able to continue to spend money for it not to work again, after months more stress for it to fail which has been the case over 4 years. I have changed them in the desperate hope the next one could have the magic answer but I have to draw the line somewhere. It was one of these behaviourists who recommended a second dog...and whilst I adore him and in some ways he has less seperation anxiety (doesnt act as if he is having a heart attack if i nip to the car for 2 seconds), on reflection the added stress of puppy training and dealing with that on top of an anxious dog has probably magnified the whole situation 100 fold, to the point my husband would rehome both at this stage.

This is genuinely me and him at the moment, its gotten so bad now we cant even have a conversation about them without exploding....hence my post tonight! I cant carry on like this for another 10 years. The thing is he feels totally justified in his opinion and I feel unsupported. I suppose both things are true.