To consider rehoming dog

[Celtic1hair]

Looking for advice as to be honest I cant really think straight. We got a dog 4 years ago, small cavapoo after years of wanting one, did not go into it blindly, Ive had dogs all my life and am well aware of all of the needs and sacrifices needed. Unfortunately he is super anxious. Had seperation anxiety to the point I was genuinely worried he would have a heart attack after being left for 10 minutes. This went on and on, ripping doors, paintwork whilst scratching for attention. We have had 5 dog trainers who cant seem to manage him, hes now become ultra wary of strangers and if anyone comes to the door the barking is relentless. I literally cant have workmen into the house because of him, even when put into the kitchen I have to sit and hold him on a lead the entire time. One dog trainer suggested getting a dog for company and nothing has changed at all, just added workload to the whole issue. I have three children, and the dog is amazing with them, but they cant have friends over because of his behaviour, constant barking and if they come close even growling. My husband cant bear it, so Im bearing the brunt of his frustration too and we have had some awful rows. I adore the little thing but I cant carry on like this for another 10 years.

@Celtic1hair I just came to offer support 💐 I don’t have any practical advice to offer, but you’re doing your best in a horrendous situation - far more than some ‘dog owners’ would do. You are a good dog owner, you’re putting your all in to finding the best outcome for your dog, & your family, & you’re not afraid to look at PTS if that is, sadly, the most appropriate option. If you cut me in half I’d have paw prints running through me, & I’ve worked in kennels & helped with rescue, so I know this isn’t an easy time or decision. There are sadly some dogs that can’t be helped, & there is no shame in considering all options. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Spaniel Rescue lady & committee are able to help 💐 (And apologies if you’ve updated since I typed & posted this 💐).

Keyboard warriors eh? With opinions untarnished by reality, living in a perfect world, where every problem is fixed by an ABC approach and it would appear, where all the dogs have read the script and happily comply with the easy fixes on offer
Real life doesn’t work like that. The rescue knows it, any decent professional also knows it. You know it too OP, but sadness and guilt will make you doubt it occasionally for now.
But you aren’t wrong with what you are doing.

Your dogs best chance of happiness is with the rescue and a clean slate. Your other dog deserves a normal life. So do your children. And so do you and your husband OP, even though it will hurt like hell in the short term

OP how you getting on with dog?

Hi, just wanted to give everyone who supported me an update, although a very sad one.
Despite the very best efforts of Spaniel aid to identify a foster home which may be able to support the dog, his behaviour rapidly worsened. He managed to escape the back garden (i hadn't lifted the latch on the back door so it blew open with the wind, and a delivery driver hadn't put the lock on the side gate, just one of those stupid coincidences), and he bacame really aggressive towards our elderly neighbour whom he usually liked. Luckily I was already on my way having heard the back door fling open and she was unhurt but it was a stark reminder of just how much of a risk he was. He also tried to bite the vet despite a muzzle and sedation when going for his vaccinations, and when the boiler broke my husband had to take the day off work unpaid to sit in the car with him because he couldn't cope with anyone in the house.
To be honest I don't think his behaviour was any different than it had been for the last 3nyears but now I wasn't making excuses or playing it down, and looking at it through the lens of "can this continue indefinitely?".
After a long discussion with the vets we agreed PTS would be the kindest option. Spaniel aid said with the continuing risk of his behaviour, the chances of rehoming were so slim it wasn't realistic and I just know in my heart the risk of him biting was too high for me to have on my concious. He was put to sleep at the weekend, I am absolutely devastated, as naughty as he was I absolutely adored him but it was the right decision. It was very telling that my own mother, the biggest dog lover to the point of insanity immediately said she agreed with the decision. She also said that he's lucky it's us who had him, because despite the issues he had caused he never had a finger laid on him, which would not have been the case in many households when we really reflect on the impact he caused, and still lived his life absolutely loved beyond words which is giving me some comfort.
He was just wired wrong and the sacrifices we were making to keep him safe from himself were too much. As devastated as I am the house does feel like a weight of chaos has been lifted as guilty as I feel admitting to that, the younger dog has been walked at least 6 times a day, is already calm waiting for his lead to be put on, not even aware anyone is coming to the door, we are able to train him to settle, wait etc without the distractions of the older dogs behaviour so he's getting the chance he deserves too. Even little things like he's coming on every school run because he sits nicely restrained in the boot, the eldest dog but through the restraints on the way to the vets.... I hadn't realised and as I'd gone to open the driver's door luckily my husband had already got out and was opening my car door and saw him so shut it... Had he bolted across the busy car park either he would have been hit or could have bitten.

I just want to say a huge huge thank you to each and every person on this post. When I put the message on, I genuinely thought my marriage was over. In my head I had made a commitment to the dog when we chose to get him, and this had caused me to bury my head in the sand to try and minimise and smooth over the impact it was having on our lives. My husband and I bicker constantly but have never actually had an issue where we weren't on the same team, and this had caused us to become resentful and unkind to each other, it was a constant source of friction which was beginning to become a real risk to us. You gave me a (for the most part!) a non judgemental, understanding, kind place to open up and gave me the perspective I needed to make a decision, which had to come from me. I will forever be grateful to you, whilst this may all seem trivial, in my life it wasn't at all and I am so thankful.

Sending love OP. You’ve absolutely made the right decision but I can hear how hurt you are. What a lovely woman you sound. ❤️

So sorry op, must've been very tough .

Bless you, OP. You did everything you possibly could. xxx

Thank you, honestly it's been a huge lesson to me to open up and ask for help! Yup hurts like hell but I'm holding on to the fact he's at peace now and was loved his whole life ❤️

Thank you, yes it was but once I started thinking how unable I was to keep him safe the decision was clear as terrible as it was x

@TheBeaTgoeson1 the dog has been pts.
OP, never an easy decision, thinking of you all.

Poor thing 😢

Thank you for updating OP, I’ve been wondering how things panned out for you all.
You did absolutely the right thing for everyone concerned, including your little dog. Maybe not medically (although you’d be surprised how often an undiagnosed physical cause underlies this type of behaviour) but he was suffering emotional distress at the very least. Him continuing to be miserable was not a better outcome even though it is so very sad.

Thank you. To paraphrase my elderly neighbour, his mind must have been the equivalent of a PTSD victim and that was as painful to him as a physical illness. There is no rhyme nor reason to why, he certainly was loved enough and seeing the contrast in our other dogs behaviour is certainly making me see that.
Obviously it's been all consuming for me, and I've been doing a lot of reflection, but actually it's really eye opening to see the level of stigma around behavioral euthanasia. People may have been more sympathetic had he actually bitten someone, but a healthy balanced dog should not need the level of management and compromise he needed to keep them safe like that. It's also a complete lack of understanding too, a dog with these mental state issues can't have them "trained" out of them and it's wrong, unkind and quite frankly unsafe to suggest it.
@Dunnocantthinkofone thank you for all of your kind words when I was really in the thick of it, it genuinely meant so much x

@Celtic1hair I am so sorry to read your sad update, & want to offer very un-Mumsnetty 🫂 to you & your family. PTS is always the hardest decision, even when they’re old or unwell. @Celtic1hair spaniel is now running happy at Rainbow Bridge, free of any ailments 🌈 playing with their new dog friends to their heart’s content. You’re a super dog Mom ❤️

Just want to say my old border terrier will meet and greet him, she’ll show him around and play with him. He will have many new mates and he’s free of all his torment. Thinking about you OP and sending so much love to comfort you.

Likewise, my pooches will be ready with treats and toys to make your boy feel welcome. I hear there’s no bath time up there either 😉

Thank you! Hugs are definitely appreciated and needed! Xx

Thank you! He definitely will need a few friends!

Thanks ever so much @MauriceTheMussel ....im hearing rumours they also don't trim behind the ears so he definitely will be in his element!