To choose football over son

[Newuser75]

I’m just wanting to get some opinions.
My husband the other day told me that if his football team get into the fa cup final he wil choose to go there instead of watch our son perform in his one off drama show that he has been practising for months for.

For context, this is not the first time (by far) that football has been prioritised over family life and our son is autistic and has only recently had the confidence to go to any kind of club let alone perform on a stage and he has a leading role. In fact, until a couple of months ago he wouldn’t even sing in front of my husband (only me).

I think he should prioritise his son but he says as it would be a special match he would see nothing wrong in going.

I’m aware at this moment it is hypothetical but I still disagree.

Hmm I’m torn. If my team got to the fa cup final for the first time (well in my case it’d be 65 years this year) I’d be so conflicted.

I think you’re going to get different answers depending on whether people “get” football or not. It is notoriously demonised on mn. It is really hated.

Is your son bothered about his dad being there? What a dilemma.

Hopefully it’ll be a moot point because they’ll be knocked out (I know my team will be next round!) as I think all the smaller teams have tough draws.

I do realise that this is part of a disappointing ongoing trend though. One which I wouldn’t really have put up with.

Hope you can find a solution op.

I'm a football fan. A cup final is often a once in a lifetime event if it's a promotion , it's a hard one , as a parent obviously you want to support him , but he will have his mum there, and he's likely to be in other productions. if his dad was working you wouldn't think anything of it. I can't think of a single event my dad ever came to of mine thinking about it. It was always just my mum. my dad and I were close forever.

Out of all the teams left, the two lowest are Mansfield Town and Port Vale. If he supports one of these two, he is not being unreasonable, although possibly slightly fanciful. Also in the cup still are Man City, Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool. If he supports one of these teams he is being unreasonable. And a sliding scale between the others.

The he can do both even if it's the last half of the show

This. It’s not as if he can’t watch the football. He just can’t be there.

I remember a work colleague laughing about the fact that he left his wife an hour after she gave birth to go to an away match (not a final). He said it was fine as she knew what it meant to him. Utterly unforgivable (they did and up divorced many years later)

Oh that is a tough one.

When I was at school a concert I was in was postponed because it coincided with the FA Cup replay and they were concerned no parents or students would turn up, but the FA Cup was a much bigger deal then.

If it's one of the lower league clubs and you live in that area, I reckon the production will need to be postponed. I really feel for DH, as it's a proper once in a lifetime opportunity.

That said, there's a long way to go, and in his shoes, I'd have kept quiet until the finalistswere known.

No he can't. The final will be at Wembley, hours from Port Vale or Mansfield and will end c. 5pm (if there's no extra time). Then. You have to get out of the ground in the crowds.

If my dh’s team got through to the FA Cup final AND he got tickets (very difficult) then I’d tell him to go.

But if there was any way that he could watch the match at home (or en route in a pub etc if you say the shows a distance away) then do the show later that evening then that would be my preference.

Ime though kids don’t always think of these things the way adults do. As long as he has one parent (he would probably prefer you anyway based on what you’ve said) then he will be fine.

I’d go to the match… selfish, maybe.

We’ve always been as long as one of us is there it’s fine
but also it how it’s out to the kids as well soon as they pick up the vibe you think DH is wrong they will buy into that

My DF is like this. He prioritised work over going to my HS graduation. Now I just don't bother with him except to say hello. DM was almost as bad and we came behind tv/gym/shopping.

She's currently whining we won't take them on holiday with us & why we don't invite them places and why DB rarely visits.

You reap what you sow. I just don't see looking after them as important - neither does DB!!

Firstly it’s a bit silly to worry about this when it probably won’t even happen.
Secondly, would your son actually care? What if a grandparent or Aunt or uncle went instead.
My husband would have probably chosen the football in this situation but was otherwise fully engaged as a Dad. It wouldn’t have bothered me and, far more importantly, it wouldn’t have bothered my kids.

I have never commented on any post on mn before. I asked my husband (a football supporter) this question. For context we don't have kids. He said immediately he would watch his sons performance. Didn't even think about it.

Maybe he wishes you had more in your life than just your child? You can be a perfectly good parent and have a passion for something alongside it. It's not wrong for him to have a passion for something and it's not wrong for you not to have a passion for something, it's just different. He would be just as unreasonable to criticise you for not having something else as you are to criticise him.

It's very easy to give the expected answer to a hypothetical question that will never happen 🤣

I think which team it is is really important and if he feasibly has a chance of getting a season ticket. Like a PP says, if his team is Man City then it’s not as big a deal as if it’s Port Vale. I’m a season ticket holder for a PL club so I get how important it is, but we are an entire family who plan around football fixtures both playing and watching and I know that not everyone gets it.

Also how does your DS feel? My DS isn’t bothered if I go to watch his away matches but some of his team mates care deeply about it.

I agree. Even though I suspect this will be an unpopular response.

I can't believe the number of people saying that he should go to the football. What mother would EVER prioritise her hobby over her child in that way?

Wow! I think you are making up your own scenario here. Where has the OP said she doesn’t have anything in her life except her son? What a really wankerish comment.

Yes, I think actually that's probably healthier from a parent, although it is a shame two such big things (might) coincide.

I find life is much easier to deal with if you don't worry about thing that might happen.

I am not a football fan but my husband is if his team made it i would have no issue him going, he has an interest not an obsession same as he would he have no issue me doing what I want

More importantly our child understands adults have the odd thing they choose to go as we

Except the drama show is a big deal. Did you read the OP? Also, it's not as of the father was playing in the cup final, is it? He's just watching it. I am so glad I am not married to a football fan, if I'm honest I despise it as a hobby.

It would be football in our house. Whole family (including parents and grandparents) follow opposing teams and it is rare in football season that we are all available on a weekend day. The difference is though I suppose that our children all go too to the teams they support so in our case son would swerve his drama thing for the match.

Kick off time is 4.30pm.

If it's a once in a lifetime then the cup final There will be other drama performances. Yabu.