To ask that my nephews don’t come

[Littlebitofthis1]

My niece is going through the usual hardships that many teenagers go through at high school. So for her birthday I decided to organise a girls only afternoon tea, and I invited my mum, sister, and niece to come along with my own two daughters and my son (because I’m on mat leave with him).

However, it’s caused a major argument with my sister (whose daughter I planned the event to celebrate). She is annoyed that I didn’t include my two nephews in the invite. I said for my niece, I thought it would be nice to make it girls only and not have her brothers there now she’s older. Now my sister is saying that she’s not going to come and therefore won’t bring my niece either, unless I include my nephews. She also used as an argument that my 6 month old will be there and he’s a boy. Not sure this is of relevance but I’m paying for the event.

should I include my nephews or stand my groundy daughters are still young but I always intentionally do some special things for just them and me and plan to continue that so I didn’t think I would offend anyone by planning this.

What does the birthday girl want?

Girls event. It if your sister is going to be an arse cancel and at some point invite her for a sleepover and have a girly night.

How old are the niece and nephews? Does she have childcare for the nephews?

Your sister is being weird . What is the issue with allowing your niece time away from her brothers and a day all about her. A lovely idea by you.

I think you have overstepped by organising this without consulting her mum.

What age are your nephews and would they enjoy going for afternoon tea.

How old are the boys? Do they even want to come to an afternoon tea or is this your sister protecting?

your sister is being a witch

I think you should have made it just you and your niece. By including almost everyone it does feel a bit like you’re excluding the nephews… just because they have penises.

@ToKittyornottoKitty last I spoke to my niece she liked that it was girls only!

@2026Y they younger than my niece but both teenagers at high school. It’s during school holidays but their dad works from home.

I can’t even tell if my nephews would want to come! But my sister has always had an odd attitude to events and will never do anything unless all her kids are with her

I don’t get why people are asking the boys ages?

The girl is a teen she’s likely to not want her 13 year old brothers or 7 year old brothers at her birthday girly treat. I’d also assume she knows her niece well enough.

I think that was a lovely suggestion. It might be that your sister doesn't have childcare for her son's? But it seems mean to deprived her daughter of a birthday treat.

I guess it depends if you would do a similar thing for the boys without your niece for their birthdays.

Edited because I am a complete prat who needs to learn to read.

How old are the kids? Does your DSis have childcare? Does your niece want them there? TBH it’s an afternoon tea - not a spa day or getting your nails done or anything traditionally’girlie’ so it does look like you’re excluding them because you don’t like them.

Your sister is being a tit. If she really wants to ruin her DD’s birthday treat I suggest you just rearrange taking your niece out another day and do something fun with her.

Just cos you're paying doesn't mean you get to dictate dynamics.I would have consulted her mother first.

How old are her brothers?Will they need childcare at this girls only event,or are we talking teenagers that probs wouldn't be seen dead at afternoon tea anyway?

I think this sounds lovely but it would have been better to consult your sister before going ahead. Sibling dynamics can be tricky, I can see both sides. Maybe it’s worth saying that you wish you’d asked her thoughts first and how you can find a resolution now, as it doesn’t seem worth falling out over.

I guess some like to keep everything equal and treat their dc the same. By doing this your niece is having a treat and they’re being left out. To your sister she might think you’re playing favourites.

To be honest, I don't agree with your sister on lots of levels, but if she isn't going to bring her daughter if she can't bring her sons, then you either do it and allow the boys to come, or don't do it. Which would you and your niece rather?

But it’s not the boys birthday 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

As long as ops willing to do a Boys treat for the birthday boy without his sister later on. Zero difference apart from op then doesn’t have a penis.

Say they are welcome, ask what colour they want their nails painted, offer to make them judges for the fashion show in the dress shop/makeup counter afterwards and ask if they drink strawberry tea. If you can think of anything else traditionally 'girly' drop that in too.

Make it sound like hell on earth and the boys will do the arguing for you.

Perfectly normal to have a girls day sometimes. And perfectly normal to have a guys day too! You've done nothing wrong.

Can't the boy's father take them somewhere for the day and have some father-son bonding time?

I asked because it felt relevant with their Mum attending. Were they young enough to mean that childcare needed sorting if Mum left them behind, were they an age where they can sit reliably for an hour or more or would they be a distraction, or were they teenagers who would rather be somewhere else than eating crustless sandwiches and dainty cake.

Erm. Yes, of course the person paying gets to dictate who they’re willing to pay for.

How are you even querying this?

Anyone demanding that the person footing the bill has to cover additional guests is a total cheeky fucker IMO!