To ask that my nephews don’t come

[Littlebitofthis1]

My niece is going through the usual hardships that many teenagers go through at high school. So for her birthday I decided to organise a girls only afternoon tea, and I invited my mum, sister, and niece to come along with my own two daughters and my son (because I’m on mat leave with him).

However, it’s caused a major argument with my sister (whose daughter I planned the event to celebrate). She is annoyed that I didn’t include my two nephews in the invite. I said for my niece, I thought it would be nice to make it girls only and not have her brothers there now she’s older. Now my sister is saying that she’s not going to come and therefore won’t bring my niece either, unless I include my nephews. She also used as an argument that my 6 month old will be there and he’s a boy. Not sure this is of relevance but I’m paying for the event.

should I include my nephews or stand my groundy daughters are still young but I always intentionally do some special things for just them and me and plan to continue that so I didn’t think I would offend anyone by planning this.

This really reinforces that your niece's status in the family is low, probably helping to cause her problems at school. Ask her what she would prefer- she can then make the decision- you don't want to make things even worse for her.
This often happens in families where the mother favours sons- you would think it is old fashioned, but it still happens.
My own mother would ask my brother what to buy me for my birthday- he would say something he wanted and just take it off me the day after my birthday- mother said nothing, if I complained she said you have to share you are making a fuss-I wouldn't ever see the item again until it was worn out, broken or otherwise useless.

So the OP's sister, in centring the teenage boys, who don't want to go, the birthday girl, for whom the treat was for, has ended up being upset. 'Twas ever thus 🙄

It will also have done wonders for the mother-daughter relationship.

OP, you tried to do a nice thing, some people just can't see beyond 'But the boys'! I really hope you get to arrange something nice for just you and your Niece to do alone :-)

As a female I hike with a group of other people. Hiking is not a men only sport its something enjoyed by both sexes. My son hates football but many of his female friends love it and are very accomplished players.

I know plenty of girls who play video games. As a woman I hate painting and drawing but yet my husband loves it. Often I will be hill climbing whilst he sits at home drawing. I will be fixing the car whilst he irons. We live in 2025 pre conceived ideas about what each sex likes are very out of date.

This is what I have often seen when you look behind the scenes the boys have often been pushed out in favour of the girls in the family.

Teenage boys tho
Not little boys

If the nephews were nieces would they have been invited?

Uninvite your sister

Your idea is a really lovely one. Your sister is 100% bang out of order.

I can’t even tell if my nephews would want to come! But my sister has always had an odd attitude to events and will never do anything unless all her kids are with her
This suggests that it may be a bugbear for your sister. Maybe someone excluded her from an event when she was younger and she really hates it. Maybe she has a very strong sense of things being fair for all her children. I think you have to work with the sister you've got and plan things in a way that make it good for everyone. You can still make your niece feel special by making it about her, without excluding anyone.

Is your sister one of these dopey women who has to take her kids everywhere with her to prove she's been shagged? To prove she has a man??? It's a commoner mindset than you might think, but they rarely admit to it.

My mum and Sister are much closer than I am with either of them. My sister will always organise Mother’s Day things without consulting me and then invite me to ‘come along’. This used to make me feel jealous and frustrated. Maybe your sister is feeling jealous and frustrated too and she is acting out because of this insecurity. I’m not saying that her behaviour is okay, just wanting to give you a view point of where she may be at. I can see from your posts that you have done all of this with good intentions. So I totally see your point of view and I don’t think you are being unreasonable. But there are always things going on with other people that we can’t be aware of. Maybe just reach out to her and say you wished you had spoken to her first, that you had good intentions, and ask her to speak to her children and see what they would all prefer. Then, if they all want different things, it’s up to her to make the decision, and not having all these different wants and needs put on you and putting you in a difficult position.