Would I be unreasonable to ask a child to be a bit quieter on their iPad in a restaurant?

[WouldYouLikeSomeRibena]

I know this is a touchy subject and it’s a public place but I’m just wondering if it’s reasonable to be this angry?

I have taken my friend out for lunch to a restaurant in the lakes for her birthday.
It’s a nice place usually very busy, the food is good and lovely views and usually full of adults dining as it’s quite pricey and no kids menus or high chairs.

Today there was a table in front of us with two women and 6 kids having drinks looking at menus.
The kids keep getting up and running round, talking loudly and one boy was roaming between tables constantly coughing without covering his mouth. In the end a lady on the next table told him to cover his mouth as he was hovering near here and then told the other kids it wasn’t safe to run round.
One of the women was doing a weak “sshhh” that was getting ignored, the other seemed more embarrassed and in the end she suggested they leave and they did.

There are two other tables with kids on iPads but one has headphones and is sat a lot further away so I can’t really hear it and I don’t think there is an issue at all when using headphones.

At the other table a couple are sat near to me with a girl of about 7/8, they are looking at their phones and the girl is on FaceTime on her iPad to another girl with no headphones. It sounds like the other girl is playing a game on a console and both are getting excited and shouting at each other with the girl in the restaurant getting louder and shouting instructions and shrieking occasionally whilst bouncing up and down in her chair.

Other people keep looking over but the parents are oblivious.
Since I started writing this post their food has come and the couple are eating and talking to each other, the girl has propped the iPad against the salt and pepper and is continuing her FaceTime call talking with her mouth full.
The tables are pretty close together and I’m really pissed off about it and want to say something. My friend is also annoyed but worried about confrontation and suggested speaking to staff and asking them to talk to the couple about disturbing everyone.

I was just wondering what others would do? I’ll be really pissed off shelling out almost £100 for a meal that’s supposed to be a celebration and we can hardly hear to have a conversation and I’m disappointed because I wanted it to be nice for my friend.

On the other hand I don’t want to cause an argument and it’s possible people will stick up for the family as we are a pretty child centred society.
I thought I’d ask other opinions so I can assess the risk of that happening.
Would I be unreasonable to go over and ask the couple if they can ask the girl to be quieter or do you think I have no right as it’s a public place and you can’t police people like that?

I just don’t understand the mindset like the people on the other people with kids who let them disturb everyone and just don’t give a shit. I expect it to a degree in places like pizza express or Toby carvery but it feels selfish to bring them to a more adult environment if they are happy to just let them disturb everyone.

I feel awkward approaching the staff as they haven’t already said anything, it might be the best approach though as they are really the only people with any authority to comment.

That’s a lot of assumptions to make, “you clearly must have controlled them through smacking and physical abuse”. What an appalling thing to say.

Lots of people have parented toddlers without iPads - it’s actually much easier in the long run if you do. iPads/phones are a short term win but create a whole host of problems if they’re relied on to keep children quiet.

Take your children out for dinner and interact with them. Dinner is a social event and a learning experience, when we plug them into screens they miss all of this. Children will never learn how to behave in public settings if they are never allowed to be bored or without entertainment for a short period of time.

Agreed at home mealtimes are screen free for everyone even adults.
We have from toddler up to teen so dinner time is probably only time we are all together in a room.
Its happened once that we have gone to a cafe but they weren’t behaving well enough before we ordered so we left the cafe after a warning. They learnt the next time.

I hope you asked staff to tell these people to control their kids if you didn’t feel like telling them yourself (which is perfectly understandable)

Some people are so selfish and tone deaf when it comes to respecting others.

This is all lovely for children who don't have NDs and know how to calm themselves without screens. DS 14 had problems up until he was about 10, Lego, books, card games, if it didn't have a screen he'd be standing up and running around.

Sorry, no. You TEACH them to sit quietly in a restaurant, it's part of teaching them manners. Of course a 3 year old won't know how to do that if they've never been taught, so you teach them. Start young with using high chairs etc, make it clear that if they don't behave, they'll be taken home, and follow it through if that happens.

You can eye-roll at me all you like, it's lazy and entitled parenting.

This must be a joke 🤣

For all the lazy parents who think ‘kids will be kids’, do they expect their kid to wake up one day maybe around 12 and suddenly know how to behave in public? How the fuck are they ever going to be able to do that when they have never been taught?! It’s easier to teach them young, rather than them having to unlearn years of thinking they don’t need to behave appropriately.

Wow. That’s quite a stretch. You realise you can teach your kids to behave without resorting to violence, yes? It’s not a choice of let them behave atrociously or batter them. Ffs.

It amazes me that some people believe that other restaurant goers have to tolerate the noise of their screaming and tantruming DCs, or tinny ipads at full blast. When DS was a baby if he was crying loudly we would take him out - ok actually I would take him out - until he calmed down. I can’t recall him having tantrums in restaurants when he got older and we would generally bring cards, colouring pens etc and yes when a bit older if it was after an evening meal a silent ipad, but we would simply have taken him out.

Good lord! what an overreaction.

It's perfectly possible to help your child pick up their glass or hold a fork, to talk to your child, engage with them. I usually find that stops them running around, screaming or plating up.

And you know, sometimes, it's too much for a child. Take them out, let them calm down. A restaurant is a busy place, they get over-stimulated.

And then think twice about whether a restaurant set up for adults - as @WouldYouLikeSomeRibena describes - is really the best place to take a 3 year old ...

Apparently any parent over the age of 35 that teaches their kids how to behave in public, is from The Victorian Age 🤣

There are other ways to keep kids quiet that dont involve ipads Not sure your relationship status has anything to do with it

Not my DS until he was about 10. The joys of having a child with ADHD.

I am not intrinsically anti i-pad. Headphones or silent games exist.

Firstly, I'd complain to the staff, not the people at the tables.
Secondly, it's half term, so if that's not usually on your radar it's good to keep in mind for next time.

I deserve a tiny bit of a life outside my children

Not if their behaviour intrudes on others in an unpleasant way.

This. Your attitude is abhorrent @Fearlesssloth and as demonstrated here much in the minority taken against a random selection of of mums.

for what it’s worth (because you came at with me with a viscous and ageist attack) I’m late 30s with a well behaved toddler (because I taught her to be so) surrounded by nieces/nephews/friends’ children ( including two pre-schoolers with diagnosed ASD) and fully understanding of the challenges and limitay of modern parents, (I am one!) however you sound like a very poor example of one. On all counts, including your conduct on this thread.

I'd be tempted to go elsewhere because I know I'd end up having a row but I'd also tell the family with the foul children why I was leaving and cordially wish them all in Hell.

What happened in the end, @WouldYouLikeSomeRibena?

Re games, surely most of them don't require the background music to be constantly playing anyway!

Another way to prevent issues if you know your DC can’t sit for long periods in a restaurant in silence is to go to fast food places or quasi ones where you know the food will be delivered quickly like Nandos or Pizza Hut. That gets them used to what good behaviour looks like when eating out - bums on seat and inside voices - but reduces the timeframe and risk of a tantrum.
If you want a good old chin wag with your pal, why not invite them round in the evening once the DCs are asleep ?

That is what we did, when the dses were small, @rookiemere. We started out in family friendly places, and by the time they were in their teens, the boys could come to posh restaurants and be very pleasant dinner companions.

So if they have NDs they have to go to fast food places until they've learnt how to stop the "purposeless movements" and learnt volume control? Or let them have an iPad until the food arrives, and then leave when everyone's finished, which is what I did?

Teaching your child to use a tablet for regulation is not going to help them in the long term. I think this is a big part of the problem. They actually just aren't necessary. It may be harder to use other methods, but it will be better for the child.

With headphones - no probs for the rest of us