Would I be unreasonable to ask a child to be a bit quieter on their iPad in a restaurant?

[WouldYouLikeSomeRibena]

I know this is a touchy subject and it’s a public place but I’m just wondering if it’s reasonable to be this angry?

I have taken my friend out for lunch to a restaurant in the lakes for her birthday.
It’s a nice place usually very busy, the food is good and lovely views and usually full of adults dining as it’s quite pricey and no kids menus or high chairs.

Today there was a table in front of us with two women and 6 kids having drinks looking at menus.
The kids keep getting up and running round, talking loudly and one boy was roaming between tables constantly coughing without covering his mouth. In the end a lady on the next table told him to cover his mouth as he was hovering near here and then told the other kids it wasn’t safe to run round.
One of the women was doing a weak “sshhh” that was getting ignored, the other seemed more embarrassed and in the end she suggested they leave and they did.

There are two other tables with kids on iPads but one has headphones and is sat a lot further away so I can’t really hear it and I don’t think there is an issue at all when using headphones.

At the other table a couple are sat near to me with a girl of about 7/8, they are looking at their phones and the girl is on FaceTime on her iPad to another girl with no headphones. It sounds like the other girl is playing a game on a console and both are getting excited and shouting at each other with the girl in the restaurant getting louder and shouting instructions and shrieking occasionally whilst bouncing up and down in her chair.

Other people keep looking over but the parents are oblivious.
Since I started writing this post their food has come and the couple are eating and talking to each other, the girl has propped the iPad against the salt and pepper and is continuing her FaceTime call talking with her mouth full.
The tables are pretty close together and I’m really pissed off about it and want to say something. My friend is also annoyed but worried about confrontation and suggested speaking to staff and asking them to talk to the couple about disturbing everyone.

I was just wondering what others would do? I’ll be really pissed off shelling out almost £100 for a meal that’s supposed to be a celebration and we can hardly hear to have a conversation and I’m disappointed because I wanted it to be nice for my friend.

On the other hand I don’t want to cause an argument and it’s possible people will stick up for the family as we are a pretty child centred society.
I thought I’d ask other opinions so I can assess the risk of that happening.
Would I be unreasonable to go over and ask the couple if they can ask the girl to be quieter or do you think I have no right as it’s a public place and you can’t police people like that?

I just don’t understand the mindset like the people on the other people with kids who let them disturb everyone and just don’t give a shit. I expect it to a degree in places like pizza express or Toby carvery but it feels selfish to bring them to a more adult environment if they are happy to just let them disturb everyone.

I feel awkward approaching the staff as they haven’t already said anything, it might be the best approach though as they are really the only people with any authority to comment.

Sorry, this is bullshit. Many thousands of us have had young children, you control them. That's your actual job.

To all those going "oh my god, let kids be kids" - i went to a nice cafe a couple of days ago with my kids. They had a book each, a learn to draw Minecraft thingy and a pack of cards. They weren't particularly quiet but they weren't disruptive - they read a bit, talked a bit, ate a bit, and played a bit. I received several compliments and no-one resented their existence. Listening to tinny peppa pig is just really really annoying and not acceptable where people are trying to relax.

Love a half term rage bait post

Sticking your child in front of an iPad isn't child centred, it's adult centred, specifically for the adult who is responsible for them. It's completely selfish and antisocial. They should have headphones in.

I can’t stand it, I’ve just commented on the post about Wetherspoons that the noise from grown ass adults on phones all on loudspeakers shouting over each other is absolutely infuriating. It’s defo a bug bear of mine. I would have asked to move tables if it was possible in your situation. I wouldn’t let my kids watch stuff on speaker anywhere in public

The reason I find it so distressing for children with parents like these mothers is that the expectations of the parents are so low. Without expectations, how can children know what to do in restaurants? We took DD everywhere from her being a baby, as my parents had taken my brother and me.

Trust me. You’d much prefer the quiet, predictable sound of Paw Patrol than you would a 3 and 4 year old screaming and knocking things over.

I don't think that's true. It's the repetitive, tinny sound of devices that is annoying, especially when you have squeaky voiced cartoons or games with incessant beeps and flourishes. Humans, even noisy ones, don't have that irritating quality that makes you want to grab the source of the noise and pound it to smithereens with a mallet! Screaming children are far from ideal but better than devices.

I’d say something and always do - no heads phones is the height of rudeness. People are too scared to call these things out which is why it’s being normalised.

even if they don’t turn it down, I take pleasure in running their day as they often act all indignant but you can tell they are often mortified to be called out and don’t know what to do

be bold or it’s just going to get worse

@WouldYouLikeSomeRibenaso, OP. Are you going to come back and tell us what you ended up doing in the end?

This.

Re: paw patrol vs 3 year old screaming and causing havoc

Might be a bold idea... But don't take children like this out for food?????

Just a thought???

I would have said something. It’s totally unacceptable. We eat out occasionally and our children have never been allowed devices at the table. When they were very small, we tried to choose places with an outdoor play area and would take turns watching them play outside if they had become restless inside. We took colouring books and pencils. We involved them in our conversation. And now our kids are pretty good at sitting through the meal and using manners (late primary age). This is just what you do as a parent.

I also have no tolerance whatsoever for parents letting their child have an iPad with even low sound playing. It’s so lazy, rude and selfish, and does the child no favours either. If headphones were forgotten and the parent can’t be bothered to parent, then the child can just watch a silent screen.

My DS has ADHD and this was precisely why I used to bring his tablet, because he could not sit down and be quiet without one. Luckily he's 14 now and much calmer.

'The only way to stop them running rampant'? What do you think people did before iPads? Why aren't you capable of controlling your children without electronic devices?

And trust me, it might not have 'looked like it was bothering anyone' but I'd bet good money that the other diners were thinking plenty about it.

I don’t care if other people use iPads or phones to entertain their children in restaurants but it’s either volume off or headphones on. If not then yes I say something. This includes older people (who are just as bad in my experience with speaking on speaker phone in the middle of restaurants).

Yes. That’s what the iPad is for 🙄 love how people who had young kids a long time ago have a habit of conveniently forgetting just how difficult parenting a toddler can be. My 62-year-old mother tells my 3-year-old to “sit nice” at a table and fully expects her to immediately comply, then is completely shocked when she doesn’t. She then goes on to claim that when I was that age I never had a tantrum, never shouted or ran around in restaurants and all she had to say to keep me quiet and still was “sit nice”. Needless to say, I think she has a bit of a selective memory. Of course I can control my children but why would I want to spend a very rare meal out with a friend running around after my kids, trying to deescalate tantrums, and constantly trying to catch the various plates and glasses that they inevitably knock over (and annoying other diners) when I can use that time to give them some iPad time and keep them still and quiet? Why would I make my life harder and ruin all the other diner’s meals? I did say I usually bring headphones, the example I gave was a one-off when I forgot them and no one batted an eyelid

YANBU there is simply no excuse for letting your kid run about in a restaurant. It is both anti-social and dangerous.
I was in a cafe once, and a young child managed to get out of the cafe and wander down the street as the parent could not be assed to actually parent.

The entitlement!!! If your children are that feral have lunch with your friend in your home, not in a restaurant where other people are also trying to have conversations with their friends.

Stop making excuses for your terrible parenting.

I have a 7yo and a 3yo and both have been taken to restaurants from babyhood. They chat and draw and colour or do activity books that I’ve brought, of course sometimes they say something too loud and I have to ask them to remember to keep voices down or to stay sitting, occasionally something gets spilled, but that’s normal childhood behaviour and they’ve learned how to behave in these places by actually being given a chance to, not by having a tablet propped in front of them the whole time. A 3yo is perfectly capable of eating a meal in a restaurant without needing to be babysat by an iPad, but it requires effort from you as a parent.

The difference is that you want your kids to be invisible and not have to put any effort into entertaining them or have them included in the occasion particularly, which I do understand but that’s still not a reason to disrupt other people. If you don’t have headphones then you should either actively parent them or reschedule.

Ok..so toddlers having tantrums, their hands being too small to pick up a glass, their fine motor skills not being developed enough to pick up a fork without potentially dropping it is down to bad parenting now?! You clearly know absolutely nothing about small children and/or are from the “they should be seen and not heard” generation. If you once had small children many moons ago, I bet they were terrified of you. You clearly must have controlled them through smacking and physical abuse. If you genuinely think that a 3-year-old child has the ability to sit quietly in a restaurant for over an hour, neatly spooning their food into their own mouths, then you are delusional.

Actually I have a toddler myself, I just bother to engage with them at mealtimes.

nice personal attack though, I’ve obviously touched a nerve!

You have both resorted to personal attacks actually. We all parent differently and are obviously going to think our way is best or we wouldn’t be doing it. There is nothing wrong with no screen time, and there is nothing wrong with screen time in moderation. Surely we can accept this without parent shaming or fabricating nonsense.

We need to bring back shame.

YANBU, OP. I'd have given them a sharp telling off.

A friend has a 3 year old who they bring when they see us. They bring a few books and actually interact with her. Don't think I've ever seen them give their 3 year a phone or tablet

I cannot stand this type of behaviour. I almost think it would be more of a point made if you get up and leave whether you’ve ordered your food or not. Maybe the establishments would then take some responsibility about patronage. I never let my kids get out of their seats in a restaurant (or use bloody iPads for that matter). You go to a restaurant to spend time together and it’s a learning experience for children.