Would I be unreasonable to ask a child to be a bit quieter on their iPad in a restaurant?

[WouldYouLikeSomeRibena]

I know this is a touchy subject and it’s a public place but I’m just wondering if it’s reasonable to be this angry?

I have taken my friend out for lunch to a restaurant in the lakes for her birthday.
It’s a nice place usually very busy, the food is good and lovely views and usually full of adults dining as it’s quite pricey and no kids menus or high chairs.

Today there was a table in front of us with two women and 6 kids having drinks looking at menus.
The kids keep getting up and running round, talking loudly and one boy was roaming between tables constantly coughing without covering his mouth. In the end a lady on the next table told him to cover his mouth as he was hovering near here and then told the other kids it wasn’t safe to run round.
One of the women was doing a weak “sshhh” that was getting ignored, the other seemed more embarrassed and in the end she suggested they leave and they did.

There are two other tables with kids on iPads but one has headphones and is sat a lot further away so I can’t really hear it and I don’t think there is an issue at all when using headphones.

At the other table a couple are sat near to me with a girl of about 7/8, they are looking at their phones and the girl is on FaceTime on her iPad to another girl with no headphones. It sounds like the other girl is playing a game on a console and both are getting excited and shouting at each other with the girl in the restaurant getting louder and shouting instructions and shrieking occasionally whilst bouncing up and down in her chair.

Other people keep looking over but the parents are oblivious.
Since I started writing this post their food has come and the couple are eating and talking to each other, the girl has propped the iPad against the salt and pepper and is continuing her FaceTime call talking with her mouth full.
The tables are pretty close together and I’m really pissed off about it and want to say something. My friend is also annoyed but worried about confrontation and suggested speaking to staff and asking them to talk to the couple about disturbing everyone.

I was just wondering what others would do? I’ll be really pissed off shelling out almost £100 for a meal that’s supposed to be a celebration and we can hardly hear to have a conversation and I’m disappointed because I wanted it to be nice for my friend.

On the other hand I don’t want to cause an argument and it’s possible people will stick up for the family as we are a pretty child centred society.
I thought I’d ask other opinions so I can assess the risk of that happening.
Would I be unreasonable to go over and ask the couple if they can ask the girl to be quieter or do you think I have no right as it’s a public place and you can’t police people like that?

I just don’t understand the mindset like the people on the other people with kids who let them disturb everyone and just don’t give a shit. I expect it to a degree in places like pizza express or Toby carvery but it feels selfish to bring them to a more adult environment if they are happy to just let them disturb everyone.

I feel awkward approaching the staff as they haven’t already said anything, it might be the best approach though as they are really the only people with any authority to comment.

my children when young (now adults) were always taken to restaurants from a young age and knew how to behave appropriately. I engaged with them during a meal and if it was a particularly long meal with lots of adult conversation they had quiet activities they could do, such as colouring. I can honestly say I never ever took an iPad to a restaurant or gave them a Phone to blast out. In the scenario you described you should have allowed them to use the iPad for a game but with no volume. Utterly selfish behaviour to blast out iPads and phones. It is incredibly rude.

OP was never going to do anything. Waste of time.

One excuse for shit parenting is as good as another I suppose. 🙄

Genuine question, how do you think parents coped 20 years ago when there wasn't the option to give their kids a tablet?

The mothers are not doing their job: teaching their children how to behave in a restaurant. There's a world of a difference between reading, colouring or playing a game with a friend at the same table, and shouting into a screen on Facetime. Poor children. I would certainly be saying something, bracing myself to be slagged.

It is such lazy parenting.

How ghastly that children are unable to go out for
lunch without having to have iPads etc. and that parents seem increasingly unable to engage them in conversation.

Children should be taught from a very young age that it is not their restaurant and therefore they must be aware of the other diners and if they misbehave the occasion will be curtailed and everybody will go home hungry.

We had a meal out over Christmas completely ruined by a group of dickhead parents and their feral offspring.

Lovely small independent restaurant, they had taken up over half the available tables (all pushed together down the side of the restaurant) and thought this entitled them thereby of the place. At one point I had a child lying on the floor behind my child, the other children were banging on the tables in unison shouting “I want my food” and I eventually totally lost my shit when the parents starting doing a chorus of “Arabella do you need a wee, come and have a wee, Toby time for a wee. Darling can you take him for a wee.”.

I'd request firmly that the staff deal with it.

We have four (now adult) children (five years btwn oldest and youngest) and we would take them out to eat at good restaurants both here and abroad. Luckily no mobiles/ipads in the 90'& 00's. We always made them sit as quietly at the table as possible and talked to them.They knew we wouldn't put up with bad behaviour- We'd take them outside for a chat if they were on the verge of misbehaving and that did the trick. Also we ate all our meals at home at the kitchen table together and didn't have a TV in there, so no distractions. It's lovely to see children at restaurants- as long as their parents ensure good behaviour.

My thoughts exactly!

Don’t blame ‘the ASD crowd’ (nice, btw.)

Both of my children (7 and 9) are diagnosed. As am I, actually.

My parents never allowed me to misbehave or disrupt other people in restaurants. As a result, since childhood known how to behave in one!

My children are not allowed to get out of their seats unless they need the use the toilet. We take paper, colouring pens and stickers in a bag. We also take a book each, and as an emergency back up we take tablets with headphones. Not a chance would they be allowed to use them without headphones.

We’ve never had to use the tablets at the table. They usually come out in the car on the boring drive home. We speak to the children, they join in with the meal and our conversation.

If taking them out for a meal caused such distress that they were becoming dysregulated (which some other activities do) then - get this novel idea - I wouldn’t put them through it!!

No, before any jumps on me I am not saying that children with additional needs shouldn’t be taken out for lunch or dinner. But if it’s that difficult for the child that they need to block out the world around then then can’t you find something else to do with them that they actually enjoy and doesn’t make them feel distressed? “But they’ll never learn” oh but they will, there is plenty of time.

Additional needs or not, it’s not ok for children to disturb everyone else when eating out. It’s selfish and rude.

I'm not sure a restaurant is the correct setting where a child should be allowed to be a child...can't be pleasant for the staff having to watch for LO's running freely around.
What next...scooters, roller skating, playing ball, screaming.

Which is not quite the same as running around the restaurant and being intrusively noisy on thier tablets/phones etc. That's not playing. That's being antisocial and entitled.

Parents need to make sure children understand the requirements of different environments. I taught my children from an early age how to behave in restaurants and in other public spaces. It isn't difficult. You're doing your children no favours if you allow them to go feral in a restaurant - it's fine for them to read, use their tablets (with headphones), draw etc. It is not fine for them to interfere with other people's enjoyment.

Do what I do with my 4 year old. Either turn the volume off completely or take them outside if they’re milking a fuss. Leaving them to scream the place down or play paw patrol with the volume on is truly terrible parenting. Being a single parent is no excuse at all.

I’d probably say yes, to an extent. There’s a lot of talk about “teaching children how to behave,” and I agree that in a restaurant you shouldn’t have to deal with disruptive behavior. That said, these situations do come up.

I also think we’re losing the ability to politely and kindly ask strangers for something reasonable. It doesn’t have to turn into an argument. Why can’t we make simple, respectful requests anymore?

Something like, “Hi, good afternoon. Would you mind turning the sound down or off, please?” said with a smile can go a long way.

I think most reasonable parents would understand. If they chose to ignore the request or respond confrontationally, I would simply ask to move tables. As a parent myself, I know that sometimes you can let things slide, but that doesn’t mean you should. I would be mortified and would try to get my child to be quiet straight away.

And they need to be taught what sort of behaviour is appropriate in different situations.

Yes. I’m sure the wall of text you wrote was a bit rude to your friend too.
I cant imagine being out for lunch with a friend and thinking that I must run the situation by mumsnet.

I have a child with significant non verbal autism. Sometimes when eating out we bring an iPad. We always have it on mute and ask the venue in advance for a quiet and out of the way table with extra space.

I have never experienced hostility to my child, people are always very understanding and supportive.

Sadly sometimes, usually on Mumsnet I have to accept people like you do exist. I take a little comfort from the fact you probably only share your bigotry anonymously behind your keyboard.

It’s a shame that you think there are areas of society that should exclude people with disabilities, I use a iPad and also enjoy a range of outdoor activities. It’s a very weird judgment to think if you see a child you do not know on an iPad for a short time in a restaurant that they do not do anything else. Luckily you are the minority.

Oh sod off.

I pads have not been around forever. I have kids and they aren't allowed their tablets in restaurants. They have to learn how to sit at a restaurant. Ofc I take them on movement breaks, and bring for them colouring or by gosh (horror) interact with them.

We aren't talking about a mcdees or kfc here. They were at an expensive restaurant.

No I wouldn't expect people to keep their kids home, and wouldn't even mind if was 2 kids talking and laughing or even getting upset while parents try and manage the upset.

But running around like it's a softplay or having your tablet on loudly is just not on.

Hate this "you are entitled to be childfree but not have a child free life" being the go to. It isn't. Raise your damn kids people.

No thanks, i won’t “trust you”. I’ve 4 year old twin boys and wouldn’t dream of blaring paw patrol in a restaurant so I can have a catch up with my friend.
Such entitled behaviour and frankly bizzare that you think it’s okay because you’re a single parent.

I'm sick of people, by no means just children, listening to annoying stuff on phones and tablets in public. How have we allowed this to become socially acceptable? Volume off or use headphones, FFS.

I give not a hoot how people parent as long as it doesn’t impact on me.

We brought out the ipad on holiday after DS had finished eating because we had been at the beach/waterpark/pool all day long , we played enough uno before the meal to have shares in the bloody game and he was tired and we wanted to savour rather than bolt our dinner. So shoot us now.
What we didn’t do is have the volume on or let him charge around the restaurant or scream and shout.

The only time I let DS and his pal become a little rambunctious in a restaurant it was Pizza Hut and they had forgotten to put our order in so we were waiting for an hour, so by that stage all bets were off, still wouldn’t let them run round the restaurant of course.

I think the interaction part is definitely a gppd point!

Taking your kid to a restaurant isn’t a break from parenting, they are just a much a part of the party.

Yep that is a bonkers line of reasoning.

If you end up in a situation where your children are unable to behave in a setting without causing disruption to every other person there, then of course you take them out. If you have to be told that by strangers on the internet, that’s not a good sign. I can’t imagine that poster’s friend enjoys Paw Patrol blaring from tablets in a restaurant anyway 🤷‍♀️ I’d be embarrassed if someone I was with was behaving like that and suggest we go elsewhere or reschedule!

I'd get them told or ask the staff to do it.

But YABU to be out with a friend in a restaurant, writing a chapter and verse OP on an internet forum instead of just saying something.

Can no-one just make a simple decision on their own anymore? Or at least run it past the friend you're ignoring while burying your face in your phone telling us all this minute detail.