Would I be unreasonable to ask a child to be a bit quieter on their iPad in a restaurant?

[WouldYouLikeSomeRibena]

I know this is a touchy subject and it’s a public place but I’m just wondering if it’s reasonable to be this angry?

I have taken my friend out for lunch to a restaurant in the lakes for her birthday.
It’s a nice place usually very busy, the food is good and lovely views and usually full of adults dining as it’s quite pricey and no kids menus or high chairs.

Today there was a table in front of us with two women and 6 kids having drinks looking at menus.
The kids keep getting up and running round, talking loudly and one boy was roaming between tables constantly coughing without covering his mouth. In the end a lady on the next table told him to cover his mouth as he was hovering near here and then told the other kids it wasn’t safe to run round.
One of the women was doing a weak “sshhh” that was getting ignored, the other seemed more embarrassed and in the end she suggested they leave and they did.

There are two other tables with kids on iPads but one has headphones and is sat a lot further away so I can’t really hear it and I don’t think there is an issue at all when using headphones.

At the other table a couple are sat near to me with a girl of about 7/8, they are looking at their phones and the girl is on FaceTime on her iPad to another girl with no headphones. It sounds like the other girl is playing a game on a console and both are getting excited and shouting at each other with the girl in the restaurant getting louder and shouting instructions and shrieking occasionally whilst bouncing up and down in her chair.

Other people keep looking over but the parents are oblivious.
Since I started writing this post their food has come and the couple are eating and talking to each other, the girl has propped the iPad against the salt and pepper and is continuing her FaceTime call talking with her mouth full.
The tables are pretty close together and I’m really pissed off about it and want to say something. My friend is also annoyed but worried about confrontation and suggested speaking to staff and asking them to talk to the couple about disturbing everyone.

I was just wondering what others would do? I’ll be really pissed off shelling out almost £100 for a meal that’s supposed to be a celebration and we can hardly hear to have a conversation and I’m disappointed because I wanted it to be nice for my friend.

On the other hand I don’t want to cause an argument and it’s possible people will stick up for the family as we are a pretty child centred society.
I thought I’d ask other opinions so I can assess the risk of that happening.
Would I be unreasonable to go over and ask the couple if they can ask the girl to be quieter or do you think I have no right as it’s a public place and you can’t police people like that?

I just don’t understand the mindset like the people on the other people with kids who let them disturb everyone and just don’t give a shit. I expect it to a degree in places like pizza express or Toby carvery but it feels selfish to bring them to a more adult environment if they are happy to just let them disturb everyone.

I feel awkward approaching the staff as they haven’t already said anything, it might be the best approach though as they are really the only people with any authority to comment.

According to your post you’re there right now, so why are you posting on here when out for a meal with your friend? Weird.

Ask the staff to make them turn down the iPad or ask if you can have another quieter table as the noise of the screens is triggering you.

Me too. I’d tell the staff I had been hoping for a pleasant, civilised meal, but the noisy and uncontrolled behaviour of children has forced us to find somewhere else.

General noise from children is expected and acceptable, but a children playing around tables in a restaurant is dangerous, and listening to an iPad without headphones is not acceptable and shouldn’t be allowed to happen. Parents need to be a bit
more considerate sometimes to those around them, and make sure their children are not disturbing others or being dangerous. I say this as a parent of two young children, mine are allowed to play quietly at restaurants but they stay in their seats and if they watch an iPad they have headphones or sound off.

You can certainly tell who the lazy, entitled parents are on this thread.

I've got nothing against children being in restaurants. I've got a huge problem with it if they make noise or run around, however.

Speaking to the parents is just a risk you have to take. They might take it well, or they might stand up and challenge you. I'm going to go with the latter, if they're the sort of parents not to handle the noise and deal with the bad behaviour, then they don't care and will defend their perfect angels to the last.

Our front garden in London didn't have a gate (they all came like that) and parents would always let their kids run around in my garden, and this caused all sorts of damage, while they parked/paid the meter (a huge soft play centre was built right near our house, hence the constant invasion). I'd nicely go out and explain that it was private property, and oh my goodness the reaction of some of the parents. I was challenged to physical fights, had stuff thrown at my door and front windows, had half a burger thrown at me, was screamed at, told "how is it affecting you?" you name it. If they're the type to ignore bad behaviour, then they're usually nasty types.

Terrible parents.

Ask them to turn off the iPad or give their DD head phones.

If that doesn't work, ask for the manager, and ask him/her to be really clear with the noisy family.

You can tell the (handful of) bad parents on this thread happy to let their children run amok in restaurants and iPads on full past because, you know, kids will be kids and where would the human race be without children

I would definitely say something to the staff. Takes the heat off you and the staff need to know they need to tackle the behaviour.

I have no problem with kids making noise per se (although if a child is screaming through a play or meal, take them out FFS). My children can be noisy.

But iPad or music on speaker is not the child making the noise and it is perfectly possible to avoid.

We never did screens in restaurants. Yes it was a massive pain in the arse entertaining them and getting them to sit still but they eventually got used to doing drawing and we'd carry little games or toys with us to entertain them.

Yessss!

We all find it rude and annoying, and spoils civilised times in public spaces.

But we all worry too much about telling parents that they need to teach their children how to behave properly - "manners" are simply having consideration for others.

And the parents in @WouldYouLikeSomeRibena 's situation have no manners, and are raising children who are going to be rude & annoying, because they won't have been taught proper consideration of others in shared public space.

No, I'm not that type. I'm not loud, nor are my DC. They have no interest in iPads so have never taken one to a restaurant. I don't get wound up about what people are doing around me though. I like seeing people enjoy themselves. I'm more a live and let live type, quite the opposite of the entitled type.

Shit parenting.

I'd ask the staff if they could speak the family and tell the kid to shut up, or move you. Otherwise I'd leave.

Exactly.
I don't want to "have children in my life", either.

Difficulty is that some people don't like any 'noise' or activity associated with children and interpret any child's behaviour as disruptive to their enjoyment . I have family members who have this view. They are entitled to this and avoid family restaurants, especially during school holidays

They are entitled to this and avoid family restaurants, especially during school holidays

The OP specifically notes that it's not a restaurant marketed as a "family" restaurant. She is quite reasonable to expect a low level of patrons' conversations, not iPAD conversations at full pitch, including screaming.

”Live and let live” — yes. Live and disrupt everyone else — no. You may well not be bothered by the disruptive behaviour of others but others clearly are and in a community, respect and consideration for others is key.

The thread isn’t about any child noise. It’s about unacceptable loud iPads and shouting that disturbs others. It’s incredibly annoying and disruptive.

Why is it that some parents are completely oblivious to social norms when it comes to their kids? Put your damn phones down and take the ipad off your kid. You're in public, not your livingroom. Behave yourselves.

Agree. If I’m in a cafe with my dog and it starts barking I pay up and leave. I don’t understand why people allow their child to carry on screaming at the expense of everyone else. It’s not ok.

If it was one person, maybe, but it sounds like you're in the minority and there's more than one table full of noisy kids. Seems like setting yourself up for a battle you can't win.

Where did OP say they’re child free? Children are of course allowed to eat out with family but shouldn’t be allowed to be running around a restaurant or playing loud enough on tablets to disturb other diners. The parents are at fault because they are allowing this to happen.

OP I would definitely mention to a member of staff the noise. They probably haven’t said anything because no one has complained yet

Youre surely ruining your own meal by typing this out mid-meal. Its not exactly a short post.

If it was that noisy - Id ask the parents to stop her. Its a bloody ridiculous situation and I cant understand how people think this is ok!

I don’t understand why people take their kids out if they are going to be on devices the whole time. It is wrong and you are well within your right to ask the manager to either move you or ask the table to be quieter.

Honestly I would say nothing. I think it’s too risky nowadays. You might find yourself on the parents’ SM looking like an absolute villain.
I know it’s cowardly but I would take the path of least resistance, eat up and leave .