DH and family left me alone in a restaurant

[TemporaryWombat]

This didn’t happen recently but it still bugs me! Went out for a meal for MIL birthday, I was 8 months pregnant and at the end of the meal FIL paid the bill - I stood up and told DH I was going to the toilet, went (I wasn’t long) came back and everyone had buggered off! I was stood there embarrassed asking the waiters where everyone was. I went to the car park and wandered around in the dark trying to find DH car.

AIBU or is it really inconsiderate to just leave? DH sees no fault and said the meal was over and it was obvious we were all leaving. It felt very crappy and definitely not something I would do or my family.

No it’s a serious event and her husband showed appalling judgement here. She needs his care, support and attention which he did not supply.

😂 the hyperbole

At 8 months pregnant, my DH would 💯 be waiting in the restaurant until I returned from the bathroom.

If the bill has been paid but everyone is still sitting around chatting, then yes it’s rude for them to have just left while you were in the toilet. If someone had said ‘right, shall we go then?’, the correct response from OP’s husband (or anyone else who noticed) should have been ‘yeah in a sec, OP’s just gone to the loo.’

They are, but if you look at the poll, most people are used to caring family members and it's a minority who have never experienced a caring partner so they're mocking it. It's just that the ones with low standards are quite vocal and aggressive on the thread so it seems like there's more of them.

it's likely your senses were heightened and this would have bothered you more at 8 months pregnant. But, now? It's maybe not the most polite behaviour but certainly not unheard of if the meal was finished and waiting staff have a job to do. How did you get to the restaurant - presumably in the car. Wouldn't it be where you parked it? I feel like you're ruminating on something really inconsequential....

Or perhaps British women don’t particularly want to be treated like fragile children? Do you squeal when you see a mouse as well? Good grief 🙄

Why would you not just enjoy each others company like doing before the bill was paid? I cannot see how paying then makes things awkward.

Sitting on the fence as there’s a couple of different scenarios. Firstly if it’s cold or rainy DH will say he will go and get the car and meet me out the front, other times he will wait in the foyer or table.

I’ve not had to go and find him, although one occasion we dined with his half sister and her hubby and as we had said our goodbyes and our DC and myself were getting into the car, I looked around to see why DH wasn’t there and his half sister had stopped him along the way to the car.

When he got to the car I asked him what that was about and he replied ‘she wanted to know if everything was ok”.

is it possible the family did this to your DH as well ?

I think it’s rude nobody sad goodbye and they all left you behind yes!

Even when I go out with friends, people wait at the table while toilet visits are done. And if someone is in a rush, they’ll say goodbye before other person heads to toilet. No one just walks out, have never seen that tbh. My DH and I always use the toilet after paying the bill - we both wait at table while the other goes. Why wouldn’t you wait, staff don’t rush you out if someone’s in the toilet. It’s just common courtesy to wait or at least say goodbye before you go if you can’t wait.

exaggerated statements or claims not meant to be taken literally.
i meant it to be taken literally..
what next? Drop her off outside maternity and go out with his families friends. OP needs to think carefully about her future and her children.

Good grief! Are you prone to such drama often?

I haven’t read the whole thread, but to be honest I’m staggered at the amount of people who said this is normal or it wouldn’t bother them. Pregnant or not I think it’s the absolute height of rudeness to all go off without at least one person waiting ( obviously not the whole party!). At 8 months pregnant it’s also pretty bizarre as it’s not unknown for babies to arrive early , so it would be considerate for someone to wait until you reappeared from the toilet. If a partner scuttled off to the car leaving me in a restaurant on my own I would be soooo hacked off - that being said I’m obviously in the minority- maybe that’s why I’m long term single?!!

Pregnant or not I am not a porcelain doll who is a mature intelligent woman who coped perfectly well when I was single and can still manage to do so now I am married, we may be legally married but we are own person

I do manage to go out on my own without a chaperone and am perfectly capable of going to the bathroom without people standing on ceremony waiting for my return and managed perfectly well doing things out and about at 8 and 9 months pregnant and after birth and with a newborn, toddler, child

Why is the concept of this such a bizarre one? why are women so incapable?

I’m glad I’m not the type of person who focuses on this, rather than father-in-law’s kindness at paying the whole bill.

Christ 😂

I know there is an expectation of anonymity here which I like but I wonder if anyone agrees that it would be useful to know the sex of the posters. Some responses seem misogynistic to me but then I’m old. As I have made clear I would have been furious with my husband and a bit annoyed with everyone else if this had happened to me even if not pregnant. OPs pregnancy makes everyone’s behaviour even worse.

I’m female HTH, although I think it’s totally irrelevant, I still stand by my previous comment.

Not worried about anonymity and disclosing I’m female, won’t make me anymore likely to be identified with it?

Women can disagree with women!

Oh and I’m “old”, well 61, so maybe just “older”?

I think the normal thing would be either for the group to wait for you to come back before leaving or at least your partner to wait, unless they'd said "see you in the car" or something. However in the absence of other problems, I don't think this is something to be dwelling on months later- just a miscommunication.

I also get very bored with the “you disagree with me”, you must be male!

No luv, I just think you’re wrong on this occasion!

Women have their own minds and thoughts!

Serious event?😂Having him wander into the car park of a Harvester with his parents while his wife went to the loo? The bill had been paid, everyone had already stood up. Really no need for her act like a helpless lost child asking the waiter where everyone had gone. 🙄

It's not like he drove off and left her in the middle of Cairo or Mogadishu dressed in nothing by a bikini, is it?

Why do people bother replying to a thread where the op doesn’t even return

Yep. Another female here

Oh yeah going to the car while she’s in the loo, certainly points to him pissing off down the pub whilst she’s in labour.

It seems this even was some months ago, so the baby has been born, I wonder why she’s fixated on the restaurant and not labouring alone whilst her DH was in the pub?

Because it didn’t happen and the only complaint she had is that he or his family after paying for her meal didn’t hold her hand to cross the car park!!