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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and family left me alone in a restaurant

364 replies

TemporaryWombat · 16/02/2026 11:59

This didn’t happen recently but it still bugs me! Went out for a meal for MIL birthday, I was 8 months pregnant and at the end of the meal FIL paid the bill - I stood up and told DH I was going to the toilet, went (I wasn’t long) came back and everyone had buggered off! I was stood there embarrassed asking the waiters where everyone was. I went to the car park and wandered around in the dark trying to find DH car.

AIBU or is it really inconsiderate to just leave? DH sees no fault and said the meal was over and it was obvious we were all leaving. It felt very crappy and definitely not something I would do or my family.

OP posts:
sprigatito · 17/02/2026 18:03

I would have expected DH to tell me if he was going to wait in the car. Generally we would just wait in the restaurant if someone was nipping to the loo, it’s only a few minutes - if they decided to head out to the car without having told you they were going to, I would consider that a bit thoughtless. I don’t see what being pregnant has to do with it though.

Lonelyisthenight · 17/02/2026 18:03

I understand where you're coming from, but I wouldn't dwell on it any longer. They didn't leave you high and dry, they just decided to wait in the car.

Wildefish · 17/02/2026 18:06

aBuffetofunreasonableness · 16/02/2026 12:03

So he was waiting in the car for you? What's wrong with that?

I think at a couple of weeks off her due date it would have been nice to wait for his wife while she was in the bathroom. My 3rd child came early.

Mummatoisy · 17/02/2026 18:11

Contrary to what others are saying I do not think you’re being unreasonable. This would very much bother me too! I figured it was normal to wait for whoever you are with… why on earth would you just leave the building without first letting them know you would wait in the car beforehand?! Especially with you being 8 months pregnant, that makes it worse. Also your partner couldn’t wait 2 minutes for you to use the loo… be just left without telling you?! How inconsiderate and honestly weird. I would never not wait for a friend/Family member/Partner to use the toilet or do whatever needed doing and then exit the building together, surely even 1 person should wait for you?!? it’s common courtesy! x

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/02/2026 18:14

Rude. DH should've waited inside or said, We'll go to the car and I'll bring it round or something like that.

KilkennyCats · 17/02/2026 18:21

Wildefish · 17/02/2026 18:06

I think at a couple of weeks off her due date it would have been nice to wait for his wife while she was in the bathroom. My 3rd child came early.

Show quote history

Are you really suggesting an 8 months pregnant woman shouldn’t be allowed out alone, in case the baby comes early? Or that op might have been actually giving birth in the loo for all her erring husband knew and he’d have missed it, sitting in blissful ignorance in the car park?

Calliopespa · 17/02/2026 18:21

MyMilchick · 16/02/2026 12:13

I don't see the issue, presumably he was just waiting in the car? I don't see what you being 8 months pregnant has to do with anything either, you would still have had to walk to the car either way

Actually my DH would probably have brought the car closer to the door. I think he'd do that anyway (though we normally leave together) but think he really might if I were heavily pregnant. We do it for elderly MIL.

It was a bit thoughtless OP but not worth dwelling on.

Maxstress3 · 17/02/2026 18:27

I'm sorry but i completely agree with you rather than the majority
They should have waited its basic manners. Whether they waited at the table until you returned or in the reception area of the restaurant it was rude to walk off

BettyBettyBoop · 17/02/2026 18:40

I wouldn't have expected everyone to wait for you, but DH should have. But if this is the biggest gripe you have in life at the moment, esp as its not happened recently you really need to let it go.

RightOnTheEdge · 17/02/2026 18:46

YANBU that ILs were a bit rude to go off and not saying goodbye.

YABU for wandering around bewildered like a lost lamb asking waiters where your family went and talking about wandering about in a car park in the dark. That sounds a bit pathetic to be honest.

2Rebecca · 17/02/2026 18:54

I think they should have waited for you but last minute toilet faffers are a pain whether you are leaving the house or returning home. Don't leave it until the last minute.

gamerchick · 17/02/2026 18:57

2Rebecca · 17/02/2026 18:54

I think they should have waited for you but last minute toilet faffers are a pain whether you are leaving the house or returning home. Don't leave it until the last minute.

Do you pee normally when you're pregnant like? I certainly didn't.

HughGrantsfurrysquirrel · 17/02/2026 18:59

SardinesOnButteredToast · 16/02/2026 12:15

I can understand your feelings. If everyone had paid and were heading to the door and you said you'd pop back for a wee, fair enough, but if everyone was just finishing up and you find everyone gone as you come out the loo, well I'd feel like I wasn't important to the group and nobody cared despite my working double time carrying a baby. The comments on here are like a race to the bottom for how little consideration and care women are willing to take in order to look cool and carefree. Fuck yes, I'm going to be high maintenance. I expect my husband to wait for me, and to want to walk me to the car in the dark. Could I clean and press the weight of most men, yes probably, but do I expect to be treated like a Queen - also yes.

Edited to add: AIBU?? If that's U, then try being even MORE unreasonable. Raise their standards to the appropriate level.

Edited

Absolutely agree with this.

I had a similar scenario with (ex) DP and his parents.
Mind you, i'm going back over 12 years ago, but it crosses my mind occasionally, and still niggles me to this day!!

Hope the DH in question has bucked up his ideas a bit now.🙄

Mum1828 · 17/02/2026 18:59

I can’t believe the first few replies. OP was 8 months pregnant- I would be expecting the DH to be keeping an eye out for her. If they aren’t in the habit of waiting at the car then it is really inconsiderate to bugger off without telling her.

2Rebecca · 17/02/2026 19:01

I had frequency in late pregnancy but I still would have gone to the loo when people started talking about getting the bill or had finished their meal. I didn't need to go every 10 minutes.

liveforsummer · 17/02/2026 19:01

Mum1828 · 17/02/2026 18:59

I can’t believe the first few replies. OP was 8 months pregnant- I would be expecting the DH to be keeping an eye out for her. If they aren’t in the habit of waiting at the car then it is really inconsiderate to bugger off without telling her.

Unless op had gone to the toilet with tummy pains etc, I’m not sure being pregnant is really relevant

Merrycritictime · 17/02/2026 19:07

You were 8 months pregnant. He left you in there. Your hormones/emotions all over the place (and late-pregnant women can’t exactly choose the time to go…you go all the time!). I think he was inconsiderate and it’s awful, no wonder you’re dwelling on it. I went out recently for a big group of us, my mum’s 98th. I knew my sister was still in the loo at the end…her husband had asked me to go to their car with him as they’d bought me a ‘thank you’ gift for organising the do (23 people). I asked my two (grown up) sons to wait by the door for her, as it was dark and I was mindful she may feel left out or disorientated if everyone had just left her there. She isn’t pregnant btw.

Han1978 · 17/02/2026 19:13

I can’t believe these replies either. You are not being unreasonable OP that’s a weird thing to do , just leave you in the loo!! My OH would never do that . If I go to the loo he would be waiting for me when I got out , unless he specifically said‘I’ll see you in the car ‘

DisabledDemon · 17/02/2026 19:13

If they'd said, 'We'll be in the car' or you had said, 'Don't wait', fine. Otherwise, just plain pig-ignorant.

firstofallimadelight · 17/02/2026 19:14

batshit responses as usual! Of course it’s rude for everyone to leave without saying goodbye and it is absolutely weird for your dh to go sit in the car alone and wait for you without saying where he is!

Hellohelga · 17/02/2026 19:27

Totally normal. It’s awkward lurking in the doorway after youve all got up.

Daisyhon · 17/02/2026 19:34

I’m pretty sure the op is able to find her way to the car , however I do think personally it is impolite / bad manners to leave without saying goodbye , actually possibly quite odd for EVERYONE to leave ( maybe they don’t like u that much 😂 ) sorry , I know it probably upset u but in the grand scheme of things , it’s not the end of the world . So many people will experience appalling behaviour much worse than this from their beloved in-laws !

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 17/02/2026 19:35

angelos02 · 16/02/2026 12:02

It wouldn't bother me at all - wouldn't even cross my mind to be offended or put out.

Me neither x

KilkennyCats · 17/02/2026 19:41

I’m pretty sure the op is able to find her way to the car
You’re more certain than op is, in that case.

Tuesdayschild50 · 17/02/2026 19:42

I do get where your coming from in not waiting and saying bye to you.
Some families are closer than others in that they'll wait chat ... maybe they thought you'd be awhile or maybe they said to partner say bye for us... don't dwell on it though unless other things have happened that you feel bugged by .