Private school fees- is it worth the £250k?

[SchoolDilemmas123]

AIBU about potential school fees?
I want to send my DS to the local state secondary but my DH wants the private route.

My DS has a place at an independent school for year 7, starting in Sept 2026.
The fees in his first year will be £30,000 (£10,000 per term) plus uniform and trips.
So we are looking at least £250,000 for his education until the end 6th form.

When you put it like that…. It’s an awful
Lot money that might be better spent elsewhere. We could invest the money now and give him £300,000 when he turns 25 for a house deposit for example

There is so much to weigh up! It’s a great school, not a hot house but pretty academic. The school suits him very well. He would thrive there.

we have a ‘good’ state secondary school to consider. Not outstanding, gets very average results. He would hopefully be fine there. I want to send him here with his friends from his state primary.

We can afford the fees but it would eat into our future savings. We live in a normal house, no mortgage, and both work full time.

I don’t know what to do for the best long term.

Anyone else had these considerations? If so how did you reach your decision, and are you happy with it?

YANBU - send him to the state secondary.
YABU - go private

As PP said, go state and employ tutors if necessary. If the state school is good, it is unlikely to have serious violence issues as another PP has suggested - although my teacher friends do say that behaviour has worsened since the pandemic.

It depends on the alternative - my eldest is at private for Alevels after being in state since reception class. There has been no detriment to him having gone to state until now (well, he probably would have been made to study more in school and got slightly better GCSE results at private but still got 9s, 8s and 7s with very little effort and frankly they dont matter now) - he fits in really well, gets on with everyone (no issues with being a poor bursary kid, going out with one of the boarders, friends with wealthy kids and teachers' kids alike, no one judges as they're not dicks) , is just as able academically and with his specialist interest (music). He's gone private (on scholarship and bursary) as the local college didnt offer the right subjects.
My younger child will be staying in state, our local 6th form is very good and gets slightly better results than the private (not much in it between them ) and offers the right subjects. The only difference between the two for my children is that youngest would get to play more rugby at the private if he went there, and eldest is getting to use facilitites for music that they dont have in the state college (recording studio etc).
Eldest says there's far more drugs in the private than there was at his state school (small town, only one secondary school apart from the private), racism and bullying is just as rife private just hide it a bit better, eating disorders a plenty in private, slightly more disruption in class in state but only in years 7 and 8, by year 9 this stopped being an issue.
For children who are bright with no special interest a good state secondary and 6th form will meet all their needs.

That doesn’t surprise me - I don’t think even top 0.5-1% earners in London can afford a mortgage and private school these days, certainly not for 2 kids, without also some form of parental handout. I’m in that salary bracket but have had no money from parents and we can’t afford it. Im
considering grammar route or just our local comp with top-ups.

Those of my peers who can fall into one or more of these categories: school fees (or a big proportion) paid by grandparents; gifted a house deposit; both of the couple in that wage bracket. It’s insane.

it's funny when private school parents say how well their bright dc are doing academically while my 3 go to the local 'be avoided' school and are doing extremely well, getting top marks in most subjects. They are astonished that this school that had to bribe students 15 years ago with bicycles and other rewards to improve attendance has an impressive sports academy and sports teams are winning against many of the local private schools. This school also promotes public speaking and performing arts.

I always get the sense that this annoys private school parents a bit. There is a fair bunch of middle to supper middle class families as well as local traveller families and those who live in social housing at my dc's school so perhaps they think we don't have the upper class networking opportunities and maybe we don't but my dc and their peers are incredibly switched on and they know they'll have to work hard to get their foot into any door. We are lucky they also have French passports so will be able to study and work abroad. Whatever job they end up doing, they can relate to and communicate with anyone and everyone because that's what they already do at school.

I did the whole move house thing to a better catchment area and the my DC did as many extra curricular activities that they wanted to do. Is this an option?

The foundation of a happy childhood is security. A fixed roof over their heads and a loving family.
(Maslow is right on the basic need being shelter). This is what stabilizes our children and communities.

I say the above as I am convinced school disruption is caused by lack of the above.
I grew up on a council estate due to a change in circumstances. On reflection it wasn't rough as people were keen to move on to buying a home once they had saved up. Now we have people with no desire or ambition to better their options.

I worked extremely hard for over forty years and reached CEO level. I did go to a famous university and went back later for a masters. In my industry very few women get the big jobs.
This high income allowed me to put both DC through private prep school. One then went to an outstanding state school and the other a Cotswold boarding school. My DD hated the boarding school. Full of bullies including a very nasty teacher.
We used a huge amount of our savings paying a large mortgage (posh area for good state school ) and school fees that has impacted our retirement. We keep that from the YA as they didn't make that decision, we did.
I should be retired now as should my husband but we made a bad decision regarding housing and keeping them in private school in the crash of 2008. We really couldn't afford both and I got made redundant I didn't recover for four years. Parent care has impacted my work too
Only commit if you can afford it outright.
( You said your house is paid up).
All schools are different. We have a major player in the town but it's silly money these days and no local people go there. Tv, royalty and bankers.

Yes it is...

The state school pupil is worth about £6k per year, so it’s no wonder that a school getting £30k per year for the same age child can offer way more teachers, sports, art, drama , music, swimming pool etc . So the experience a child will get at a top independent school will be much enriched. I say this as a retired teacher, teaching in both state and independent schools, and with 4 DC, 2 of whom went to the independent school. My biggest regret is that I didn’t send the other 2 for a variety of reasons. They have all done very well in jobs etc, but it is the whole school experience which parents pay for.

Ok retired teacher here. I’ve a long career in teaching. I’ve done 2 state schools and 2 private. Tbh it’s completely down to the child and the schools you’re considering, it’s something that absolutely can’t be commented on by someone else. It’s such an individual choice.

I will say you cannot compare the two systems. Yes in my opinion, a private education is better than a state one but that’s just my own opinion and experience. My children went to right through state and if you ask me to be absolutely truthful, yes I wished we had put them through private school. The reason we didn’t, is because we couldn’t afford it right through for 2 children, even with my discount. however you are in a different situation and you can afford it.

I will also say that if you’re considering doing the mixture of both, do state first to private. Children find it so hard to adapt the other way round, particularly the older they get. It’s hard for them generally to go from private to state, unless you do it at very specific times (like year 2 and year 6, and even year 6 can be a culture shock)

good luck in your decision

My brother and I both went to private school. I suppose it's impossible for us to know if we would have done as well (or better) at state school. However, being given the choice of a £300k lump sum and a private school education, I'd take the money.

Absolutely not in your financial situation.
Those fees are for people where the money will not be missed or noticed.
You are comfortably off, not wealthy or near it.
The good school will be fine.
You can easily pay for private tutoring if you feel their are gaps to fill in.

I think it's very personal - we were in a similar situation financially but did put our son in private school.

I once went to a flat viewing where the daughter of the house went to highgate school (30k a year). It was a 2 bed flat in Finchley valued around 450k, younger brother still shared a room with parents. Parents were professional but clearly not wealthy and valued education. Also I think sharing rooms with kid isnt taboo where they are from.

I was very much in awe and inspired. I was pregnant then and thought, I want to be like that too (except I am stopping at 1 so no need to share rooms but my 7 month old shows no signs of wanting to leave my bed)

I agree with this. Went from selective private to an east London state school. Huge culture shock

Private every time, mine have all thrived, not necessarily the education but more the extra curriculars, the strong sports , the children want to learn and the parents are supportive, the pastoral care is amazing.

we frame it as us giving our children their inheritance early.

Loads of grandparents pay the fees-or at least help out.

Only you can answer this OP.

You’re not in a grammar area.

You can afford it.

What are the local state schools like and what the are children like who go there?

Private can’t guarantee perfect results, but they are statistically better.

The number of threads on here from parents and teachers about students poor behaviour in state is absolutely eye opening and shocking.

When you factor in SEN in state schools (which will absolutely increase and not decrease) and some of the behaviour linked to that, and that state schools seem to have a ball ache kicking out disruptive and violent pupils…..well I’ll let you figure that out.

The sport and extra-curricular will be abundant.

What else would you do with the money?

I don’t get the modern trend towards tutoring. One child in the last year of state, another in first year uni after the last 5 years of school at private, 2 much younger children. We’ve never felt the need for tutors but apparently 40% of parents employ tutors. Is teaching so inadequate for exams these days? Is this not an issue? What happens if you can’t afford tutors?

I get the impression from threads that it might not be the inadequacies in teaching (appreciate that could be a factor), but the daily disruption impacting the class.

So funny when some people (not necessarily on this thread) are hugely against private as they feel it’s unfair, but will spend money on tutors and post code to give their child a “leg up”’……

Oh my...that's a lot of money.... I don't think it's better teaching, up to GCSEs maybe less disruption. Depends does the good secondary set? Top sets probably have less disruption if your DC will be in them? Depends of the kid I suppose..have definitely met people whose private school education elevated them above their actual ability but wondered if it was a bit stressful for them..as it's such a lot of expectation.
Honestly I think of the opportunities and choices a paid off house would give. You could follow your passion job, not worry about retraining. It's the gift of security in a very changeable world. Even a private school education doesn't confer that because they might not want or get the big bucks jobs that would get you secure housing in your 20's.,

For better or worse, it is a levelling up phenomenon. Private secondaries have been seen to be worthwhile because the extra attention, both in terms of smaller classes and in terms of the social capital/uni preparation I discussed above, pays off. Private school pupils are admitted to top universities in statistically disproportionate numbers (though once there, those from state schools do better).

In other words, when it comes to university admissions, private schools punch above their weight.

My hunch (as an academic) is that the state school pupils put somewhat less effort into uni prep than private school pupils. I wouldn’t say they revise less, but they have less access to structured revisions sessions and probably private tutoring. Ironically this prepares them better for university.

The reputations of private secondaries and colleges live or die based on pupils’ university placements. In some cases, cultivating the habits of mind to help future students succeed at university may be a lesser consideration.

It is highly unlikely you would ever remotely recoup your costs in added value by paying for private school (eg the child will not make an inflation-adjusted 300k extra earnings and you could never know if they'd have done it anyway in state school).

That said, I am most of the way through paying for private secondary at a similar price point to you and we've done it because it's what we value.

Think of it like buying a car (I loathe and despise cars but they do make a good example). You can buy an old banger, a mid range sensible car or a luxury swankmobile and they all have four wheels and take you places but at different price points. Although the mid range or luxury are probably more reliable than the banger (good state school likely to give you an education but a failing school may actually fail to), the luxury car probably won't give you any more miles of motoring than the bog standard family car. Nevertheless people still buy premium models because it gives them something they care about enough to pay for it

Our kids' school gives them a much more varied set of cultural and musical opportunities than they would get in state and teaches languages that aren't offered in their catchment school that I care about. So I pay the luxury premium because it's worth it to me. For others it might be opportunities to play minority sports and access to better facilities and training. (I pay for badminton courts my bookish nerd children are never going to appreciate!!)

“Obviously the numbers were smaller then, but relative to income they weren't that different”

If your kids left school 14-17 years ago… the numbers would have been very dramatically different compared to income!

Thats the thing - even before VAT average fees were increasing far above inflation every year.

I left school around the same time as your children - the fees are 3x higher at my school today vs when I was there. Wages haven’t even doubled in that time. The cost to income ratio is far, far higher.

I don't pay anything for the badminton courts at my dc's comprehensive.

Hiya,

Can you say a bit more about the experiences and opportunities that your grandchildren have had in private secondary? I'm going to be having the same dilemma as the OP in a few years time! I hope it's ok to ask, I'm fairly new to posting on Mumsnet.