Private school fees- is it worth the £250k?

[SchoolDilemmas123]

AIBU about potential school fees?
I want to send my DS to the local state secondary but my DH wants the private route.

My DS has a place at an independent school for year 7, starting in Sept 2026.
The fees in his first year will be £30,000 (£10,000 per term) plus uniform and trips.
So we are looking at least £250,000 for his education until the end 6th form.

When you put it like that…. It’s an awful
Lot money that might be better spent elsewhere. We could invest the money now and give him £300,000 when he turns 25 for a house deposit for example

There is so much to weigh up! It’s a great school, not a hot house but pretty academic. The school suits him very well. He would thrive there.

we have a ‘good’ state secondary school to consider. Not outstanding, gets very average results. He would hopefully be fine there. I want to send him here with his friends from his state primary.

We can afford the fees but it would eat into our future savings. We live in a normal house, no mortgage, and both work full time.

I don’t know what to do for the best long term.

Anyone else had these considerations? If so how did you reach your decision, and are you happy with it?

YANBU - send him to the state secondary.
YABU - go private

Always choose the school with the best pastoral care and you’ll mostly hear how good a school is, by word of mouth. A happy child will thrive.

This entire platform is a forum for ‘some random’ to ask other randoms their opinion on any subject in the entire world that they choose to discuss.

why are you here? 😂

I’m still 50/50. Decision needs to be made by middle of next week.

thanks for all the useful input, different views and experiences! Lots to think about.

Before deciding, I think it’s worth separating income from savings and looking at both properly.

Are the school fees something you can comfortably cover from your ongoing income without it feeling tight? If so, that’s very different from needing to dip into savings each year.

Then look at what your savings are currently doing. Are they invested and growing? Would using them slow down long-term plans like retirement, property, or other investments? Or would they largely remain intact while fees are paid from income?

It’s also worth thinking about:

• How stable is your income?
• How many years you’d be committing for
• Whether there are other big financial goals coming up
• How comfortable you are with reducing your financial buffer
• Whether you’ve stress-tested things if income dropped

And finally — do you have a financial adviser who can run a proper long-term cashflow plan? Seeing it mapped out over time usually makes the decision much clearer.

At your level, it may not be about affordability so much as priorities and how you want to allocate resources over the long term. Get a financial advisor to do some stress testing for tou.

Really, only you can answer that. I'm in a similar boat (I can afford it, but it's a lot of money!). I drew a flow chart. Mine ended with yes, you can afford it and yes you should go private. Yours may not.
I can still provide DC with a house deposit and probably pay for uni (if they live at home and get jobs for their pocket money). If I couldn't then I wouldn't. I also wouldn't dip into my retirement savings for a school 'upgrade'.

I've mainly seen Indie children do better than state with university offers and eventual careers but I've seen state children do really well and a couple of Indie kids crumble. That was all down to he parents. The successful state ones really pushed their children to think about their futures from an early age. Those who didn't do well from Indies had parents who thought the school would do everything and that an Indie was a straight forward path to the best university and then best jobs. Ultimately all children are finding it really hard to get a job and many are realising university is not the answer. So state or Indie you need to start the conversations early and get them to take ownership of their futures.

I was always state all the way but the new Welfare Bill has me very nervous - how are they going to manage moving all the SEN pupils into mainstream without making a balls up of the education of all pupils? They haven't funded it properly and teachers won't be trained properly. Some schools will be hit worse than others, some are already set up to deal with this but others will struggle. It just makes me really, really uncomfortable to think this could be implemented just as my DC start secondary. I really just want my DC have a happy childhood.

You could start state and see how you get on. Keep a very, very close eye on it. Then you have the option of moving to private by year 9 or even home education. I don't subscribe to children having a full day at school then having to have extra tutoring in the evening just to make up for lack of teaching at a state. That's a horrible environment for any child to have to live in. Evenings are for homework, relaxation and extra curricular.

Can I ask why USA universities aren't as popular? Is it gun related, Trump related or just too expensive (less scholarships)?

Primrose86
Cut off by your parents when you eloped at 22... I definitely want to hear more of your story :-)

But you are right. We have no idea how the World is going to change over the course of our children's lives, as the boomers and gen x exit the stage.

My own, dearly departed parents, would be mystified that people serving coffee have a degree and that average tradesman earns more than the average Dr. Shaping your children and giving them the skills and attitude to succeed is the most important things we can do as parents.

The way the world is I would want to be able to help my children as young adults. If you are absolutely loaded fine but unless the state school is truly dire I would save my money for them when older.

Graduate job market is horrifying. Met a mum whose son went to private school has a good Cambridge degree just graduated … and cannot find work.