Private school fees- is it worth the £250k?

[SchoolDilemmas123]

AIBU about potential school fees?
I want to send my DS to the local state secondary but my DH wants the private route.

My DS has a place at an independent school for year 7, starting in Sept 2026.
The fees in his first year will be £30,000 (£10,000 per term) plus uniform and trips.
So we are looking at least £250,000 for his education until the end 6th form.

When you put it like that…. It’s an awful
Lot money that might be better spent elsewhere. We could invest the money now and give him £300,000 when he turns 25 for a house deposit for example

There is so much to weigh up! It’s a great school, not a hot house but pretty academic. The school suits him very well. He would thrive there.

we have a ‘good’ state secondary school to consider. Not outstanding, gets very average results. He would hopefully be fine there. I want to send him here with his friends from his state primary.

We can afford the fees but it would eat into our future savings. We live in a normal house, no mortgage, and both work full time.

I don’t know what to do for the best long term.

Anyone else had these considerations? If so how did you reach your decision, and are you happy with it?

YANBU - send him to the state secondary.
YABU - go private

DD1 is at private secondary, and despite the fact I hate hate hate paying out so much - I have come to the conclusion that it's the best money I've ever committed to paying. But that's because the school suits her perfectly, it's at the right academic level for her (very high) and we did not get a single school that we had requested in the 'grand state lottery'.

BUT it all depends on the child. DD1's school would be entirely wrong for DD2, and so DD2 is likely headed for state (unless they reject her based on SEN, in which case I'm going to have to ask the council to fund private, so that'll be fun...).

Look at the whole offering, including how much time at school, what extra curriculars are offered, and the stats for how a child like yours actually does at the school.

Our DC is in a prep school but we will be moving to state for secondary. The fees have gone up enormously since he started, not helped recently by rhe addition of VAT to fees, business rates and the NI costs to all businesses. I would have loved to continue but we are priced out now. Our DC has some mild motor difficulties and we have to pay for all therapies ourselves on top as we are not in the state school system. Many Independent schools are struggling and I'm concerned about the long term viability of the sector.

We are lucky to live in catchment for two outstanding grammar schools and will be aiming for one of those.

My kids left school 14-17 years ago and they were privately educated throughout.

I remember sitting down when the first was 4 and doing some sums. Scared the life out of me! So I stopped looking at the big scary numbers and just went for it as I felt in my water that it was worth it. Obviously the numbers were smaller then, but relative to income they weren't that different. It was a massive struggle financially for 15 years, but I never stopped believing it was worth it. And it has been - they are happy adults with good jobs and partners, and I have a huge sense of achievement. I would be much richer financially now if I hadn't made that choice, but I don't think I would be richer in terms of my own satisfaction.

Sorry if that sounds smug but that's been my experience. It may help your thought process?

One option could be to start at state school and save the money for private if it doesn’t work out at the state school. There would be a lot of benefits to that.

Depends on the kid but you can keep private school as an option in your back pocket. I went to comprehensives and I’m just as - if not more - successful than my privately-educated friends.

Doctors can afford it, expect at the start of their careers.

Grandparents pay for a number of the kids at DD1s school. Many of the rest are paying form inheritance, or from current high incomes (City lawyers etc).

We put two children through private high school. It was the best money we ever spent.

Being able to match your child to the right school is priceless. They are only young once, they will only live these years once.

That said, you have to be able to afford it. I think Labour was wrong to put VAT on these schools, if anything parents should have had a tax deduction for the money they were saving the state. I would bring back assisted place schemes.

Its not the school its the child - we have twins, one went to a local high school (he wanted to) and did very well, loved having local friends. In fact I would threaten him if he didn't study I would send him private. The other started in local but ended up in private due to sen needs. Both ended up at russell group uni.

I would post on ed boards asking for feedback on both schools.

You can also do private first and gov for 6th form.

Or gov first and private for sixth form.

I'm in a naice catchment in Scotland and disagree that "violence and disruption is rife" everywhere. Not our experience at all

In our case, I don't think private school would have offered value for money. But it depends hugely what the options are

Too many people have a knee jerk reaction that "private = good, state = terrible"

All of this is perfectly normal in a state secondary school. All local authorities have a music service and it's common for kids to take music lessons in state school. Chess clubs are also commonly found in state secondaries, and they all put on shows and concerts, did you imagine state schools don't have drama and music departments?!

Location is important where are you located?

Could you compromise?

Try the state for 2 years and if it’s not great switch to private for year 9?

Also other kids?

There are so many variables here it's impossible to give a yes/no answer to this question.

It depends on your child: their personality/aptitude/social skills
It depends on your finances and whether you can afford it without causing significant hardship to your family
It depends on what the best alternative is: in many cases the local state alternative is actually going to be better than the local private

I've put my daughter through private secondary. It has been a huge financial millstone around my neck: it's forced me to stay in a job I hate so much it makes me physically ill. I'll probably stick it out until she finishes GCSEs and then send her to state sixth form. It's a huge burden unless you are mega rich so you need to know what you are getting into.

Do I regret it? No: it's a fantastic school: it fits my daughter's personality well: she is anxious and neurodiverse and she is happy and learning well and has good friends and is not bothered by disruptive kids who prevent able kids from learning. It's worth every penny for me for her to be able to avoid the huge problems that many state secondaries local to us face in dealing with the huge wave of SEN and behavioural problems. Would I do it again? Probably, if I had another child (I don't).

But if you have a gregarious, socially able child who is good with the rough and tumble of life and who is academically able it probably isn't worth it.

You have to look at each child and each school on its merits.

My DS is in Y8. Very bright but ND. He's thriving at his 'good' London state school. Behaviour is very good (he says himself he loves that they are strict as it means any low level disruption nipped in the bud before it can escalate. Most of the teaching is engaging, expectations are high and and the SEN and pastoral support (which we rely on a lot) is fantastic. He has great friends, mostly within a few minutes walk.

I don't see what more any private school could offer us - apart from the prestige and connections, I guess, but as others have said, not being super wealthy, there's a fair chance he wouldn't fit in anyway.

Unless my local state options were terrible, and/or we were very well off, I wouldn't consider private.

Op, state 6th forms are generally extremely good. I would say if you’re going to do private yr 9-11, are the most important years. Many of the smaller / local private school offer scholarships as VAT has hit hard. My niece has just started at state 6th and is thriving and my nephew is in year 11 at private. Both started yr 7 at state, but their very good state schools has massive issues at present. Financially it’s been tough on my sis and bro-in-law, and they hadn’t planned on private schools, niece went to private school for yr 10 & 11, nephew from yr9. My niece had some tutoring in the summer holiday as their private school starts the gcse syllabus in yr 9. Dsis and bil have no regrets about their choices….even though they were both very anti private school for many years!

Yeah we are having a similar discussion in our house, would the money be better invested. We have also forked out private since reception, so are weighing up, if a grammar school place or private scholarship isn’t secured, do we invest what we would have spent and gift her flat when she graduates. Not paying London rent is possibly the best gift we could give: but then we think wouldn’t it be more rewarding for DD’s own hard work (albeit underpinned by lots of privilege and opportunity) to buy her the life she wants. We don’t know what we will do, but have 3 more years to kick the concept around…

Depends if you're looking for a good return for your investment (pressure, much?) or for him to have as much of an enjoyable time as possible during his school years.

A study announced 21 Nov 2024 from UCL (the highly regarded University College, London) shows that after adjusting for socio-economic advantage, GCSE results for state and private school pupils are a wash. Private school pupils do a bit better in creative subjects but state pupils do better in core subjects. You know which are more important.

It’s been known for a long time that given identical A level results, state school pupils get better results at university than private school pupils.

Private pupils undeniably have better access to elite universities because of various forms of social capital - particularly interview help, admissions testing preparation, etc. A switched on family can offer the same with private (and school, and publicly available) tuition and coaching, however, for a small fraction of the cost of school fees.

However there is no denying that DC’s attitude to secondary education will be the key driver of their experience. So @Tink3rbell30 asked the most important question: what do they want? To a very shy child, being with friends - at least for a while - may be important. Someone being bullied may want a fresh start. Etc

Private schools are the educational equivalent of a gated community, basically. Keep the oiks out, and pay for the privilege.

I think if you have to ask the question can you afford it or are worried about the fact that you won't be able to do other things then it is a luxury you can't really afford.

I would probably try for the best state school possible and supplement with tutors etc. And 30K pa buys you a lot of mortgage to move to an area with better schools.

I would also remember that there are going to be few people out there who say things like "I spent 500K on private schools and they were crap". Because it makes you look like an idiot.

I must have gone to one of the worst state schools in the country, back in the 80s during the miner's strikes, parents had learning difficulties, so no help there either (I had a wonderful upbringing though, we were very much loved). However, even with the chaotic lessons and the violence that I observed (but never the victim of), I did really well at that school. I sailed through with amazing GCSEs, A-levels, degree and Ph.D. in a stem subject at a Russell group uni, I've had a good career in a cutting -edge tech field. I don't worry about AI taking my job, because I am one of those people who codes the stuff!

So I've never worried about the school my kids go to, I've just sent them to the local one, and same as me, they've flown through the system, doing brilliantly well. Private schools just seem like a total waste of money. You might as well throw £50 notes into a fire from what I can see of it, at least the money would keep you warm.

Definitely save the money for a house deposit instead, much more useful.

I can confirm this was very much the case when I was in private school. A relative was actually almost expelled for selling weed and pills to the locals and other students at about 15, he didn’t get expelled and went on to be very successful, but it was certainly not drug free by any stretch.

I also knew a guy in my year that sold coke, straight out of his dad’s stash, and made an absolute fortune.

I can’t actually think of anyone in my year at school that didn’t experiment with some kind of drug, even the good kids.

I’m not saying private school isn’t worth it, in my opinion it is, but not because it’s a safe haven away from drugs, bullying and violence because it’s absolutely not. All of that happens, it just looks different and gets covered up more.

Personal perspective - I'd say go state!
Aware this is very much based on my own experience, but my brother's and I were all privately educated and I wouldn't say we are better off than if we had been state educated. One joined the military, the rest of us are in jobs earning us between £40-£50k in our 30s.

I also was bullied horrifically in private school and the school never did anything about it. To the point my parents actually pulled me out and I went into a state school for yrs 10 & 11 and had no issues. (aware this can be an issue in state school too, but just demonstrating that paying for schooling doesn't remove this).

I'd go for a decent state and use excess money to provide extra curriculars, tuition etc.

I think this is the best scenario. By then he will know if he is happy at the State school and stays, and if unhappy you can move him. It’s the most fair and balanced option to me.