Am I right to feel hurt over those comments ???

[BeNimblePeachDuck]

Hi everyone,
My husband and I are both 42 and have two boys, 10 and 8. It’s half term this week, so they’ve been at his parents’ and we decided to have a night to ourselves on Friday. He booked a lovely restaurant, enjoyed the phone and we had a great time , we were cackling in the restaurant then we had a few drinks at a bar afterward, and then went home.

We’ve always had a great marriage I really love him, and I think we’ve always been quite “vanilla” in the bedroom. But I thought maybe we could try something different just this once. I suggested a different position instead thinking it might be fun to mix things up.
Instead of being open, he got upset and said he wasn’t going to “degrade his wife,” and asking what was wrong with me. I was shocked and didn’t really know what to say. We carried on, he kissed me on the forehead, went to shower, and then fell asleep.

I keep thinking about it and I feel hurt, confused, and embarrassed. I don’t want to overreact, but I also can’t shake it. I guess I just thought he’d be open to exploring a little, but he’s so closed off. I haven’t told any of my friends because I feel too ashamed. We have frequent sex sometimes 5 times a week and I’d like to try new things I feel confident in my body, my husband and I met at university and back then we explored each other we’d try new things all the time but now he is not interested at all I buy lingerie he says it’s silly, I say maybe we should try role play he says that’s stupid and he just wants me not this.

Is this just a middle aged man thing or should I be worried about my marriage

My bet is she suggested anal, they’ve not discussed that before and he doesn’t want to do it.

im not a hundred percent sure he said those things or in the derogatory way she has written it, just whatever she suggested he feels was degrading and he was trying to tell her he respected her more.

i think she’s embarassed she suggested whatever she suggested.

if she’s unhappy with their sex life, they need to discuss it. But whatever she suggested has taken him aback and clearly not something they’d discussed before,

He has no right calling you those names.He has a sexual hang up somewhere in his psyche imo.
You should be able to talk about trying other things
That’s natural and normal
Sounds like he’s trying to shame you rather than admitting it’s him that’s hung up.

I'm quite shocked by the responses to this OP. I wonder if she's disappeared as it's probably made her feel worse. The fact is that you suggested something and his response to that made you feel like you were shameful for thinking it. Nobody should be doing things they don't want to in bed but nobody should be making anyone else feel ridiculous or shamed for suggesting a different position, especially in such a long relationship. All this 'geez you have sex 5 times a week' stuff is just minimising how OP is feeling. Women should be allowed to talk about what they want in the sack without feeling dirty!

What on earth did you ask him to do if he called you a whore?!

No i dont think thats what most posters are trying to do. Its not one rule for some and another rule for others. She didn't say what she asked him to do, she also only revealed at the end that he called a whole because she was giving the impression his 'vanilla' attitude was the issue and that she had been offended that he said about her not degrading herself which still isnt nice but its not the same as calling your wife a whore.
But you're not wrong in the sense that op hasnt done anything wrong by wanting to try new things with her husband, he has the right to say no but he does not have the right to call her names or be vile to her. That to me is the biggest problem . He has no right to treat op like this.

That is sort of what I’m thinking maybe he’s cheating on me I should just ask him ? This is the only “sign” I just want to ask him if he’s seeing someone else and if he is he can go be with her.

I doubt very much the OP wanted to try anal. That’s quite a jump and I wouldn’t say that’s ’changing positions’. It sounds much more likely that missionary has become the standard and that the OP fancied doggy for example. I doubt she’ll be back though as once the vipers bite most sensible people hide the thread and move on.

Oooh she’s back lol

Smear an avocado on my lower portions!

No it was not anything like that at all

And still not saying what she wanted to do 😂

Huh> as he didn’t want to do what ever you suggested in the bedroom you’re now thinking he’s cheating rather than he just didn’t want to do whatever you suggested.

thays the most insane thing I’ve ever read.

I did not suggest anal I’m unsure where this assumption is coming from.

I think my husband is cheating on me I could be wrong but I didn’t suggest anything crazy but i am always made to feel shame and I’m upset I think I’d be even more upset to find out he’s doing this stuff with another woman.

Im thinking it must have been really outrageous for him to use words like degrading and whore. however whatever you suggested the language he used is completely out of order.

Is he possibly having an affair? Uses the other woman for the 'naughty' stuff type thing?

Just say what it is you asked him to do! There’s nothing to be remotely ashamed of and it is relevant!

I’m bad at explaining over text but there’s more to it that I didn’t really want to put on here as I’m having quite a hard time. I didn’t just wake up and think my husband is cheating on me because he doesn’t want to “degrade me”

Yeah and saying no doesn't involve using the word whore towards your wife...

Blimey. Now he's cheating on you? This is becoming quite a drip feed...

I think the words he used to you are disgraceful OP, whatever you suggested to do. Why on earth would he call you a whore??!!! But what has led you to believe he may be seeing another woman when you are having sex 5 times a week?

No, it's really not insane and several posters have suggested it could be the case. Men often act in this sort of way when they're having an affair, it's been explained several times on here why that's the case.

6 pages and still no mention of what you asked him to do.

I don’t know if he is but maybe he’s getting better sex from someone else. I suggested maybe I get on top or doggy just to change it up a bit I’ve suggested before and he’s had the same sort of response

He's quite a stud if he's having sex with you 5 days a week and has a mistress as well.

That seems like a big leap from what you've told us.

Crikey I thought youd suggested he deep throat you with the cat watching.

He said being on top/doggy is degrading you and called you a whore? Fucking hell 😳

So he allegedly called you a whore and now you suspect cheating, all because he didn’t want to do this mysterious act that you won’t discuss on here.

OP, in all seriousness, I get that it can be disheartening to not get the support you want on here, but going to those extremes when your OP said nothing of the sort does sound like you’re just trying to drum up support now, and that’s pointless if you’re not going to post sincerely.