Wedding invite says “your presence is present enough” but also “we will have a wishing well”

[Sweetunicorn1]

What do you think, my sisters wedding invite says your presence is present enough to us but also if you want to make a contribution there will be a wishing well. Personally, I hate the wishing well thing and don’t think you should put you hand out for people to ‘contribute’ to your wedding. People who want to give you a cash gift (like grandparents and parents) will do so without a wishing well. Also, I just think it seems disingenuous to say “your presence is present enough” but then in the next breath that there’s a wishing well. Pick a lane.

Meh, Asian wedding cards always have the ‘No boxed gifts please’ line.

Don’t be tight, bung her £100 in a card. Especially as you didn’t have a wedding function to invite her to.

Agreed. What a charmer.

That’s such a thoughtful thing to do… hope your wedding is fantastic & you have a happy life going forward!

My guess it’ll be their own ‘Mexican honeymoon charity’!

You need to lighten up.

I've never heard of that rule of thumb. As a family of 6 I would hate to think we were invited to a wedding then had to 'pay our own dinner' via a gift for the privilege.

That's even worse than asking for cash!

It's a very recent invention and complete nonsense. Anyone who has an expectation of a specific amount of money they expect to receive for their wedding is wrong and anyone who thinks there's an amount they have to pay has been suckered into this nonsense about "covering your plate".

It's a really horrible transactional way to look at it.

My husband and myself put a poem in our wedding invites we had already booked and paid for our honeymoon after the wedding but we just asked for money to go towards our spending money it’s really normal because everyone brings a gift or card with money anyways your just making it simple for people we felt tacky asking but wed rather cash than a house full of stuff we already have but won’t use. We booked excursions with the money we got and had a lush time

come now

you boldly asserted that “When people get married…they never mean 'we don’t want gifts’”, despite a significant number of posters stating exactly that.

That you have never been on the receiving end of hospitality without an expectation is sad and if IRL you had told a group of people that didn’t request gifts, that no that wasn’t true and they didn’t mean it - the implication being they were money grabbing and dishonest - I’d absolutely call you unreasonable.

Earnestly I hope in the future you get to surround yourself by better, kinder people people and perhaps if you only give to receive work on being so yourself.

oh and I had a wonderful yesterday thanks - mainly because I spent it with people who are kind, generous and don’t view relationships and attendance at events as purely transactional, quid pro quo affairs.

Our wedding was expensive. Approx £200 per head for the food (good food is important to us so that’s what we chose to splurge on). We explicitly said no gifts/cash in our invitation. I’d have been mortified if people had thought they’d had to ‘pay’ for their dinner… we hosted the wedding and it was our gift to our guests! I think it’s massively grabby to host a celebration for your own benefit then to expect your guests to pay for the cost of their meal by way of cash gifts.

So well said.

I’m constantly amazed by the shear number of posters on MN who seemingly hate everything, are suspicious of everyone, think in purely transactional terms and assume everyone is trying to get one over on them.

a truly depressing way to live.

whats the worst that can happen here? You give your sister £100 and her and her DH use it to buy a bottle of champagne whilst overlooking the sea on their honeymoon and toast their happiness and love alongside an appreciation you made that moment possible. Got to beat a salad bowl and some tongs no?

I distinctly remember some threads on here where people got ripped to shreds for asking fir charity gufts… wring charity, virtue signalling, greed (they obviously want a gift snd a donation) all got mentioned.
People will always find something to object about, and dome people’s greed really shine through in their comments.
Newsflash: people these days get married because they want to. they throw a party because they want to. They generally don’t need to because up for married life, and space is more precious than stuff. People move frequently , stuff for many is an unnecessary burden.

Normally I wouldn't bat an eyelid, but it's your sister?! Grow up and put money in a card. Couldn't care less what the invitation says, you're showing your true colours here.

YANBU OP. My cousin did the same.
They wanted money but didn’t want to say “we want money” so did the “your presence is present enough”. I don’t necessarily agree that everyone will want to bring a gift regardless; I think that was very much the case years ago when people were building a home from scratch and had a wedding list but less so now people are often already living together. I do think people will now feel obligated to put money in the wishing well whether they can manage it or not.

Sister you dont seem happy for your sister ..

NRTFT.

DH were second timers when we married 25 years ago. We really did not want gifts. So we said (we thought we had invented it) that we wanted people’s presence, not their presents, but if they really wanted to mark our marriage with a gift, please would they contribute to one of several charities which we support.

We still got a few presents.

You don’t ask your guests to pay for their own dinner. Well done for being a family of 6.

The "pay for your plate" style of gifting seems naff in the extreme to me.

Your not-so-close flashy mate gets into debt with a 30k wedding! Big gift for you!

Your beloved down to earth friend with a low key wedding and a buffet in a pub? Tenner in the card.

I have always given in proportion to my closeness/relationship, not their spending choices.

Well as someone who had an expensive wedding (no debt, paid cash from our savings) we never expected anyone to pay for their plates. We chose to get married, to host the wedding and to spend the money we spent, it would have been gauche in the extreme to expect people to cover the cost of their plates. As I said, we didn’t expect anything and specified no cash/gifts on the invitation. As it was, no one came empty handed and everything was much appreciated, but I don’t think we received any thing near the cost of the plate from anyone, which is as it should be.

“very clear: nobody is required to bring a gift but if they wish to then they should give cash not random objects, like in most cultures.”

This ^ exactly - don’t overthink it!

Wow, how very judgemental about British people being stingy!
Like many countries, the UK has a vast range of people of different economic backgrounds, perhaps you only hang out with the poorest of the poor

We got married 35 years ago and had a wedding lost at Peter Jones. Some of the gifts have endured. Whenever I use my saucepans, colander, carving set, salt and pepper pots, the swish canteen, the good china, the dartington vases, damask table cloths and napkins, etc., even the bin in our bedroom and the old magazine rack in the drawing room, I think of the people who bought them.

Not so much the glasses, coffee machine, towels and linen, because they haven't endured but I still grateful.

Thank you 😊 @SheThinksShesAllThat

Totally agree. Pay for your plate. Whatever next.

YANBU It's greedy to me while trying to humblebrag and make it look like they aren't being greedy. I mean, just shit or get off the pot. They want money but know it's grabby to ask for it. It's just disingenuous. I would make a comment to her if I were you (or to your mum at least).