Wedding invite says “your presence is present enough” but also “we will have a wishing well”

[Sweetunicorn1]

What do you think, my sisters wedding invite says your presence is present enough to us but also if you want to make a contribution there will be a wishing well. Personally, I hate the wishing well thing and don’t think you should put you hand out for people to ‘contribute’ to your wedding. People who want to give you a cash gift (like grandparents and parents) will do so without a wishing well. Also, I just think it seems disingenuous to say “your presence is present enough” but then in the next breath that there’s a wishing well. Pick a lane.

Yep we had similar - stated on invite specifically that our prescence was enough.

Weekday wedding so 2 days booked off work. Hotel to stay as it was roughly 1 hours drive away.

Then we were presented with a QR code at the evening do by the bride to donate to their honeymoon!!!!

Tbh I was fuming and we didn’t give anything as we literally hadn’t budgeted to with them saying not necessary on the invite

Maybe that's just your opinion and how you would feel, especially since you don't know them. I'm sure they will know their close friends and family may want to give something

Wanting hard cash is very crass!!

Hmmmm so their presence wasn’t enough - you wanted your guests to pay for your honeymoon!!

and before anyone asks - also had an overseas wedding / paid for everything / party at home too plus honeymoon and no gift list / wishing well/ honeymoon “list” !! Omg I can’t even imagine.

Well sorry, but I wouldn't have done all that just to attend a cousins after part in the middle of nowhere. Common sense would tell me to pass. Some people on here just sound nasty, jealous or simply not smart. I just wouldn't have went to all that effort, and if it was someone I truly cared about getting married, then I'd be happy to contribute even if it wasn't much.

Buy them a charity goat and drop the paperwork into the wishing well

Because they don't want people to feel that they have to contribute. It's polite and perhaps they mean it. If they hadn't mentioned the wishing well people would probably contact them to ask what they wanted. So it makes sense to put something down

This

What an unpleasant thing to say. Does being so rude make you feel better?

We had friends who wanted donations via just giving to our local hospice. It was a lovely gesture and people gave generously.
They were obviously in a position where they had been living together and didn’t need gifts.

WOW… you sound like one hell of a sister!!!! Not!!! Firstly what a B*h coming on to mumsnet to slag your own sister off!!! Most people are trying to be polite when saying ‘ having you celebrate with us is enough……. But if you want to contribute then here it is’

Most ( nearly all) people gift money nowadays at weddings!

The rule of thumb is you pay your dinner…. Eg £50pp….. just in case you were wondering what to gift your sister!!!!!!!!!

It’s fine. It’s saying you don’t need to get us anything but if you do here’s how to contribute. I would find it weird not as a guest getting the couple anything.

You sound like a horrible sister though.

my comment was no such thing, but yes I do feel better for challenging your own rude assertion that all brides lie when they say they don’t want gifts.

It’s pretty sad if you haven’t experienced people who host without expecting anything back - or as I said maybe it’s your own perspective to only give to receive, either way money grabbing selfishness is definitely awful behaviour 🤷‍♀️

I think if guests are travelling a long way from overseas to attend a wedding, then their presence really is present enough! Especially with a baby and toddler...

Also, if an invitation says 'no presents, your presence is present enough', I wouldn't give one. Because that was their request. I was not aware that there was an unwritten rule that they were actually expecting cash instead.

If the invite just said 'no gifts, your presence is present enough', why would people contact them to ask them what they wanted?! They've just told all their guests in black and white that they don't want anything!

I don’t see the point in mentioning anything about gifts. The days of buying a kettle and toaster are long gone. A gift should only be mentioned when it’s a charity donation request.
People who want to give money or a gift will without a prompt.

This really made me laugh!!

We said no presents please as we had 2 households to amalgamate.
However we realised pretty quickly that older relatives DID want to give a present so we said we'd PREFER no presents, however if people wished to buy us something we'd be grateful for something that reminded us of the giver, which could be, for example, something old or meaningful that had belonged to them, or something for the garden or something they'd made.

We ended up with lots of plants many grown from cuttings - the lemon honeysuckle for example when flowering always makes me think of the giver, one of my mum's oldest friends, the pair of hibiscus was from one of DH's best friend's parents who he pretty much grew up with. We also had some hand painted glasses (which are very pretty), and an old silver picture frame (which may be valuable but we're not selling, it came from a relative and held a photo of my mother and her cousins in the 1930s) Etc.

Did you expect gifts even though you had 'no gifts'?

I agree I think it's odd to mention anything about gifts/money on an invitation. I was brought up to be grateful for what you did receive.

We had a wishing well and it was great. We were renting a small place so any items would have cluttered the space.

I don’t mind the wording on the invite as it reads to me that a guest can opt to attend and not give to the wishing well or attend and give. It doesn't put pressure on anyone attending to give anything.

What a lovely milestone for your sister, OP. Hope it’s a nice day.

I find it confusing too. I went to a wedding where they said they understood everyone had travelled abroad so no gifts required but if you want to give put money in pur bank account.

We'd spent over £1000 to get there and stay in a hotel so didn't give anything but then felt guilty!

@DancingNotDrowning I wouldn't normally come back to a thread a third time. However I do think it interesting that from my comment on something as simple as wedding etiquette you decide that I need 'challenging' that I am 'sad', that I think all brides 'lie'.. on top of your previous unpleasant comment of which you seem so satisfied. Maybe you were just having a bad day. I suspect you wouldn't talk to people like that irl.

YANBU. Its very contradictory, "your attendance is enough but bonus gifts of cash are accepted at the wishing well..." I need to look up what this is, haha!

I'm planning a wedding and I'm in the camp of not mentioning gifts at all unless someone asks specifically if we have a list, in which case I share a list of things we'd like for our future. But I seem to be in the minority! If someone wants to travel to my wedding and gift me a handmade blanket then it seems so crass to say "we would prefer cash" in advance!

It seems to me the divide on here is between those who are inherently cynical and always on the look out for people, including friends and family who are trying to exploit them. Those people see "we don't need anything but if you want to this would be great as contradictory".

Then there's those of us who make the general assumption that their friends and family aren't grabby arseholes and are therefore happy to take it at face value and see it as genuinely that no present is required or expected but that they understand lots of people will still want to give something so here is a way to make it really easy for you to do that if you want to. No contradiction or offence.

I'm happy I'm in the latter camp.