Wedding invite says “your presence is present enough” but also “we will have a wishing well”

[Sweetunicorn1]

What do you think, my sisters wedding invite says your presence is present enough to us but also if you want to make a contribution there will be a wishing well. Personally, I hate the wishing well thing and don’t think you should put you hand out for people to ‘contribute’ to your wedding. People who want to give you a cash gift (like grandparents and parents) will do so without a wishing well. Also, I just think it seems disingenuous to say “your presence is present enough” but then in the next breath that there’s a wishing well. Pick a lane.

You are right.

I would hate to show up to a wedding and not give anything. A wishing well sounds lovely.

I honestly don’t know why anyone puts anything it’s so cringe. Most people will give some money anyway without you telling them too, ok you might get a few gifts you don’t need or like but who cares ? Let people do what they can afford or feel comfortable with you wouldn’t dictate a birthday present !!

@Sweetunicorn1 YABU because you are not thinking logically.

"Your presence is present enough" only means that a present is not required. It does not mean a present cannot be given.

"We will have a wishing well" means that a present can be given. It does not mean a present is mandatory.

There is no contradiction and you do not understand logic.

Why aren't you contributing to your sister's wedding @Sweetunicorn1 ? I paid for my sister's evening catering and still gave her a gift.

I find that more confusing than an invite saying they don't want gifts.

Hugely common as most people now don't get married until after they have a home together and don't need typical traditional wedding gifts. Wedding gift lists are considered grabby. Asking for anyone who wants to give them something to stick a few pounds in a box is naff. A Bride can't win and it always the bride blamed.

Yeah, the OP isn’t moaning about her sister’s fiancé here is she? Maybe the wording on the invitation was his idea.

I think it’s worded fine, I’ve often seen similar nowadays. i would rather buy from a registry or give cash, can’t see the problem.

The last wedding we went to had an invitation like that. As wedding was 4 hours away. And cost about thousand pounds for the weekend away ( we paid the accommodation for our adult children) .
We didn’t take a gift, we took them at their word!
Before someone says we shouldn’t have gone(DH family) we would have been bad family and talked and complained about.
If it had been my family I would have explained the cost of travelling and accommodation and we wouldn’t have gone but given a large cash gift.

Because people ignore no gifts and the couple end up with 25 silver frames and unwanted bottles of champagne.

100s of threads, even just here, saying couple said no gift, doesn't feel right "oh, get them some champagne or a silver frame"

We said ‘no gifts’ and we’ve just opened the last box of crystal wine glasses, 16 years on 😂. We also got lots of silver picture frames (which we gave to charity as not our style) and a lot of champagne (which I drank!).
ETA we also use a Waterford Crystal bowl we were bought as a place to chuck keys/receipts etc when we walk in the front door. I only recently realised it cost about £250!

It’s not your wedding. Respect their decisions and move on with your life.

I think people look for an excuse to get offended with weddings and that trashing your own sister on MN is pretty poor form. They're damned if they do and damned if they don't. Most people WANT to give something.

id always give cash that at least covered what I could imagine they spend on the meal for us both, so like £150 min as I appreciated that when people did it for our wedding.

You sound difficult and judgey.

Decide how much you we’re going to spend on a gift and put it in the wishing well.

Go along, enjoy spending time with them and anyone else there you love. There are too few occasions to get everyone together, it’s not about you.

You either want to give her a gift or you don't.

She has given you the option of giving a gift or not giving a gift.

Why is it such a big drama?

Why not? People who want to give, we have option for you. People who don't, no worries, we have no expectations. Seems fair enough!

It's very common these days to politely ask for cash if people wish to give a gift, because most people already have homes and everything they need before they get married. I don't see anything wrong with that?!

I'm happy to stick a tenner or a twenty in the envelope (or whatever I would have spent on a gift) so they can enjoy their honeymoon.

If that's what they want, I'm happy to oblige!

What I DON'T like is people who publish lavish wedding lists full of things I can't begin to afford! To me, that is very rude and presumptious!

And to think it's your sister....

Coming from a family of people who love to buy thoughtful gifts (aka shit that people don’t want or need) I completely understand sending an invitation like this. I think there are couples who genuinely wouldn’t mind not receiving gifts however you have to do something to mitigate all those people who say you can’t turn up without a gift. This is the politest way of saying please don’t buy us, wine glasses, kitchen appliances, ornaments, towels etc

People want to give something. And no amount of telling them not to will stop them. So if you'd rather have money than a load of random shite, then you need to say so.

Agree with this. It’s vulgar! And presumptive to mention gifts. We had a list but only gave it to people who asked for it. Some people picked from it, others didn’t, and we had a couple of handmade craft gifts that we treasure to this day. Asking for money is tasteless and grasping.

Wtf is a wishing well anyway?

I don’t get why this bothers you so much. I think it’s perfectly acceptable and actually sensible . It’s corny but not unkind or grabby so why does it matter.

For your sister’s wedding couldn’t you just be pleased for her and accept her choices? Why go onto a SM site and trash her decisions?

People happy to give cash will be giving cash anyway; people who want to give a gift will be offended and may still just give the gift. Classy thing is not to mention anything

Exactly this

The vast, vast majority just give cash these days and you'll never dissuade the mad guest who gives a similar hideous "something" to every couple, so there's really no need to say anything at all

If a few actually ask, that would be the time to mention what you'd really like most, but otherwise just leave people to get on with it and stop treating them like cash cows

My friend came to my son’s wedding offered no gift not even a card so some people do it. I thought it was really rude from people who could easily afford to give something. I couldn’t do it but maybe that’s just me.

I think it's nice. People can give money snonymously if they wish, which is nice if they arwn't wealthy. They will have enough stuff, but with a pool of money they can get something they really need or go on a nice holiday or something.