My head is spinning. Am I in the wrong here or is he?!

[Whataa]

If I say to DP anything with the word ‘if’ in it, he says im threatening him.

Examples are, i’ll say ‘if we can’t organise the holiday asap then i will need to move the dates for work and we’ll have to cancel these suggested dates.’

the context is always dp dragging his feet with something and causing a knock on effect of stress in my life and for DS as nothing is organised. Is it threatening for me to say this in response?

He's either very dis-organised or he's passive aggressive.
That's draining.

If you have children, try couple counselling if not, file for divorce.

I have this (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) in my family. My sister and my niece especially. DDad used to give my sister a lift to work and every day he was reduced to tears of frustration trying to get her out of bed so he started to roll off when the pips went at seven AM. She still missed her lift regularly but he stopped pandering to her at least and took some control back. Of course it was his fault when she lost her job!

Yes, I wondered this too. However, he also sounds like a bit of a twat!!

Not sure about threatening, but it highlights there will be a consequence. Which is true, though, mostly for you.

Has he, can he, suggested a way for him that would work better? To get the desired outcome?

Go without him… 🤷‍♀️

Also this!

Honestly I’d be asking him ‘have you booked your annual leave yet?’ I’d ask him every day for a week… then if he still hasn’t I’d book a holiday and tell him you’ve booked a week away without him.

Oh Dear Christ, surely life is too short for this silly nonsense!!

He is jerking your strings like a puppeteer, OP.
I've never known someone “ban” totally normal conversational & inoffensive words because they’re “feeling threatened”, it’s utter rubbish!

You are being controlled in a manipulative way, he thinks he’s outwitting you by not allowing you to use certain words… unbelievable!

He would be getting a couple of words from me he wouldn’t like…

The second of these words would be OFF.

You’re wet!

OP tell him you’re booking it and going without him if he doesn’t get himself into gear by the weekend.
THAT is threatening him.

If you don’t watch out OP you’ll be carrying him through life like a child.
He’s being manipulative by procrastinating.

🤦‍♀️