To end my two friendships over this? (Pregnancy)

[Fluffymop]

I recently found out I was pregnant, and although I’m only 7 weeks I’m excited. No cramping and no blood or anything. So far so good.

i have two best friends. (They don’t know each other)- but both have reacted terribly.

My first friend has reacted the strangest. I told her because we talk every single day, do things together often and my partner works away and family are quite far, so thought it would be good for someone to know. I’ve been there for her through everything, break ups, her dad’s illness, driving to hospitals at 4am, lent her money when she’s been short. Helped her move house.

So when I told her her first comment was “well don’t get attached as there’s a 50% likelihood you’ll miscarry” so I agreed, though don’t believe it’s that high, but said that of course I’ll be cautious until 12 weeks. She then proceeded to ignore me for 9 days. We usually speak daily on WhatsApp. I didn’t actually mind the peace but then she sent me a long message saying that I had basically ruined her life. She wants children (she’s in a brand new relationship). She can’t control her emotions or anger towards my situation and will be fine as long as baby is never mentioned. That she can’t put into words how she feels but she isn’t pleased at all. She just kept saying repeatedly she’s struggling with her emotions.

She has never struggled with infertility or anything and has been on birth control for the last fifteen years. Of course, if this was the case then I’d have been more sensitive. There’s no reason to suggest she couldn’t fall next month. I now feel just bitter and upset towards her. And made to feel guilty for being pregnant even though I’m a woman in her mid thirties and own my own home etc.

Next friend, bit more understandable. She had an ectopic 17 years ago. I had to tell her as we had a holiday to the US booked two weeks after my expected due date. She was fine but said that she wouldn’t be able to speak to me until baby is here. I sadly said that’s fine and have given her space.

but I just feel upset. I’m not expecting anyone to jump for joy. End of the day nobody is really excited for a baby other than family, but I’ve stuck by these two people through thick and thin. I’ve been there at 4am through breakups, driven hours to pick them up places, just always been a loyal and good friend and both have cut me out because I’m pregnant. We are mid 30’s by the way.

It’s making me feel like even if I go to my 12 week scan and my pregnancy isn’t successful. I dont want to be their friends anymore? AIBU?

I have to admit I recently ghosted my pregnant sister after I had a stillbirth a few months ago and she said nothing as did dm even when I broke down in tears when with dm and had to go home she then didn’t call or message to check I was ok ? 5 weeks later I said to her ‘don’t bother to tell me when sister has her baby’ I blocked them all

First of all congratulations. Secondly, your friends at this moment aren't being your friends. I can't believe friends number 1, told you the percentage re miscarry, how inappropriate. 2nd friend might struggle due to struggle to conceive, and may need to step back for a while, but to say she won't be in touch until baby had arrived is hard on you, but maybe the only way they can cope. But saying all that I would hope if that was my situation I'd be supportive to you & then cry when I was on my own. Neither of these friends at this moment are going to be there for you, remember that in the future, when they expect you to support them.
Good luck again & I hope everything goes great for you.

Both acting completely out of order

I suffered from infertility for a few years and of course in that time people around me got pregnant. Was I happy for them! Yes. Was I sad for me? Absolutely! did I have to odd crying moment privately? yep.

but I didn’t act any different around them and never made them feel anything other than joyful to be pregnant. Just made me want my babies more and they turned up eventually. Good friends don’t do drama.

wishing you a healthy pregnancy.

Firstly, congratulations. Secondly, this is unbelievable behaviour by your "friends". As someone who struggled to get pregnant (I had 5 miscarriages, including an ectopic), I can't understand where they're coming from at all. I had so many friends and family around me get pregnant when we were trying, but I can hand on heart say I never felt anything but happy for them. It's not like there's a set quota of babies - just because they're pregnant, it's not like it reduces my chances further! Also, the energy you put out in the world is what will come back to you. You can't be annoyed because someone is having a baby and you're not! I ended up with 2 healthy kids :)

Ditch them. You're all adults. This isn't adult behaviour. Surround yourself with positive people.

This is just awful 😞 they don’t sound like friends at all 🥺

Hi all, thanks for your replies I’ve read them and taken them all in. Friend 1 actually sent a message today saying I was nasty, because I said she doesn’t know if she is having infertility as she’s never tried for a baby. She said I should reassure her and check in on her just in case she could have infertility even though we don’t know for sure and she isn’t planning on having babies anytime soon so we will never know? She just said her periods have been sporadic since she came off the pill and has moved into the coil. I don’t think that counts as infertility but I don’t know. I also don’t have the time to constantly check in and reassure her over my pregnancy because she may have infertility but doesn’t know! It’s bonkers.

That update is crazy. She's batshit crazy. Let her be, I wouldn't engage further and add fuel to the fire.

Friend number one is being cunt with a capital C 💯
I would wave her goodbye 👋

I think you need to block her. You don’t need the stress right now

She's horrible and she's actively trying to upset you. That's not a mate.

I think they’ve shown their true colours and you should distance yourself now. You don’t need this craziness.

what on earth is she on about! She’s not even ttc and she’s trying to get attention back on her. Mad.

block her and have some calm in your life. Super sad though.

In your position I would cut both of them out of my life immediately. A friend who can't be happy for you is not really a friend.

@Fluffymop I can't believe what I've read. 😤
How on earth did you stay friends all these years? (I'm guessing the effort was all yours).

I do wonder if you are a bit desperate to please/lack self-esteem because you might have been in unhealthy friendships with those two / attract self-centred people. Now is a good time to start building your circle. Look for pregnancy support groups, new parent/parenting groups, start looking for mum/baby social meet-ups, find a doula, mid-wife and nanny. Definitely don't contact the other two. They're not friends.

Your update.. Good lord, I can't believe this friend. She wants you to discuss her hypothetical infertility when you have just announced your pregnancy! It's like she is trying to twist the attention back to herself. Even if she was ttc or had difficulty conceiving, she still should be parking her own issues for a while and fussing over her friend.

Ditch these pair of bitches. Self absorbed much?? Honestly I think people are getting too used to being told to put themselves first etc as its ending up with a world of people who think they can just be downright rude. The first friend...WTH saying that to you. Plain nasty. Phase this pair out and look forward to the arrival of your little one and hopefully some new friends. Join pregnancy yoga or something similar to make some new normal friends! Congratulations 🎊

They both sound a sandwich short. Please get rid of them.

I read a post once that said don't rely on those who are there for you in bad times, but those who celebrate your good times. And I think this is basically what is happening for you here.... they cant be happy for you! I've been in situations where my friends have announced good news and I've cried my eyes out in private because my life wasn't at that stage as much as I wished it was.... but I was utterly delighted for my friends every single time! If they can't be happy for you, cut them off now before they come with fake excitement and happiness to meet your baby.

If that's the state of Sisterhood today, .... women are screwed.

Some people always manage to make any situation about them.

These two aren't your friends. Genuine, good friends would be pleased for you.

Ditch them and don't look back.

Oh and congratulations! ❤️

Congratulations, this is such an exciting time. Please block and delete those ladies numbers they are not your friends. All the best in your pregnancy.

You'll find new friends who have children and will have things in common. Your first friend sounds absolutely awful. What a selfish person.

Get rid. You don’t want people like this in your family’s life. What if they are mean to your child?

This. 100%!

@Fluffymop Congratulations. I hope all does go well.

Surely you already have massive ick?! They’ve shown you where they place you in their lives, they’re lack of own emotional regulation and maturity.

They can both f^*% off!!

It gets worse!!! 😂 WTAF?!

I am glad that you also see its bonkers, @Fluffymop !!