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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To end my two friendships over this? (Pregnancy)

349 replies

Fluffymop · 14/02/2026 12:44

I recently found out I was pregnant, and although I’m only 7 weeks I’m excited. No cramping and no blood or anything. So far so good.

i have two best friends. (They don’t know each other)- but both have reacted terribly.

My first friend has reacted the strangest. I told her because we talk every single day, do things together often and my partner works away and family are quite far, so thought it would be good for someone to know. I’ve been there for her through everything, break ups, her dad’s illness, driving to hospitals at 4am, lent her money when she’s been short. Helped her move house.

So when I told her her first comment was “well don’t get attached as there’s a 50% likelihood you’ll miscarry” so I agreed, though don’t believe it’s that high, but said that of course I’ll be cautious until 12 weeks. She then proceeded to ignore me for 9 days. We usually speak daily on WhatsApp. I didn’t actually mind the peace but then she sent me a long message saying that I had basically ruined her life. She wants children (she’s in a brand new relationship). She can’t control her emotions or anger towards my situation and will be fine as long as baby is never mentioned. That she can’t put into words how she feels but she isn’t pleased at all. She just kept saying repeatedly she’s struggling with her emotions.

She has never struggled with infertility or anything and has been on birth control for the last fifteen years. Of course, if this was the case then I’d have been more sensitive. There’s no reason to suggest she couldn’t fall next month. I now feel just bitter and upset towards her. And made to feel guilty for being pregnant even though I’m a woman in her mid thirties and own my own home etc.

Next friend, bit more understandable. She had an ectopic 17 years ago. I had to tell her as we had a holiday to the US booked two weeks after my expected due date. She was fine but said that she wouldn’t be able to speak to me until baby is here. I sadly said that’s fine and have given her space.

but I just feel upset. I’m not expecting anyone to jump for joy. End of the day nobody is really excited for a baby other than family, but I’ve stuck by these two people through thick and thin. I’ve been there at 4am through breakups, driven hours to pick them up places, just always been a loyal and good friend and both have cut me out because I’m pregnant. We are mid 30’s by the way.

It’s making me feel like even if I go to my 12 week scan and my pregnancy isn’t successful. I dont want to be their friends anymore? AIBU?

OP posts:
Greennuttysmoothie · 15/02/2026 18:21

Congratulations OP. Enjoy your pregnancy and definitely make new friends. Those two are not them.

Sheepsmellnice · 15/02/2026 18:28

What horrible people they are .Dump them

Jubelle · 15/02/2026 18:32

Absolutely vile they are, I would block and enjoy your pregnancy, do not give a seconds more headspace. The 3 percent who think it's not unreasonable are just as crazy as them. Congratulations ❤️

cocog · 15/02/2026 18:47

They are both being spitefully unreasonable they are both just jealous and can’t be happy for you spend your time with people who care about you. Congratulations on your pregnancy it’s lovely news and people who love you will be over the moon.

MaddestGranny · 15/02/2026 19:02

DitzyDerbyBabe86 · 14/02/2026 12:46

Ditch them both. They sound horrible.

they may not be actually horrible, but they've shown you who they are. So, yes, I'd quietly ex- them. When you've been the friend who has responded to their need(s) and they show no signs whatever of stumping up when reciprocation is required - they're not your friends. Sad. Hope you'll find friends who deserved your friendship more. I hope you have a healthy/safe pregnancy and joyful outcome.

Mumoftwoandcats · 15/02/2026 19:07

What a shame your best friends cant be happy for you. Ditch the pair of them. I met my current best friends at my anti-natal classes, I hope you can make some new friends, possibly those pregnant at the same time as you, who can be supportive and become life long pals. Good luck.

DaringlyDizzy · 15/02/2026 19:11

Christ they are awful!!!

BlackRowan · 15/02/2026 19:19

They are both assholes, sorry

Parsleyforme · 15/02/2026 19:21

The second one is a little bit more understandable, but still not particularly kind or friend-like. The first one sounds awful. I think it’s fine to be a bit jealous/sad etc. but these are feelings that you deal with privately and you show excitement for your friend, you don’t tell that friend about your bad feelings or rain on their parade (to put it very lightly!!). I’m sure you will make some great mum friends during your pregnancy and they will give you the support you deserve!

Pessismistic · 15/02/2026 19:25

Op first friend is a bitch you don’t say what she said you say oh right hope it all goes well then bitch with someone else if that’s how you feel. Op the other one is pathetic just send them both messages and say hey u I’ve decided as your not happy for me your not really the good friend I thought you were so pregnant or not I’m out. You’re being selfish and I don’t need friends like this. Goodbye.

Bikergran · 15/02/2026 19:32

@Fluffymop I am so sorry they have reacted like this. I am thrilled for you and hope everything goes well. IMHO, they are both being very unpleasant. I have had miscarriages, and yes, it hurts to see new babies when that is fresh in your mind, but it wouldn't stop me being happy for a friend who conceived. Find better friends 🙂

VillyFuff2022 · 15/02/2026 19:33

My guess is that you’ve been so available to them and an unbelievably wonderful friend that they feel threatened. They will come round after the jealousy/bitterness and embarrassment of their behaviour dies down. It’s not you or your baby, they just don’t want to not have all the perks of your friendship. I’m happy for you 👩‍🍼 congratulations 🥰

mrsCtheRed · 15/02/2026 19:41

Oh OP, I feel for you. Your "friends" sound like a pair of ghouls.

For your own happiness I would ditch the pair of them.
They are being selfish and nasty, and spoiling what should be a lovely time for you.

sunflowerdaisies · 15/02/2026 19:49

It’s not remotely unreasonable to expect your friends to be happy for you, and I do get excited for my friends and love their children. I hope you have some nicer friends too. Congratulations!

sunshinestar1986 · 15/02/2026 20:06

Fluffymop · 14/02/2026 12:44

I recently found out I was pregnant, and although I’m only 7 weeks I’m excited. No cramping and no blood or anything. So far so good.

i have two best friends. (They don’t know each other)- but both have reacted terribly.

My first friend has reacted the strangest. I told her because we talk every single day, do things together often and my partner works away and family are quite far, so thought it would be good for someone to know. I’ve been there for her through everything, break ups, her dad’s illness, driving to hospitals at 4am, lent her money when she’s been short. Helped her move house.

So when I told her her first comment was “well don’t get attached as there’s a 50% likelihood you’ll miscarry” so I agreed, though don’t believe it’s that high, but said that of course I’ll be cautious until 12 weeks. She then proceeded to ignore me for 9 days. We usually speak daily on WhatsApp. I didn’t actually mind the peace but then she sent me a long message saying that I had basically ruined her life. She wants children (she’s in a brand new relationship). She can’t control her emotions or anger towards my situation and will be fine as long as baby is never mentioned. That she can’t put into words how she feels but she isn’t pleased at all. She just kept saying repeatedly she’s struggling with her emotions.

She has never struggled with infertility or anything and has been on birth control for the last fifteen years. Of course, if this was the case then I’d have been more sensitive. There’s no reason to suggest she couldn’t fall next month. I now feel just bitter and upset towards her. And made to feel guilty for being pregnant even though I’m a woman in her mid thirties and own my own home etc.

Next friend, bit more understandable. She had an ectopic 17 years ago. I had to tell her as we had a holiday to the US booked two weeks after my expected due date. She was fine but said that she wouldn’t be able to speak to me until baby is here. I sadly said that’s fine and have given her space.

but I just feel upset. I’m not expecting anyone to jump for joy. End of the day nobody is really excited for a baby other than family, but I’ve stuck by these two people through thick and thin. I’ve been there at 4am through breakups, driven hours to pick them up places, just always been a loyal and good friend and both have cut me out because I’m pregnant. We are mid 30’s by the way.

It’s making me feel like even if I go to my 12 week scan and my pregnancy isn’t successful. I dont want to be their friends anymore? AIBU?

Are people really like this in real life
How bizaare and very selfish and envious of them
So sad

Greeeg · 15/02/2026 20:20

They're both f**ing weird, nasty & entitled.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Don't let them ruin this for you xxx

Mumof3delights · 15/02/2026 20:29

Many congratulations!!! I wish you well with your pregnancy. By the sounds of it this is your first pregnancy. If neither one of your best friends can’t be happy for you I wouldn’t bother with them. They’re not truly friends are they. I couldn’t keep my friends away when I was pregnant even a friend who couldn’t have children was super excited for me all the way through my pregnancies. Even the ones I lost. In friendship you celebrate everything joyous and support all things negative. Once bay is here there are bay clubs you can go to then in time nurseries and school where you will make other friends so it’s not a loss. Besides, once you hold your baby in your arms for the first time you’re full of so much emotion that you don’t want to function in the real world. You want to stay in the new baby bubble for as long as possible. Enjoy your pregnancy and once passed the 12 week stage talk about it as much as you want. Although hubby announced our pregnancy when we had an early scan at 7 weeks to check viability (after miscarriage) we were told our bay had a strong heartbeat and was a viable pregnancy so everyone knew when we were 7 weeks along. Made it a very long pregnancy but I wouldn’t change it for the world xx

TheAngryPuxie · 15/02/2026 20:34

Sounds like they're both jealous, but they shouldn't react like that. They could explain that it's painful for them, but, even then, they should at least try to act pleased for you. Soubds odd to me.

vaultgirl101 · 15/02/2026 20:40

Whilst I’m sure everyone could empathise with a friend who had suffered infertility/ miscarriage or child loss - a close friend telling you their happy, life changing news should be met with well wishes and kindness.

We all have our own experiences and grief, but the world and people in it keep moving and changing. It’s just a simple fact of life.

If these two women can’t even be civil or wish you well, they are not your friends and do not care about anything outside of their own heads. It’s incredibly selfish and unkind.

A few years ago, I made a conscious decision to surround myself with people who brought positivity into my life (and I hope that I would do the same for them). If you don’t mutually bring joy, warmth and support to your relationship - you don’t actually have anything to build a relationship on.

These people have shown their true selves. I’m sorry to say their care lies solely with themselves and not you.

ThisAutumnTown · 15/02/2026 20:42

They are unsupportive, self-centred bitches and them going is no great loss to you.
join some pregnancy groups and meet some lovely mummies-to-be who will be thrilled for you and you can enjoy this experience together!

SexyFrenchDepression · 15/02/2026 20:48

They are both being awful. I understand that 2nd friend had issues but I still don't think her reaction is reasonable. My lovely friend had IVF and eventually had a baby, they tried again until they couldnt any longer and had to give up. I was so worried about telling her however she was so happy for me, her feelings about her own fertility problems never made her not happy for her close friends. The 1st friend is being absolutely hideous, so so selfish!! You deserve better OP.

PeppyAmberHedgehog · 15/02/2026 20:49

I think this frees you up to make lots of lovely mum friends and I wouldn't look back. They would probably have been selfish enough to demand your baby free time.

Snaletrale · 15/02/2026 20:51

I think you’ve all fallen into roles within your friendships. They are the needy ones and you are the rescuer who is always there for them. They are used to being the centre of attention and you orbiting round them attending to them.

Your pregnancy has made them both realise things will change and they don’t like it.

FunnyOrca · 15/02/2026 21:02

This is a divisive time in your life. Mid-thirties and no children is either a choice or a difficult place for a lot of women.

You don’t have to stay friends with either of them.

If you are looking for explanation, I might assume friend 1 wants kids and is upset to not be in a long term relationship by her mid-thirties. Her response is not about you or your baby, it’s internal demons.

Friend 2 may well have lost the choice with her ectopic. They can cause loss of ovaries or scaring that prevents ovulation. Her saying she might not want kids could be a defence mechanism. Again, her response is about her situation, not you. It would be interesting if you know how she has reacted to other friends’ pregnancies.

I got pregnant first time at 31 and was very sensitive to the fact that a lot of my friends were not in a position (relationship, financially, career wise) to get pregnant and that they would feel their clocks ticking. It was true and a couple of friends gave me a lot of space while pregnant. Once the baby arrived it seemed easier for them to be happy (and one got pregnant!)

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 15/02/2026 21:05

Awful behaviour OP!!! I feel really sad for you.

first friend - wtf! Why is she making it about her.
second one - ectopic was 17 years ago. I’m sure it was traumatic but as a friend you can still be happy for someone.

cancel the holiday and don’t give her any money.

ditch them both

congratulations!! I hope it goes smoothly and you make some lovely new friends.

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