one holiday too many?

[robbys82]

Quite a long one here. I'll try to be succinct.
am I unreasonable to try to have the same summer holiday with my brother/sister again? sister has a summer villa in France that we can visit for no cost. ⁹and I want to go again this summer but partner does not.

we went last summer, and 3 and 4 years before. I accept it's repetitive, and also in a very quiet area of France, but it's also really cheap, has a pool, and our 2 boys (6 and 8) love the time with their cousins ( and want to go again). it's for 2 weeks. but partner will be working for 1. so I suggest they join us for the 2nd week only .

For context, my partner and I both get decent summer holidays and wage. but I am part time (3 days a week compared to 5) . partner earns approx double (25 Vs 50). I do absolutely all the house care and child care. but I want to see my family in the summer (brother lives in Canada and this is the time he can visit each year and sister lives away and is usually working).

dh says he doesn't want to spend so long away from our boys and doesn't want to go again to France. but I'd argue that he will be working anyway for 1 week in uk (and it's only 8 days that he would have to be there in France afterwards). I should also say that there is a 4 week gap beforehand when we are both off work ( and the school holidays for the kids) where I would be willing to go along with any other holiday plans whatsoever.

am I being unreasonable to go ahead and book flights? ultimately, can I insist on 14 days that I dictate in the year and just take the boys away? or should I take a year off from seeing my brother and stay at home wishing we were there, while my partner works each day? I doubt there could be anything in the middle

Right.

I hate this . He doesn't want to go so you can't . Is he offering any exciting alternative. So he does not want to go long without seeing them. Well then after work the ONLY thing he can do is totally engage with them until bed . No TV , no pint with the lads , no running or hobbies . How does that idea grab him ?
I would definitely go OP maybe just a week + though .

He’s perfectly able to do with family money what he wants too.

He doesn't want the whole 2 weeks away from them, did you not get that? This is why it isn't a compromise.

You're trying to blur the point here, but whether or not you think he should put up with them being away for a fortnight is not the same thing as whether a week is a compromise or not.

It’s not fair that you can’t see your family just because he doesn’t want to, if money and another family holiday is no issue.
It’s also not on that he can’t be without his kids for two weeks, therefore denying them a good time with their cousins, in the holidays when he would be working.

So selfish and this would be a hill I’d die on. You shouldn’t insist he comes for one week though. He doesn’t need to go at all.
You go for a fortnight. You go on holiday as a family to wherever he wants.

If he was 2 then being away from family for 2 weeks might be a fair argument.

As an adult male it’s a non-starter.

His selfishness and desire to deprive his kids of a beneficial experience does not wash.

Hopefully this means you're no longer trying to argue that the full 2 weeks is a compromise.

Sorry... are you his bank manager 😂😂
Or just making crap up to fit the narrative

You’re the one who complained about OP’s use of family money. Do keep up with your own argument.

Because she set out how they are paid... she never said he's spent anything?

Yiur smart comments don't make sense ya dope

??

Why can’t they come to you first a change? (Even if just for a week then the other week in France) I wouldn’t like to be away from my DC for such a long time either.

OP

This isn’t a dynamic that I’d want to be in. It would really make me sad to have a husband who was so utterly selfish.

“Hi Brother. My husband won’t let me come on holiday to the villa with a pool in France this year. Could you change your flights and pay for an AirBnB in stoke so that I can see you?”

exactly

Personally I would go for one weeks with the kids without dh and one week somewhere else with your family ie dh and kids.

What's wrong with it though besides you wanting to go to france 😂

Would your brother rather see you in the UK or not see you at all

Brother, nephews, nieces, sister, her, their kids all want to go to France.
Vs her husband, who doesn’t want to, nor is he being forced to.

I imagine if he was insisting on taking the kids away for 2 weeks with his family without the wife then the response on here would be unanimously critical of him.

OP is not insisting on taking the kids away without him he’s insisting on not going! She’d like him to go I’m sure they all would.

I would say exactly the same if it was the wife being dog in the manger.

Yeah so her entire family want to make decisions that affect him....

If the OP really wanted to go and see her family she could compromise by saying 1 week. But she's too pigheaded she needs 2 weeks and either he goes or doesn't see his kids?

Dont compromise.

He does fuck all around the house or with the kids most of the time because of his big man job, so why should he get to dictate the holidays.

Stop letting him use you like a maid. You work too, kids and housework are also his responsibility

That’s not even necessary given the amount of holiday they both have.

They could have 2 weeks in Spain as a family and OP and her kids could spend 2 weeks in France.

His big man job that pays the bills?

Coupled with the selfishness at home - OP is working 3/5 of his days yet she is doing all domestic work and child care - this selfishness is not a one off unfortunately - it’s his MO.