Page 8 | one holiday too many?

robbys82 · 2026-02-13T21:57:55+00:00

Quite a long one here. I'll try to be succinct. am I unreasonable to try to have the same summer holiday with my brother/sister again? sister has a summer villa in France that we can visit for no cost. ⁹and I want to go again this summer but partner does not. we went last summer, and 3 and 4 years before. I accept it's repetitive, and also in a very quiet area of France, but it's also really cheap, has a pool, and our 2 boys (6 and 8) love the time with their cousins ( and want to go again). it's for 2 weeks. but partner will be working for 1. so I suggest they join us for the 2nd week only . For context, my partner and I both get decent summer holidays and wage. but I am part time (3 days a week compared to 5) . partner earns approx double (25 Vs 50). I do absolutely all the house care and child care. but I want to see my family in the summer (brother lives in Canada and this is the time he can visit each year and sister lives away and is usually working). dh says he doesn't want to spend so long away from our boys and doesn't want to go again to France. but I'd argue that he will be working anyway for 1 week in uk (and it's only 8 days that he would have to be there in France afterwards). I should also say that there is a 4 week gap beforehand when we are both off work ( and the school holidays for the kids) where I would be willing to go along with any other holiday plans whatsoever. am I being unreasonable to go ahead and book flights? ultimately, can I insist on 14 days that I dictate in the year and just take the boys away? or should I take a year off from seeing my brother and stay at home wishing we were there, while my partner works each day? I doubt there could be anything in the middle

Pippa99999 · 14/02/2026 16:03

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 15:14

If it was every year, two weeks would be fine. In fact, if they really loved it, I would most likely be ok with the whole 6 weeks holiday.

They’re having fun, being well looked after and spending time with relatives they don’t get to see very often.

Who could begrudge their kids that?

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Packing my kids off for 6 weeks without me is definitely not something I’d be that keen on. But each to their own.

Pippa99999 · 14/02/2026 16:06

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 14/02/2026 15:15

It’s also clear he doesn’t want his wife and kids to go away for 2 weeks without him

He said that in response to meeting them after a week. So he feels a week away from them is too long.

You're determined she's in the wrong here. In laws or not, his wife and kids have the option of an almost free holiday, with people they love, and he's saying no.

You're just trying to defend him because you've started digging.

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Not really trying to defend him. I’ve been very clear that the I think the right compromise is they go for a week while he’s working. I also said that if he is against that then he’s being very unreasonable / controlling. OP has said she can’t see any other option than 2 weeks. She’s not looking to compromise either - which is also unreasonable.

There is a clear and obvious route forward that needs to be suggested.

Original poster

robbys82 · 14/02/2026 16:12

I apologise that I didn't make things very clear ( was a bit late last night when I posted)

I also see that a consensus seems to be that 2 weeks is too much to ask for him to spend with in laws. but it would only be 1 week for him , 2 for me and the kids. he is working for the first week.

there are 4 weeks prior to this in the school holidays that I've said we can go anywhere he wishes for a family holiday just us 4. we can afford this.

so it does come down to me wanting more than a single week in France with my family, especially knowing that I would then come home with the kids and spend a week at home before the kids go back to school - because he doesn't want to join us for the second week and doesn't want to be away from the boys so long ( but won't join us)

hope this clarifies things

OP posts:

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 16:18

robbys82 · 14/02/2026 16:12

I apologise that I didn't make things very clear ( was a bit late last night when I posted)

I also see that a consensus seems to be that 2 weeks is too much to ask for him to spend with in laws. but it would only be 1 week for him , 2 for me and the kids. he is working for the first week.

there are 4 weeks prior to this in the school holidays that I've said we can go anywhere he wishes for a family holiday just us 4. we can afford this.

so it does come down to me wanting more than a single week in France with my family, especially knowing that I would then come home with the kids and spend a week at home before the kids go back to school - because he doesn't want to join us for the second week and doesn't want to be away from the boys so long ( but won't join us)

hope this clarifies things

Is he controlling in others areas?

BudgetBuster · 14/02/2026 16:18

robbys82 · 14/02/2026 16:12

I apologise that I didn't make things very clear ( was a bit late last night when I posted)

I also see that a consensus seems to be that 2 weeks is too much to ask for him to spend with in laws. but it would only be 1 week for him , 2 for me and the kids. he is working for the first week.

there are 4 weeks prior to this in the school holidays that I've said we can go anywhere he wishes for a family holiday just us 4. we can afford this.

so it does come down to me wanting more than a single week in France with my family, especially knowing that I would then come home with the kids and spend a week at home before the kids go back to school - because he doesn't want to join us for the second week and doesn't want to be away from the boys so long ( but won't join us)

hope this clarifies things

But why can't you just go on a family holiday all of you... without you family? You seem to holiday with them alot! I'd be annoyed too

Aluna · 14/02/2026 16:20

If you tell him to book a family holiday of his choice somewhere and you go to France for 2 weeks with the kids to see your family - what does he say?

Aluna · 14/02/2026 16:21

BudgetBuster · 14/02/2026 16:18

But why can't you just go on a family holiday all of you... without you family? You seem to holiday with them alot! I'd be annoyed too

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They can! But OP and her kids have the opportunity to spend time with her family as well.

CommonlyKnownAs · 14/02/2026 16:21

robbys82 · 14/02/2026 16:12

I apologise that I didn't make things very clear ( was a bit late last night when I posted)

I also see that a consensus seems to be that 2 weeks is too much to ask for him to spend with in laws. but it would only be 1 week for him , 2 for me and the kids. he is working for the first week.

there are 4 weeks prior to this in the school holidays that I've said we can go anywhere he wishes for a family holiday just us 4. we can afford this.

so it does come down to me wanting more than a single week in France with my family, especially knowing that I would then come home with the kids and spend a week at home before the kids go back to school - because he doesn't want to join us for the second week and doesn't want to be away from the boys so long ( but won't join us)

hope this clarifies things

It does.

In which case I think YABU. The compromise option is for you and the kids to do a week in France, and him to suck up missing them for that amount of time.

Aluna · 14/02/2026 16:24

CommonlyKnownAs · 14/02/2026 16:21

It does.

In which case I think YABU. The compromise option is for you and the kids to do a week in France, and him to suck up missing them for that amount of time.

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No. The compromise is 2 holidays - one of DH’s choosing and the other of OP and the boys’ choosing.

There’s no earthly reason to pull OP and the kids home a week early - from one side of the family they only get to see once a year - just for DH’s selfishness.

BudgetBuster · 14/02/2026 16:29

Aluna · 14/02/2026 16:21

They can! But OP and her kids have the opportunity to spend time with her family as well.

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The OP says they can afford it.... maybe he disagrees. They holiday with her family LOADS! If there truly is no financial issue then why can't the OP just be happy to go for one week?

BudgetBuster · 14/02/2026 16:30

Aluna · 14/02/2026 16:24

No. The compromise is 2 holidays - one of DH’s choosing and the other of OP and the boys’ choosing.

There’s no earthly reason to pull OP and the kids home a week early - from one side of the family they only get to see once a year - just for DH’s selfishness.

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It's not pulling them home a week early... it's just that they will go for one week.

This isn't a prebooked holiday

Original poster

robbys82 · 14/02/2026 16:31

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 16:18

Is he controlling in others areas?

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no I wouldn't say so at all. but fed up with time with my family I guess ( he has lost his close family and the rest live 200miles away and have never visited - we go and visit. a few times a year, but they aren't very close really)

OP posts:

Original poster

robbys82 · 14/02/2026 16:33

BudgetBuster · 14/02/2026 16:18

But why can't you just go on a family holiday all of you... without you family? You seem to holiday with them alot! I'd be annoyed too

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if we do this, then I don't see my brother this year and the boys don't see their cousins ( who they love talking to online and regularly ask when they can next see them)

OP posts:

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 16:36

robbys82 · 14/02/2026 16:31

no I wouldn't say so at all. but fed up with time with my family I guess ( he has lost his close family and the rest live 200miles away and have never visited - we go and visit. a few times a year, but they aren't very close really)

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But he doesn’t have to come with you AND you can afford and have the holiday time to do something as a family of four during the holidays.

Why does he begrudge you and your children this family time?
Is he jealous?

BudgetBuster · 14/02/2026 16:36

robbys82 · 14/02/2026 16:33

if we do this, then I don't see my brother this year and the boys don't see their cousins ( who they love talking to online and regularly ask when they can next see them)

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Yeah that's pretty much the life of lots of people whose loved ones live abroad.

Aluna · 14/02/2026 16:37

BudgetBuster · 14/02/2026 16:30

It's not pulling them home a week early... it's just that they will go for one week.

This isn't a prebooked holiday

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They’ve been invited for 2 weeks, they want to go for 2 weeks thus they would be coming home a week early.

CommonlyKnownAs · 14/02/2026 16:37

Aluna · 14/02/2026 16:24

No. The compromise is 2 holidays - one of DH’s choosing and the other of OP and the boys’ choosing.

There’s no earthly reason to pull OP and the kids home a week early - from one side of the family they only get to see once a year - just for DH’s selfishness.

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No, that is not a compromise. That's OP getting the whole 2 weeks by the villa as she wants, and DH having to be without the DC for the entire 2 weeks that he didn't want to be away from them for. If you think that's the best way to do things for X reason, that's one thing, but it means the DH doing all the conceding.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 16:37

BudgetBuster · 14/02/2026 16:36

Yeah that's pretty much the life of lots of people whose loved ones live abroad.

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She has the money, the time off work and means for it not to be a problem.

Aluna · 14/02/2026 16:38

BudgetBuster · 14/02/2026 16:36

Yeah that's pretty much the life of lots of people whose loved ones live abroad.

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Unless they have a sister with in France so they can meet up with family once a year for quality time.

SpringingOn · 14/02/2026 16:38

I still think a week is a fair compromise after your clarifications.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 16:39

CommonlyKnownAs · 14/02/2026 16:37

No, that is not a compromise. That's OP getting the whole 2 weeks by the villa as she wants, and DH having to be without the DC for the entire 2 weeks that he didn't want to be away from them for. If you think that's the best way to do things for X reason, that's one thing, but it means the DH doing all the conceding.

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So the kids should miss out on a holiday with their cousins simply because their dad would miss them?

Aluna · 14/02/2026 16:41

CommonlyKnownAs · 14/02/2026 16:37

No, that is not a compromise. That's OP getting the whole 2 weeks by the villa as she wants, and DH having to be without the DC for the entire 2 weeks that he didn't want to be away from them for. If you think that's the best way to do things for X reason, that's one thing, but it means the DH doing all the conceding.

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Of course it’s a compromise. She’s gets the whole 2 weeks she and the kids want and he gets the whole 2 weeks he wants.

He’s an adult - he can cope without his kids for a couple of weeks when it is very much to their benefit to spend time with family and it’s a cultural benefit to spend time in France.

Who is so selfish and codependent as an adult that they can’t cope with that?

CommonlyKnownAs · 14/02/2026 16:42

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 16:39

So the kids should miss out on a holiday with their cousins simply because their dad would miss them?

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No, that's why I very clearly stated they should have a holiday with their cousins for a week and their father should compromise and put up with missing them that long.

Pippa99999 · 14/02/2026 16:42

SpringingOn · 14/02/2026 16:38

I still think a week is a fair compromise after your clarifications.

Precisely. It’s the obvious answer!!

BudgetBuster · 14/02/2026 16:42

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 14/02/2026 16:37

She has the money, the time off work and means for it not to be a problem.

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Apparently... but she doesn't have a family agreement.

She seems to want to do what she wants WITH FAMILY MONEY to suit herself.