To wonder what makes a mum be like this?

[Ovenpizzafordinner]

Very driven and ambitious in terms of the children. Head of PTA, attends school trips, all school competitions and so obviously wants to win.
Lots of after school activities, no rest for the kids, various tutors. Pushing children to do shows and perform for others.
Holidays always very educational, lots of walking, historical sights.
Lots of mingling with wealthier families or wanting to be around influential/successful families. Cooking everything from scratch, being very strict about eating chocolate etc. Very strict about screen time.

Whilst I agree/admire some of this, it must be exhausting surely? Plus, is it good for the children?

What makes a mum like this? It doesn’t look a happy place to be

What a strange question from you. You obviously hold very different values but everything you’ve described just sounds like a mum who wants the best for her child.

When my kids were tweens I’d say me and most of my mum friends took our children to loads of activities , cooked from scratch and probably blagged endlessly about their achievements as we were just proud mummies. All the kids found their level and everyone did very well most getting into top universities including Oxbridge.

A few parents were school governors and everyone helped out at school in some way at some point. I did the least because I was full time plus career and my daughter still thinks I abandoned her to an after school nanny even though I worked at home most of those years and saw lots of her! In fact what’s funny is some of same friends ( who are all lovely and amazing parents) are still sending photos of adult children now in concerts (and they play 5 instruments and 1 actually composes music now after all those lessons) . Others are in plays and theatre. Mine were more sporty and went to quite high levels - it’s what they needed as high energy levels and was good for sleep. My son however picked his piano lessons back up as an adult after a 6 year gap and has now taught himself guitar.

I did /do cook from scratch (but do cheat with sauces / pastes at times) and know I went on too much about being ‘healthy’ in terms of food. Both kids ate really well and were always healthy but the teenage years did have some wobbles at me for commenting on what they ate if it was huge amounts of junk so I learned to shut my mouth there very quickly and not condemn anything. I do think lead by example where good food is concerned but don’t become a zealot or your kids could develop an eating disorder. They need to relax around food. I’ve seen this happen with more distant friends. No sweets allowed etc. holidays we did loads of activities watersports and tennis in the main. Probably should have done more culture but museums tended to suck all the joy out of a holiday when you could be capsizing a dinghy on the water instead or zooming round in a regatta. I do think at times I was a bit too obsessed with them reaching their potential. Perhaps because it just felt the right thing to do to not let them waste it? I didn’t want my kids to end up scrimping and scraping for a living always trying to make ends meet. So I guess I provided all sorts of opportunities, tutored and taught them how to invest so they would get ahead. I also let them fail when needed which my son did quite spectacularly a few times and it was tough to watch and a relief when he got back up again. I like to think I’m a pretty good parent. Not perfect by any means but involved and wanting my yp to become the best version of themselves. Is that so terrible?

@Scramado
Why are you a bad mother if you use a holiday club on holiday?!

This!! Although I do think at times it’s good to take the foot off the accelerator and let them chill / have down time. It’s a balance- the ability to sit and just ‘be’ is actually a good skill to learn for emotional intelligence and maturity. I agree to aspire and I’ve done that but I know when to back off!

This!! Although I do think at times it’s good to take the foot off the accelerator and let them chill / have down time. It’s a balance- the ability to sit and just ‘be’ is actually a good skill to learn for emotional intelligence and maturity. I agree to aspire and I’ve done that but I know when to back off!

Why would it be bad? Are rhe children complaining or unhappy or is this just an outsider looking in protecting issues on to another person?

Or one of this reverse weird things?

People do parent differently three is no right or wrong way

Just a type A personality, probably nurturing more type As - as long as everyone is happy it’s ok, think it only becomes an issue when people become stressed and/or anxious. It’s not the sort of household my dc are growing up in but that doesn’t mean I think it is wrong for the people it suits.

Bree Van De Kamp once described freud perfectly well, And I agree with her!

Because mothers don’t deserve a break, and their children will miss them while they’re in holiday club 😂

Break from what? OP’s ideal mother does nothing with or for her kids.

Very competitive, and will usually have plenty of time on her hands. Though I do know that some very busy non SAHM parents do make an effort to help with PTA, fundraising events, etc.

I don’t think I’ve seen her saying that, must have missed it!

I think there are a lot things worse then what you describe.
also you are projecting-my dd12 loves performing in am dram, no pushing there. They all love healthy cooked food-poke bowls, fresh curries, salads, they would choose that stuff.

just because you or your children dint like these things doesn’t mean others don’t.

i would rather see a parent feed their children a home made curry then a frozen pizza.

do these people make you feel inadequate?

Dd10 adores dance and comps, she has loads of mates and dances for 13 hours a week, she’d love to do more.
every morning I do maths/science and vr and nvr with her, she is confident at school and never fears tests. Her favourite breakfast is jumbo oats with fresh fruit. I used to be chair of pta. We walk on the beach at weekends with doggy. She loves reading , we travel extensively.
i sound similar to your friend. My children are happy and healthy and thriving.

Why do you think these people are very competitive? As a PP said, people like you like to make life a race to the bottom. Why do you label anyone who makes an effort as being competitive?

One of mine got into Cheer - wouldn’t have been my first thought - but she got so much fun and socialising out of it. It’s a huge adventure going to competitions. They have loads of downtime/hanging around during the day so they had loads of play / girly fun / mischief - she now knows loads of girls from other clubs, older and younger etc. It wasn’t all scheduled back breaking training. She has now gone to uni in another country and was comfortable and confident enough to make contact with the local cheer club there - and as her uni doesn’t have a cheer team/club she has set about setting one up. Proud of her efforts to contribute to her community. I also have run scouts for years. It’s all about the social time and getting out of the house and an alternative to school environment where they can let their hair down. Same on camp. The skills and activities are incidental. It’s my great pleasure to see the girls mucking about, creasing up with laughter, to see some of the very quiet ND boys find each other that maybe isn’t possible at school and build close friendships and then to see these two types of kids respectful of each other and working alongside each other on a task which probably doesn’t happen too much. Get your kids out and about and involved beyond their own family and school experience.

Who says ‘people like me’ want life to be a race to the botttom?

I should perhaps have said ‘overly’ or ‘aggressively’ competitive. Plenty of parents like me want the best for their children, and encourage them to do their best and do well. But to me and many others, that’s normal behaviour - just not excessively competitive.

You do maths, science and reasoning work before school?

Do you ever do any of these things OP.

I mean do you ever go on holiday and visit something historical?

Do you ever cook from scratch?

Do you have screen time or any restrictions on your kids phones or do they have complete free access?

I’m not sure what mingling with wealthy families entails, is it mingling only because they are wealthy and actually they don’t really like them?

I mean Head of the PTA fair enough, I’m not sure why anyone would take this on but the ones I know have actually been fine and are working mums and dads.

AI tells me that "About 30% of secondary school students in England and Wales receive private tutoring, with higher rates in London, where nearly 46% of students have had tutors.” So not that uncommon actually.

Be interesting to hear what this awful mother thinks about your amazing parenting skills and your ultra relaxed, happy kids. I am surprised she is not knocking on your door for guidance. Or maybe she thinks you are a lazy parent

Yes, every morning (I also have DH at home so he dies breakfast and I sit with DD10). We’ve done it since she started school so it’s as much a routine as cleaning teeth. I really enjoy VR and NVR actually, they are like puzzle books. We do about 40 mins a morning.

Genuinely - why?

Kids are about to do schoolwork all day (with teachers), which involves maths and science.

Surely breakfast can just be about breakfast and not about learning?

If you go on a family holiday overseas it’s not really a family holiday for the kids if they spend the whole time in childcare

My parents did nothing with me and my brother, never checked my homework etc etc. I didn’t do as well as I could have done, they just shied no interest at all (they were great in most other ways). I remember the fear of tests and knowing I’d let myself down-the panic. I dint want that for my children so I’ve done it with all 3. They are now in the habit of us all sitting around the breakfast table dd15 doing her Latin vocab revision, dd12 finishing off whatever prep she has and me and dd10 doing her stuff-with various discussions about friends, teachers, moans thrown in. It’s just our habit and it’s not stressful, intense and they all take the piss out of me having to surreptitiously google y5 maths . I love our mornings actually.