To wonder what makes a mum be like this?

[Ovenpizzafordinner]

Very driven and ambitious in terms of the children. Head of PTA, attends school trips, all school competitions and so obviously wants to win.
Lots of after school activities, no rest for the kids, various tutors. Pushing children to do shows and perform for others.
Holidays always very educational, lots of walking, historical sights.
Lots of mingling with wealthier families or wanting to be around influential/successful families. Cooking everything from scratch, being very strict about eating chocolate etc. Very strict about screen time.

Whilst I agree/admire some of this, it must be exhausting surely? Plus, is it good for the children?

What makes a mum like this? It doesn’t look a happy place to be

100% boil an egg for breakfast, put some oats in the fridge overnight and heat thru in the morning - chuck on a chopped apple / banana.

Potato wedges in the air fryer, frozen peas / tin of sweet corn / chicken/chops etc meat and 2 veg simple.

Slow cooker curry, stew, bolognaise

Batch cook and freeze.

No culinary skills required.

Are you my friend? This is me except my volunteering isnt with the PTA but is with a different organisation to protect vulnerable groups. Whats the issue with cooking from scratch? Cheaper and tastier (and healthier) than processed. Although i work FT and being solo parent i dont make my own pasta and bread.
Cant see why you have an issue with her. You do you.

I know right, it’s pretty easy. I don’t know what the fuss is about.

Oh that sounds like me - except DS didn't have tutors.

I loved being a SAHM it was 1000 times better than any job I've ever done. What made me want to be like it was that I wanted to be a fantastic mum. Now DS is happily working as a software engineer so definitely all worth it IMO.

OP, have you considered that some people are just more highly functioning than others? Maybe your relative finds it pretty easy to do all of the things you mentioned, and maybe she enjoys them.
Just because you find it hard to cook a proper meal, it doesn’t mean that she does.

I cook from scratch and my children don't have screens. I think it is exhausting but it's choices I make to do the best for my kids with what I know. Surely that's just normal?

Except for the PTA thing, OP could be describing me. Regarding the ‘mingling’ with certain people, that’s just because they are the parents of my kids’ friends.
I find it pretty easy to do everything on top of my full time job, and I gather from the comments on this post that plenty of others do too.
Some of us are just better at managing things than others. I certainly don’t find it stressful.
OP’s first post implies that she thinks this woman is running herself ragged, but maybe she’s managing it all just fine.

You are very fortunate. Our PTA is likely to close next year due to no one wanting to take over and a lack of volunteers generally.

For me, it's jealousy/ guilty maybe. These are things I think I'm supposed to be doing but I just don't have the physical or mental energy for it all, especially as an introvert.

This is almost me OP - I won’t apologise for it.
I do none of it for myself, it’s all for the kids. Raised 19k over 3 years for the school, our PTA is small very little interest, was barely running when I joined, if I hadn’t taken it on there would be less money in the pot for the kids.

I understand what a privileged position I’m in to be able to work part time to give myself time to do the PTA and home cooking.

I guide my son into making the most of himself and trying his hardest at everything he does, I do not however pressure him into doing things he doesn’t want to do.

Im strict about food and screen time apart from Fridays, we order whatever takeaway he wants and there’s lots of PlayStation.

He does x3 afterschool activities and we encourage him to play his instrument in front of people whenever we can.

We also like to go on historical/museum trip and holidays. Balanced with beach ones.

as a family we believe life is for living, we try and cram in lots of experiences and opportunities for him.

When he’s an adult I’d like him to look back and know that we’d done our best to give him everything we possibly could.

Love?

wanting to do the ‘right’ thing and wanting what she think is best for her family?

if said mum you?OP

@cantthinkofagoodusername1

OP’s first post implies that she thinks this woman is running herself ragged, but maybe she’s managing it all just fine.

There's a weird obsession on here with people "running themselves ragged" basically if they do anything at all other than do their jobs and look after their kids.

People have different energy levels and obviously if you're doing too much you should step back from some things but generally being active is likely to give you more energy, not less. It's the people who sit around doing nothing all the time who feel drained and exhausted, not the ones who seize life and use it.

I also think its quite a misogynist trope: it harks back to some Victorian idea that women should be as passive and family-oriented as possible and too much vigorous activity will "strain" them. You see them passing this onto their kids as well with the idea that being active is unhappy.

I agree I don’t think it’s bad thing necessarily.

ps how on earth did you raise so much for PTA?
would love to hear tips

Its such a sneery attitude, just let people be

The PTA funds - honestly a lot of trial and error, food goes extremely well in our school so just started selling that as often as we could! Found parents with local businesses that were food based to get in donations - for example chip shops, takeaways etc. they are usually happy to donate a few times a year.

In the summer ice lollies every Friday after school, sold hotdogs after school, I found most parents buy an after school treat - especially on Fridays so just started offering that really!

we sell coffee to parents a lot in the mornings, invested in a few coffee machines and takeaway cups! Sold it a bit cheaper than the local cafe, brings in a nice chunk!

We try to do events for mums around every religious holiday too, henna for Eid, nail painting for Christmas etc

hope some of that helps ❤️

Why do you care so much? Live your own life.

Sounds like she's doing a great job

Who knows? Some of those things sound like normal conscientious parenting, others sound excessive.

There are also people who are very high energy / high vitality and they can do it all and not be exhausted

I’m sneery about OP. She’s one of those people who puts the kids in a kids club and lies by a pool as a holiday. Doesn’t see her child much. Doesn’t show them any culture. And the person she’s describing is meant to be a bad mother?

Interests should be dc led imhv. Overdoing it can be detrimental. I know a couple of women who neglect their dc for adulation/admiration from charity work. Bizarre.

If anyone sounds unhappy hear …it’s the judgy OP. Happy people don’t bitch about others

It's just who they are. They can, so provide the best in the hope their DC are successful and wealthy. I'd do it too if I could, but mine are SEN and high IQ, but can't cope with pressure. They do activities that they love that still help them, and we travel, both domestic and overseas and I believe that's the best we can do. Hopefully they'll be less frightened of breaking down the walls of their safe world & going out there in it. What I wish I'd had, really. My DM still says 'she couldn't be bothered' with everything what we do. I know. I lived it. It's why I've struggled to reach a potential I know I have.

My relative's DC has the lifestyle, and the oldest is just finishing uni. He's learnt how to make money and take advantage of contacts, while being lazy at work (I work with him). He'll always be well off. Same with SIL's DC. I admit I'd do it if I could.

Who knows? Each to their own, I was always too busy raising my own children to think about how others are raising theirs!

I'd say all the things OP listed are potentially normal and healthy but its possible for all of them to be taken to extremes and have unhealthy aspects. I'm assuming thats whats the OP has observed in this case.

Its been an eye opener for me seeing the friends of a dear old school friend in action. My friend is a Dr, and her friends from uni and where she lives now are all in medicine. To generalise, they mostly went to private school, were strong academically and were encouraged into medicine as it was hard to get into and a good thing for a bright kid to do. Generally competitive and perfectionist types, with those traits exacerbated by years of uni and professional exams and an expectation they work themselves to exhaustion.

Now they have kids their schedules of what they have their kids doing are crazy - while they also work long hours at hard jobs. This is normal within their circles so they all feel they have to do it.

I always get the feeling when I'm with them that even if we are doing something that is fun, they are doing it to tick a box of something they should do, rather than genuinely allowing themselves to enjoy it.

Some have an irrational fear of failing their parenting exam, these ones will read a parenting book and do everything it says, just in case.
Some have guilt at the hours they work and feel they can't provide what they had from their parents.
In one case, nothing she does will ever be good enough for her mother to praise her, despite this she keeps trying to gain ever more accomplishments for her and her children.