AIBU to think she should let me have them

[DallazMajor]

I have a particular style and people comment on it.

My friend bought some shoes in a charity shop. She said “oh I bought these shoes - they are so you”. She showed them to me and yes they are so me. She then put them in a box in her wardrobe.

This month she said I could borrow them for my mums funeral. :(
Lots of people commented on them “they are so you”. Etc. She kept telling everyone they were her shoes that she picked up at a vintage fayre for £5.

For context she is a very close friend.

AIBU to think she should let me have the shoes.

She fully discloses that she will “Never wear them”.

Maybe someone can help find a pair of the same shoes.

I would say to your friend next time she's weird about the shoes "you need to chill out about these shoes, I got some on ebay in the end"

What do you reckon is going on? What's your theory on why she is doing it?

Not exactly the same but similar
www.vinted.co.uk/items/6699379001-tommy-hilfiger-heels

If you pop the image into Vinted search there are lots of similar style shoes - maybe you can find a pair you like even more?

Presume you’ve asked her the obvious question - “why did you buy them if you never intend to wear them?”.
What was the answer?

They look like Memery shoes.

https://memery.co.uk/collections/vintage-style-shoes

Definitely! She clearly enjoys having one over you for whatever reason. Just act like you’re not bothered about the shoes.

OP another saying you need to buy some similar yourself, say nothing about it, but turn up wearing them to meet up with her.

Exactly what I was going to say.

People in the midst of a major grief behave in ways that aren't typical for them.

Case in point, after my dad died very suddenly at 62, my mum got absolutely up in arms about getting some reprints of a photo... It wasn't even a photo of dad, it was of her and her two sisters.
If was such bizarre behaviour from her, and so out of character from the easy-going woman I knew. I was really upset by it.
The next morning, I woke up to find her climbing into bed with me, crying and saying how much she missed him.
Then I understood what the whole photo thing as about.

I'm so sorry about your mum OP, it's an awful thing. But I think the kindest thing you can do for yourself right now is to forget the shoes ever existed and give yourself a bit of space from this oddly-behaving "friend".

Your friend is odd , however much I loved her shoes I wouldn't borrow them on a principle .

Yes, I think she should have gifted them to you. It would have been kind and thoughtful of her, like a good friend.
as it is she is advertising something to you and then holding onto it as a hoarder, which is ungenerous and insensitive.

This, unless I've missed some massive piece of information. Why would you have a right to her stuff?

Maybe I am being a dick, I don’t know. I just lost my mum and those insinuating I am more bothered about the shoes than my mums death can really go and fuck themselves.

I think my friend is being weird about the shoes.

I've not read the entire thread, but anything who has suggested that is absolutely disgusting

I'm really sorry for your loss xx

You've offered to buy them but she's obviously not interested in selling them to you. They're her shoes. She's entitled to keep them if she wants to, for whatever reason.

Why is it 'hoarding' to want to keep your own stuff?!

They’re not that uncommon.

Joe Brown has a few.

https://www.joebrowns.co.uk/womens-clothing/womens-shoes-boots-sandals?utm_campaign=&utm_adgroup=&utm_kwd=joe+brown+shoes&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_content=793716018429&utm_cid=Cj0KCQiA18DMBhDeARIsABtYwT2_48sv5p6iTrIVJ0tqjM0lWXqdtwRJdNWaC80b-IMxI1b_idVmPR0aAvqKEALw_wcB&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22828681388&gbraid=0AAAAAD5kyI1R_Xd_eSpF2a0D8efcWZE4K&gclid=Cj0KCQiA18DMBhDeARIsABtYwT2_48sv5p6iTrIVJ0tqjM0lWXqdtwRJdNWaC80b-IMxI1b_idVmPR0aAvqKEALw_wcB&filterpanel=on&fq=Type%3AHeels&page=1

Sorry about your mum op.

but you’re getting upset over a THIRD hand pair of shoes, a £5 one at that. Some perspective is needed here from you.

Pretty Kitty

https://prettykittyfashion.co.uk/collections/shoes

It sounds like there’s some weird power play here. Years ago I was in a charity shop with a close friend. We both saw the same yellow bag but she bought it, almost snatched it off me. I just thought oh well let it go. I found a similar yellow bag in Zara on holiday and on sale so that was good! We are both fashionistas though.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Vintage-Leather-Comfortable-Pointed-Holiday/dp/B0D89TLLB5/ref=asc_df_B0D89TLLB5?mcid=07e8105e9ee93dd2bee02762aa886803&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=755533946379&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2496785969110607518&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=2826&hvtargid=pla-2428261403265&psc=1&hvocijid=2496785969110607518-B0D89TLLB5-&hvexpln=0&gad_source=1

https://prettykittyfashion.co.uk/collections/shoes/products/black-cut-out-shoes-sandals-with-stack-heel-copy

You’re the one being really weird about the shoes.

It doesn’t matter what her reason was for buying them and if she’ll wear them every day or not once, they’re hers.

You’ve got to be pretty entitled to see something that someone else owns and think you deserve it just because you like it.

Do you also walk into peoples houses and demand they hand over pieces of their furniture because you’ve taken a shine to it?

So have you asked her why she bought the shoes if she’s never intending to wear them?

Oh… they’re nice, but very standard… I was thinking they’d be more… out there to be such a thing and have all the comments. Like these irregular choice ones!