AIBU to think she should let me have them

[DallazMajor]

I have a particular style and people comment on it.

My friend bought some shoes in a charity shop. She said “oh I bought these shoes - they are so you”. She showed them to me and yes they are so me. She then put them in a box in her wardrobe.

This month she said I could borrow them for my mums funeral. :(
Lots of people commented on them “they are so you”. Etc. She kept telling everyone they were her shoes that she picked up at a vintage fayre for £5.

For context she is a very close friend.

AIBU to think she should let me have the shoes.

She fully discloses that she will “Never wear them”.

Maybe she is keeping them in the hope she gets the confidence to wear them if they are not her usual style.

So the "I will never wear them" is her saying that she wishes she has the confidence to wear them and maybe one day she will?

Also, she let you wear them when you wanted to, thats a kind thing

If you want some of the shoes, have a google and buy a similar pair yourself

It is odd, controlling behaviour, especially because they are your style and not hers. Would they even fit her?

Similar happened to me when a really good friend picked up a lovely coat in a charity shop when I was with her. It was my size, not hers. She bought it and sold it on ebay. I have no idea what she was thinking 🤷🏽‍♀️

Can you have a look on vinted to see if you can buy a pair of your own?

You’re projecting grief into this situation.
Let it go, she owns the shoes and for whatever chooses not to wear them.
Shoes don’t have feelings or care if they are onfeet or in boxes!

Is there a history of you wanting her things or vice versa?

My sister expects me to give her a lot of my things. It gets frustrating for me as she makes me out to be tight just for keeping things that I like and bought for myself.

Perhaps you could find a way to ask her this very question OP.

Well it's odd that she bought them but says she'll never wear them, BUT she is of course perfectly entitled to not sell them or give them to you or anyone else.

Is it possible that she's doing this to piss you off for some reason? Any bad blood between you?

What did she say as you were begging her?

Stop playing the game OP. Next time she asks if you want to borrow them say “no thanks” and leave it there.
she sounds jealous of you and trying to point score. Leave it there.

Forget about them. I genuinely think this is more about your mother dying than the shoes.
If she hasn’t agreed to sell or offered them by now then forget them.
I personally would give my friend the shoes under these circumstances. I know not everyone will feel the same generosity towards a grieving friend.
This is probably a sign that the friendship is over.

Best way to handle this is to never ask to wear the shoes again. Don't comment on them. For some bizarre reason, she bought the shoes with no intention of wearing them but mentioned the shoes to you. Why would she tell you about the shoes? Why would she buy something which is not her style and clearly yours?

Suspect this is a form of power play that your friend is doing.

I think the answer will be she is a grown woman who can buy what she wants.

Many people have an item that they can’t wear but still like to look at every now and then.

If you have a photograph of the shoes, the posters on style and beauty threads will find them or something close. They’re professional shoppers.

Do you both wear the same size shoes?

If I really wanted them and if she paid £5 I'd ask to buy them for £10. Unless she's one of those people who sees items for sale on Ebay for inflated prices (which are there forever) and thinks she can do the same.

I would forget the shoes. I have a very particular choice of shoes, but I wouldn’t lower myself to begging someone to buy shoes they won’t wear - that’s no longer about shoes and about power play.
Don’t borrow them. Don’t ask to buy them again.

If your friend is actually a friend, and the game play was accidental, your friendship will go back to normal.

if they’re not actually a friend you will soon know.

Surely this can’t be real? How old are you OP? If you are an adult your sense of entitlement is incredible. Also, I can’t see a situation where (multiple) people would talk about shoes at a funeral to a grieving daughter.

I'm guessing these are either something like irregular choice or a goth aesthetic. Even if they are very vintage style, there will be others
I'd take the emotion out , even if you haven't yet, just say breezily "oh I found a pair on ebay"
This resets the begging and control element
Then just look at ebay vinted etc. Reverse image search will really help.
I get that you know how to find the shoes , this is more about your friend being strange
I find, when people play silly buggers, don't join in

Having read your OP again I definitely think she's bought these to dangle in front of you and annoy you.

What has happened in your friendship to possibly explain why she would do this? It's rather genius in it's torture of you...........

Have you got a picture of them? Maybe we can help you find a similar pair.

I agree with PP, it sounds like an odd little power play on her part. But you can’t force to her to sell you the shoes. Let her keep them in a box in her wardrobe 😅

also agree that you tell her something like “I found an identical pair on Vinted for £2.50! Yay!” 🤣🤣

Same. YABU to think you're entitled to your friend's shoes because you like them. She's weird for spending money on something she won't use.

I don't understand why she should let you have them, or buy them? They are hers, if she wants to keep them in a box in her wardrobe for the rest of her life that is her choice.

you could put a pic if you have one on the shopping / s&b pages and the hive mind of MN could maybe help you find something similar.

You're being unreasonable to think she should give you the shoes. They're hers and she can put them in a box in the wardrobe if she wants.

But she's acting very oddly in keeping telling you they are 'so you' and even lending them to you but keeping saying she wants them back. It's childish, like that thing kids do when they offer you something then snatch it back.

I'd let the shoes go. However nice they are, they are just shoes. If you really want a pair then hunt your own pair down.

But I also wouldn't engage with her on the shoes. Don't borrow them again. If she mentions them change the subject. Ideally buy a really great pair of shoes that you love and when she mentions her shoes, keep referring to your own fabulous shoes.

This must be a reverse surely?!

They are similar to these