AIBU to think she should let me have them

[DallazMajor]

I have a particular style and people comment on it.

My friend bought some shoes in a charity shop. She said “oh I bought these shoes - they are so you”. She showed them to me and yes they are so me. She then put them in a box in her wardrobe.

This month she said I could borrow them for my mums funeral. :(
Lots of people commented on them “they are so you”. Etc. She kept telling everyone they were her shoes that she picked up at a vintage fayre for £5.

For context she is a very close friend.

AIBU to think she should let me have the shoes.

She fully discloses that she will “Never wear them”.

It’s quite weird to expect someone to give you something they bought for themselves because you think it’s more you. That doesn’t give you a right to something.

Your mum has died and you are worrying about a pair of shoes.

Does your friend actually like the shoes? I ask because I have a pair of irregular choice little mermaid shoes that were so fantastic I bought them, but there’s no chance I could walk in them and can’t see an occasion I’ll wear them. They would actually suit my best friend more and she loves them, but I won’t give them to her because I like them too, hence buying them.

note- they are not in my wardrobe they are on display in my dressing room

😲

I have literally begged to buy them off her.

(before my mum passed away )

On what grounds do you think she should?

I agree with pps....her behaviour sounds like an odd little power/control game, possibly jealousy.

See the shoes. Either...

• Buy them for yourself independently if you like the style.

• Mention to your friend you saw something in their style in X charity shop (if you're super close message to ask if you want them to buy them and they can transfer the money over).

Its like Wendying where some women see another woman have a new friend (who they would not have been "independently" interested in) and get obsessed with taking over that friend.

And part of the power play is to show the friendship off to the person being Wendied.

Plus its odd and vulgar and attention seeking to bring this up at a funeral (sorry for your loss OP).

I would never mention the shoes again, and also ease this crazy person out of my life and stop giving them information about me.

So a person wont give the op second hand shoes so cut them out of their life? A bit dramatic

Yes, and there's something called Google and EBay where one might try looking... 🧐

You sound far more unhinged than anyone on this thread.
Unless you’re unaware of what “unhinged” means.
”Odd behaviour,” sure, because we’re all a little odd, but the person you’re referencing has done nothing more odd than buy a pair of shoes in a charity shop.
And then made a few comments to her friend about those shoes.
If her friend wants those shoes, she needs to speak up or otherwise forever hold her peace.

Good grief… this is one of the most blatant examples of entitlement I have ever seen. Google the show and look on vinted and Depop until you find some like everyone else.

Well OP, per your quote, "I have literally begged to buy them off her. (before my mum passed away)" and also your "AIBU to think she should let me have them" thread title, why are you degradating yourself over a pair of shoes by your passive-aggressive friend? She bought them because it's your style, she said she would never ear them anyway, but she's going enjoy holding them hostage and enjoy watching you go crazy over a pair of shoes she bought at a charity shop for a £5 note. She's simply enjoying the ability to hold over you and enjoy your jealousy. If you want to keep wasting your energy worrying about these shoes, then best of luck to you.

She "shouldn't " let you have them, no. She seems to be enjoying taunting you with them and i would question what sort of friend she actually was. Does she plan to be your personal shoe lending bank since you are the only person wanting to wear them?! It's seriously weird. I would forget about them, show no interest in them. That will annoy her. Find your own pair to buy and consider why she is behaving in this way.

You have asked and her and she has replied that she’s not selling them. End of matter.

i thought irregular choice too. Used to have a colleague who wore them, and was VERY fierce about how they were HER style… and if anyone else wore them, she would be v v strange and make weird derogatory comments about how they were ‘her style’ and how ordinary people couldn’t carry them off like her…. She was scarily controlling about them!

Why has she bought shoes she’ll never wear?

Maybe she’s saving then for your next birthday present and the buildup “tantalising” has gone too far for you in your difficult times.💐

Blimey, they are shoes. Just search online for some or something similar.
You are not entitled to have whatever you want if it doesn’t belong to you.

I agree with the posters that she is enjoying some odd, power play. To do it around your Mum's death/funeral shows that she isn't a true friend. If they are irregular choice, I doubt that she got them for £5. Have you got a inheritance that she's a bit envious about, or is she attention seeker? The whole thing is strange.

If you like them so much then offer to buy them or hunt around yourself in the charity shops. Tbh I cant understand why you're so obsessed with a pair of shoes when you've just lost your Mum?

This. It's a bit odd. Is she normally one for power games?

Sorry about your mum.

But no - they are her shoes, she can do what she wants with them. Can't believe how entitled you are.

Take photos of the shoes if you can, and put the photo through Google. I hope you can find another pair like that

Im struggling to imagine having a single thought about shoes at my mom’s funeral

Be a big girl and buy your own shoes.