AIBU to think she should let me have them

[DallazMajor]

I have a particular style and people comment on it.

My friend bought some shoes in a charity shop. She said “oh I bought these shoes - they are so you”. She showed them to me and yes they are so me. She then put them in a box in her wardrobe.

This month she said I could borrow them for my mums funeral. :(
Lots of people commented on them “they are so you”. Etc. She kept telling everyone they were her shoes that she picked up at a vintage fayre for £5.

For context she is a very close friend.

AIBU to think she should let me have the shoes.

She fully discloses that she will “Never wear them”.

This. To put it another way!

Why would you covet your friends old second hand shoes? Even if they were 'me' I wouldn't want them.

You both sound silly tbh. Her to buy shoes she would never wear and you being entitled to expect that she should give them to you. If you want them offer to buy them.

Have a look at Irregular Choice shoes. I love them and will often be tagged in Facebook posts whenever anyone sees a pair of even somewhat unusual shoes.

They're her shoes. I'm sure you could find the same pair on eBay or Vinted if you really want them.

Yes. Yabu

Entitled much?

Why do you expect her to give you the shoes? They're hers. Just because they're "your style" doesn't entitle you to someone else's things.

Offer to buy them.

Sorry about your mom.

Its weird that she made a point of showing you and saying they were so you, but obviously there's nothing to say she should have given them to you!

Offer to buy them from her with a finders fee.
They must be some fancy shoes.
Sorry about your mother. 🙏

It’s just bloody weird. No she doesn’t have to give them to you and was perfectly entitled to buy them but it’s utterly bizarre to make a whole thing about it, making sure she was telling everyone they were actually her bargain shoes at your mother’s funeral and then also telling you she’s keeping them in the back of her wardrobe and is never going to wear them.

I’m really struggling to see a benign rationale. Like
others, it sounds to me like a weird sort of power play. “I have them, so you can’t wear them unless I permit it and I know how much you like them, so it must be driving you mad”. I cannot fathom doing that to a friend, let alone one that is grieving.

Sorry for the loss of your mum, Op. Focus on grieving and not your batshit friend.

She fully discloses that she will “Never wear them”.

I'm struggling with this to be honest.

Are you absolutely sure that's what she said, because it makes zero sense?

If I were in your situation I'd ask to buy them. However not at the price she paid, rather offer her £15-20, frame it as a "finding fee". If she doesn't accept then something else is going on, if she does it could be that she doesn't want to set a precedent of finding great things and then obliged to give them away for free!

Sorry about your Mom.

Have you returned the shoes yet, if not when you are returning them ask her if you can buy them off her. However she has the right to say no.

I was thinking Fluevogs.
https://www.fluevog.com/?srsltid=AfmBOoq30yNT95K62YPPZXs8l4gFHtz0xVO9UBcxc_vhR_-BKNFqNa8-

Why would you expect to be given a pair of shoes? Does your friend also like the shoes? Did you ask to borrow the shoes or did your friend offer? You sound entitled, just because someone has something you like it doesn’t mean they should be given to you

Sorry to hear about your mum. But you sound very entitled. Do you suggest she should feel sorry for you and give you the shoes?

Why should she give you her shoes? Sorry about your mum

People at your mother's funeral were commenting on your shoes??

She obviously bought them because she likes them. Why should she give them to you?

I’m trying to imagine a pair of shoes so quirky and attention grabbing that people were commenting on
them, that you both thought were suitable for a funeral 🤔

yup..... strange.....

I don't really understand why you're saying she should give you the shoes?

Although if someone had told me they'd bought these shoes and then told me they'd never wear them, I'd have responded with 'why did you buy them then'

As worn at all the classiest funerals.

I don’t think she should let you „have“ the shoes but her behaviour is really odd. It‘s almost like she’s enjoying keeping them from you.

Personally I’d never let anyone else wear my shoes but if so were your friend I’d sell them to you for the price I bought them - especially if we were close friends and they’d suited you much better or were more loved by you.

As others suggested, could you ask her if she’d consider selling them to you?

So sorry to hear about your Mum, hope you have a good support network around you. 💐