AIBU to think she should let me have them

[DallazMajor]

I have a particular style and people comment on it.

My friend bought some shoes in a charity shop. She said “oh I bought these shoes - they are so you”. She showed them to me and yes they are so me. She then put them in a box in her wardrobe.

This month she said I could borrow them for my mums funeral. :(
Lots of people commented on them “they are so you”. Etc. She kept telling everyone they were her shoes that she picked up at a vintage fayre for £5.

For context she is a very close friend.

AIBU to think she should let me have the shoes.

She fully discloses that she will “Never wear them”.

No. She shouldn't give them to you. If you like them so much offer her some money or buy your own.

Very entitled of you to think she should just give them to you.

Fiver says it's irregular choice

Personally I wouldn’t pay anymore attention to her OR the shoes . I know people like this and it annoys the hell out of me . It’s like “I’ve got something YOU want , ME !!! Ignore her in future , go and get some nicer shoes and just shrug your shoulders if she mentions them again and say oh I bought some I like more than those now and never mention them again . I bet they will go to the charity shop once she’s getting no more attention .

I find these people hard work and my dsis is one of them !!! This is something she would do ! YANBU

That’s not unusual surely? I know everyone is different of course but looking my best for my mother’s funeral was high on my list as she would have wished.

This whole thing is quite strange

To the extent of borrowing someone else's secondhand shoes?

That’s what I was thinking.

My best friend’s personal style is much more glam than mine. I can see me getting something that I thought was very her, but for myself, in a sort of ‘I’d like to try and be a bit glam myself so I’ll incorporate this one small thing into my own wardrobe’. I might comment to my friend ‘they reminded me of the kind of thing you wear and you always look so nice so I’m just copying you really’. We’d laugh about it.

And if I said ‘I’ll probably never wear them’ I’d mean I’ll hardly ever do anything/ go anywhere that warrants wearing them, but just in case such an occasion does arise I’m glad I’ll have them in my wardrobe.

The way you’ve described it, if your friend did indeed say they were so you with no additional explanation as to why she bought them, and if she really did say and actually mean that she will never, ever wear them then yes it’s all a bit odd. But if it’s more like the above, then I’d just shrug.

I’ve got stuff in my wardrobe that I’m unlikely to wear often if at all, and that would really suit my sister and she’d love. It doesn’t mean I have to give them to her. (To be honest, I probably will do, or at least offer to, but there’s no actual obligation on me to do so.)

Firstly I find it strange that she has bought them but plans to never wear them? Are they special edition that will be worth something one day?

Also did you ask to borrow them or did she offer them to you to wear?

Have you asked if you could buy them off her if you want them?

God no. But then I wouldn’t wear second hand shoes.

Yabu. They are her shoes. If she wanted you to have them she would have given them to you. You can't expect people to just give you things of theirs because "they're so you". Offer to buy them off her if she's sure she won't wear them, if she says no that's her perogative though.

Erm so she's a very close friend, could you talk to her about wanting the shoes, offer to buy them or whatever?

😁 laughing with you, not at you.
Many of them look incredibility uncomfortable.

Are you joking?

I’m a bit confused. Are you just expecting her to give them to you, and if so, why? Yes, they maybe more your style than hers, but doesn’t mean she doesn’t want them.

I don’t think she should just give them to you, but you could offer to buy them off her. However, if she refuses the offer, don’t be upset. They’re her shoes, not yours.

me either, gives me the ick.

Personally I would offer to buy them off her. If she then refuses and decides to keep them, based on her precious attitude so far , her saying they’re so ‘you’, lending them to you for your mums funeral and then her telling people they were actually her shoes I’d be very tempted to tell her to shove them where the sun doesn’t shine!

Let's see the shoes

Irregular Choice have some quirky shoes you could get away with at a funeral

Offer her a tenner and keep a watch on Vinted if she refuses. You’re not entitled to them.

Have you offered to buy them?

I'm sorry for your loss

Your friend's behaviour is downright peculiar. Why is she telling you she'll never wear the shoes, and why buy them if she is not planning to wear or sell them?

Do you think she's playing some kind of game where she enjoys making you envious or wants you to beg her for the shoes?

Giving her the benefit of the doubt , she's envious of your unique style and wishes she also had a unique style, and the attention that comes with it.
Or she is spiteful, buying them only to deprive you of them and playing games to mess with you .

I need to see the shoes

irregular Choice have stopped trading but you might be able to get some in Vinted?

I find it very odd to feel entitled to other people's possessions, just because they're to your taste.

Reasonable to say to her, "if you ever decide to get rid of them, please can I buy them off you?"