The one with the viking cowboy. Are these comments on my appearance terrible or not?

[Onceuponamama]

Short story. Two weeks ago my hair apparently looked "like a viking" wearing a claw clip then this evening "your're not going to like me telling you this but you look like a cowboy".

Two weeks ago I had my hair up in a claw clip whilst cleaning, dh walks into the room and comments "your hair looks like a viking like that". Inside I was like wtf but didn't let on how hurt I felt and just brushed it off.

Fast forward to this evening and I'm trying to find an outfit for tomorrow, we're supposed to be going on a early date for Valentine's day. Nothing fancy just lunch but still wanted to make abit of effort, so I tried on some bootcut jeans, a black cashmere jumper, black low heel boots (not western style) and an oversized cropped tapestry and borg fleece jacket.(no stirrups, hats or chewing on straw in sight) I showed him my outfit and asked if my jeans look ok as I felt abit self conscious wearing tighter style jeans as I normally wear wide leg nowadays. (33 yo mum size 12). Initially he said "yeh you look nice" then said "I don't think your going to like my answer but you look like a cowboy".

That was the second strike for me and I just told him straight that these are horrible ways to describe my appearance and no woman would want to be compared to a viking or a cowboy! He thinks these are perfectly reasonable ways to describe me?!

We barely get to have time to go out just us together these days and I was really looking forward to it but now I just don't want to go at all.

I'm up late venting and contemplating if DH is just clumsy with his words or is there more going on here and he's trying to knock my confidence on purpose? I've finished crying now so just give it to me straight if you think I'm being unreasonable in all of this or not. (I really hope I'm not)

Yes, reading through other people's experiences with their families has helped enormously and made me laugh also 😆

I quite often get compared to a plumber (jumpsuit) curtains (anything flowery) or my mother (unforgivable). I tell him I don't take style advice from middle aged men!

Banter is great but I think his remarks weren’t funny enough or on the nose enough for the outfit so you’re left feeling slightly confused and wondering what he means.
He needs to up his game or leave it.

Your DH defo has an interesting turn of phrase, lol. While I admit I hate that jacket with a passion (sorry, just my opinion), I fail to see a cowboy wearing it. I get the Viking comment even less.. Does he think he’s funny? My OH always makes fucking stupid weird comments about my outfits (eg anything vaguely animal print gets the Bet Lynch ‘jokes’). I generally ignore them now!

Im cry laughing at this. And also Robin hood lady and Miss King Prawn. My son is similarly quick witted and brutal, but it just makes me laugh. I like a bit of banter and wouldnt have been offended.
DP on the other hand is quite "fashion experimental" and was very upset when he debuted a new outfit and i asked him if he was the missing member of East 17 and me and my bestie burst into a hearty rendition of "stay another day". When I realised it upset him I made sure to let him know I love how he dresses and was just teasing but would never want to make him uncomfortable.

My restraint has been severely tested everytime he proudly wears a certain pair of shoe boots, exclaiming how comfy they are and how much he loves them. He looks like a medieval peasant. I hate them. But i scotch-guarded them and keep my mouth shut because I love him.

I think a lot of the reassuring responses have actually nailed the issue. When many men say “you look like a ….” they’re actually referring specifically to one item in an outfit which has reminded them. So cowboy boots make you look like a cowboy. A cape makes you look like Superman. The references are always male not because you’re butch but because he’s referencing his childhood. Eye roll, move on!

Yes this is how I felt, I couldn't see how claw clip equalled viking and then two weeks later the flowery jacket being cowboy-esque. Both terms just made me think masculine and rugged man vibes. Not what I was aiming for! 😂

I went to the supermarket with my son in striped leggings and some sort of boots - he refused to leave the car with me 'dressed as an elf!'

I’m not convinced either was intended to be an insult.

I am sure that Borg tapestry abomination needs to go directly in the bin.

Ngl, I wouldn't mind being compared to a viking. 😝 It sounds as if he is just blurting our whatever comes into his head.

My sister is a bit 'boho' hippy and she used to wear an outfit that I told her made her look like Rainbow Bright. 🤣🤭

I wore an outfit once that whenever I looked at it, reminded me of Robin Hood. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I still wore it as I liked it and felt comfortable.

Why did you need to go and ask him for his opinion on your outfit? Surely you just wear what you want and feel comfortable wearing. If he'd said, omg those jeans are too tight on you! What would you have done or felt?

Perhaps have more confidence in your choices. Also, sarcastically say: that's definitely the look I was going for. I'm so glad to know that my outfit is a success. 😆

Any smart/sensitive guy would know that saying you look like a Viking/cowboy ( if not particularly derogatory ) is unlikely to land well.

The correct response to these questions is ALWAYS “ wow, you look amazing. “

I think it was the square shape and the high collar - it’s not unlike a western jacket.

Fwiw I have cowboy boots that I wear with jeans, and a proper western belt my sister brought me from Idaho. If anyone said I looked like a cowboy they would be correct.

If you ask for an opinion, you have to be prepared to accept you might get opinions you don't like

I got a new beanie and my DP said I look like the burglar from Home Alone. I still wear it 😂.

Some young’un at work told me I was appropriating lesbian culture by wearing dungarees once. They weren’t joking.

Thanks for all these, I’ve had a stressful few days at work and the laughter has helped enormously.

This absolutely nails it. My husband says yee ha every time I wear my checked blouse but because we generally have a great relationship I just laugh.

Do you think you look masculine so it’s hit a nerve? The only response to the Viking one was thank you. He’s not a very eloquent described though is he. Only you know if he is doing it to hurt you, that’s the key.

As a matter of interest, does he ever say anything nice?

And is he god's gift to the catwalk?

ahh this reminds me of a time I bought, what I thought, was a fabulous denim jumpsuit/boilersuit type thing..... i put it on and was a little unsure....and then DH told me I looked like a mechanic.

It got immediately returned!

They just don't get it. Many years ago I had an orange parka style coat. Ex-h used to call it my road menders coat.

You should wear what you like. I think you're being a bit oversensitive, but can understand why.

I personally don't like that jacket. To me, it looks like something my grandma would've worn in the 70s. It looks like it's been made from curtain scraps. Certainly doesn't say cowboy.

If you like it, and many others in here do, then wear it.

He’s being unpleasant and mean. No need for it.
I’d be telling him he can go out for Valentines lunch alone.

This part made me laugh : I wore a khaki jumpsuit once and my brother started saluting me as it looked vaguely like an army uniform.

I think it's a man thing, my husband is lovely, kind, considerate and would never hurt my feelings on purpose. He isn't known for his style, he's a jeans and t shirt or jumper kind of man. I try to be a bit more on trend with some clothes and will often get a comment about what I'm wearing, I couldn't care less and I know he's not been mean he just says what he sees.
I have a long black padded coat and when I wear it he calls me Jergen Klopp
A very on trend blouse with a big collar, he and my son say I look like a Victorian
It's just banter. When my son was trying on salopettes for a ski trip, they were blue with dungaree straps and he happened to be wearing a yellow t shirt, I was crying with laughter because he looked like a minion.

It's a shane, but I guess everyone has a mix of good, bad, and ugly outfits. You should tell him he's unforgiven.

Maybe he was gently trying to get you to reconsider the jacket for valentines day?

I don't ask my DH for his opinion unless I'm going to consider changing my outfit to suit his tastes. Am aware he doesn't like a lot of my clothes, doesn't bother me although I do tend to not wear the ones he doesn't like for valentines, anniversary or his birthday as a little gift to him 😁

My biggest fashion faux pas was wearing thin tights over unshaven legs once, my brother asked if I was wearing mohair 🙀