The one with the viking cowboy. Are these comments on my appearance terrible or not?

[Onceuponamama]

Short story. Two weeks ago my hair apparently looked "like a viking" wearing a claw clip then this evening "your're not going to like me telling you this but you look like a cowboy".

Two weeks ago I had my hair up in a claw clip whilst cleaning, dh walks into the room and comments "your hair looks like a viking like that". Inside I was like wtf but didn't let on how hurt I felt and just brushed it off.

Fast forward to this evening and I'm trying to find an outfit for tomorrow, we're supposed to be going on a early date for Valentine's day. Nothing fancy just lunch but still wanted to make abit of effort, so I tried on some bootcut jeans, a black cashmere jumper, black low heel boots (not western style) and an oversized cropped tapestry and borg fleece jacket.(no stirrups, hats or chewing on straw in sight) I showed him my outfit and asked if my jeans look ok as I felt abit self conscious wearing tighter style jeans as I normally wear wide leg nowadays. (33 yo mum size 12). Initially he said "yeh you look nice" then said "I don't think your going to like my answer but you look like a cowboy".

That was the second strike for me and I just told him straight that these are horrible ways to describe my appearance and no woman would want to be compared to a viking or a cowboy! He thinks these are perfectly reasonable ways to describe me?!

We barely get to have time to go out just us together these days and I was really looking forward to it but now I just don't want to go at all.

I'm up late venting and contemplating if DH is just clumsy with his words or is there more going on here and he's trying to knock my confidence on purpose? I've finished crying now so just give it to me straight if you think I'm being unreasonable in all of this or not. (I really hope I'm not)

Im sorry but this is hilarious. Viking and cowboys are not known for being bad looking or derogatory remarks. Stop taking yourself so seriously.

Ha ha no bones but I do put plaits through it. A bit like Stiorra’s hair in the last kingdom. Her earlier style of half up half down but then I have plaits going through the rest of varying thickness.
I dressed as a Viking for Halloween once I loved the look. So do a tame version for day to day.

Cowgirl actually makes it a LOT better - that could be quite a cool look! As a big fan of the show Vikings where all the women are both beautiful and badass, I wouldn't mind that either! But so much depends on his intention. If he's deliberately 'negging' you or trying to undermine your confidence that's obviously extremely worrying, but maybe he's just being a clumsy bloke. I'd just say "thanks, that's what I was going for" next time.

Love the pussy-bow blouse comment! 🤣

Omg what utter nonsense
A compliment ?
This goes in the same bin as " hes nasty to you because he likes you"
The bar is on the floor ...

I once thought I had made a bit of an effort to look nice for a night out in town. I had even but some mascara on! I was wearing one of those white, frilly blouses and as we were sitting on the train, my darling hubby looks at me and says „You look like Meatloaf!“ 😵Not exactly the look or compliment I was going for, but whatever 😂He did get to hear „…(but) I won’t do that!“ on certain occasions for a while after that 😉

I have a long faux fur coat that I love, I thought I was channeling Jackie O, DS1 walks in “ hello Uncle Fester”, haven’t worn it since😭

DD1 when she saw my new Boden multicoloured checked jacket “ I love Elmer the Elephant!”, the whole family now call it my Elmer coat😂

Tried a faux fur bucket type hat on and sent a picture in the family chat to get opinions, response from DS1 “you look like a Siberian housewife”, I didn't buy it🤣

Depends how you feel about looking like a cowboy or a Viking, really (I don't get the hairclip = Viking bit tbh, Vikings wore their hair plaited or in what are now called cornrows, or occasionally in a pony-tail though this is more Mongol e.g .Ghenghis Khan). It could be complementary: statuesque, blonde, ready to fight, strong, beautiful, though your DH doesn't sound as if he means this.
A tapestry fleece sounds a bit Gaucho and jeans with heeled boots is definitely cowboyish. What's wrong with a dress?
Or you could go out and buy a female Viking outfit - that's a homespun long dress with slightly hanging sleeves, with a sleeveless overdress in a slightly darker brown, plus hair wrapped in a headcloth (requires pins), leather belt/girdle to hold dress in at the waist. Then point out that this is how a Viking looks and you are wearing it all out to lunch. NB, this is an attractive look and goes well with boots.
I have in my time worn fringed jackets - no-one said I looked like a cowboy, sadly!

🤣🤣🤣

Don't buy fake fur, its manufacture is environmentally damaging. Also, it looks awful.

Ditto.
sorry.

These are so funny.

My hubby is a bit tone deaf like this, but it made me laugh 😆

1. I wore a fawn leather jacket "babe you look like Logan" (Wolverine) 🐺

1. I wore a fluffy brown gillet "babe you look like Kraven the hunter" (Spiderman) 🕷

1. I wore a long wool black coat with fluffy collar "babe you look like you're about to go and kill Aslan" (Jadis white witch in Narnia) 🦁

I honestly just laughed it off, as he loves all of these characters 😆
@Onceuponamama

I used to have a gorgeous bright pink silk blouse with a huge bow on the front.
Wore it on Christmas Day. Sister said ‘it’s really nice that you’ve come dressed as your favourite quality street’
Looking back it looked a bit ridic but I was 30 at the time and thought I looked FAB if not slightly like the fudge one from quality street.

😂😂

My husband told me my glasses made me look like Harold Shipman.

he was right

It was probably the grey beard, to be fair.

I wouldn't be insulted by the 'Viking' comment - it sounds like you looked fierce. Also as you'd put your hair that way to keep it off your face and no one would have expected you to be taking care with your appearance, I wouldn't assume it was meant to insult (although it probably didn't really need to be said).

The cowboy one is odd, although cowgirl makes a little more sense. In this case, you obviously HAD made an effort - but you also asked his opinion. I'd take his "you look nice" to mean the jeans were fine (since that's what you specifically asked about) and the cowboy thing probably referred to the jacket. In this case you really just have to decide if you want to rock the jacket even though it's not his thing, or if you want to adjust what you wear to appeal to him when the two of you go out to do "date" type things. If the latter, it would be counterproductive to tell him his responses are "horrible" (he already sounds like he's hesitant to respond honestly) but you might ask him to be a bit more specific (e.g., "I think that jacket's a little casual for the venue" or "I like the jeans and boots but maybe wear your black leather jacket?")

Maybe he was expecting you to dress more for the valentines date ( dress, heels etc) Your clothes are more casual.
The way to a mans heart and all that 😀

Ask him why he keeps telling you things that he doesn’t think you'll like?

The only men you should accept style comments from are the gay ones.

I think I'd like one of those jackets.

I'd say it depends if he finds viking women and cowgirls attractive or not. Did you ask?

Men like dresses? How about you just wear what you want?

I personally wouldn’t be upset about being compared to a cowboy/cowgirl. But I would be extremely upset IF I believed that my DH made a deliberately upsetting / intentionally hurtful remark… The (possible) intent behind his behaviour would be the issue for me.

let me explain:

He thought you looked nice (first comment) but felt the need to mention that you looked like a cowboy despite knowing that you would not like this comment. He explicitly said „you’re not going to like this“ so he was absolutely aware of how you would take this.

This reminds me of those using the „just being honest“ excuse to get away with some of the most deliberately hurtful comments and even insults.

I don’t know if this is the case here. You know your DH much better than I do. But I wouldn’t like it.